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    Omg is it that frequent? They must need some real help, gosh :0
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    :five: Interesting to know that there are others who share similar situations... Although mine I've been pondering whether I genuinely don't care or not.
    Issue on my part.... I really want to help people with dilemmas... but at the same time I do not care about the issue at hand... It's weird and i feel crap about not caring most of the time

    If were you... start distancing yourself for a short while before their problems overwhelm you (which they will/already did?) because... I got overwhelmed by peoples issues that I felt sad.. and I never feel sad about people's problems... or in general actually. So I pulled the plug and avoided them (the issue dudes)... and just started to focus on getting my self happy again.. and all zen

    Start focusing on hobbies... start walking outside and admiring nature or the city where you live... and then if you can.. tell someone... someone gossipy who can relay it to the others.
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    (Original post by Amylololol)
    Omg is it that frequent? They must need some real help, gosh :0
    Yep, I'm not even exaggerating (unfortunately). Considering just becoming a counsellor so that at least I can get paid for this ****.
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    (Original post by LeyK)
    :five: Interesting to know that there are others who share similar situations... Although mine I've been pondering whether I genuinely don't care or not.
    Issue on my part.... I really want to help people with dilemmas... but at the same time I do not care about the issue at hand... It's weird and i feel crap about not caring most of the time

    If were you... start distancing yourself for a short while before their problems overwhelm you (which they will/already did?) because... I got overwhelmed by peoples issues that I felt sad.. and I never feel sad about people's problems... or in general actually. So I pulled the plug and avoided them (the issue dudes)... and just started to focus on getting my self happy again.. and all zen

    Start focusing on hobbies... start walking outside and admiring nature or the city where you live... and then if you can.. tell someone... someone gossipy who can relay it to the others.
    Same here, I feel like a horrible friend, and I feel so bad that they think I am such a good, supportive friend. But I never bother people with my problems, so sometimes I just get frustrated that they keep bothering me with theirs.

    I think they come to me because they think I am a 'listener' (aka, I don't talk about my problems, so of COURSE I would love to hear theirs). I would pull the plug, but it is basically all of my friends who do this, and I don't want to end up friendless.

    But I will start hobbies, I used to do so many and now I do none and I kinda miss it.

    Thanks so much
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    (Original post by Sunset891)
    Yep, I'm not even exaggerating (unfortunately). Considering just becoming a counsellor so that at least I can get paid for this ****.
    Oh lord you might as well seriously become a counselor and at least get something out of this - the patient lineup probably won't even take long in your case :|
    Other than that, recommend 7Cups to them and tell'em to ask actual professionals for help instead of poor ol' you. Even I feel secondhand sadness for you, dang.
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    (Original post by Sunset891)
    Same here, I feel like a horrible friend, and I feel so bad that they think I am such a good, supportive friend. But I never bother people with my problems, so sometimes I just get frustrated that they keep bothering me with theirs.

    I think they come to me because they think I am a 'listener' (aka, I don't talk about my problems, so of COURSE I would love to hear theirs). I would pull the plug, but it is basically all of my friends who do this, and I don't want to end up friendless.

    But I will start hobbies, I used to do so many and now I do none and I kinda miss it.

    Thanks so much
    My usual opening chat line "Well I usually deal with issues myself.. maybe you should learn to do the same" One friend has caught on and always laughs when I say it :lol:

    Nah.. it's the moment when everyone saw you give sound advice that they start to pounce to you for advice constantly.
    I should elaborate that I didn't avoid them forever.. You should at least specify why you are pulling the plug :yep:... I'd say if you do it... Just say something along the lines.. "I'm getting overwhelmed by everyone's problems (including my own).. I just need to calm down for a while..that'a all "

    And if they see you busy.. some (not all) will back off for a while
    Np..hope you sort it out hombre
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    (Original post by Sunset891)
    Same here, I feel like a horrible friend, and I feel so bad that they think I am such a good, supportive friend. But I never bother people with my problems, so sometimes I just get frustrated that they keep bothering me with theirs.

    I think they come to me because they think I am a 'listener' (aka, I don't talk about my problems, so of COURSE I would love to hear theirs). I would pull the plug, but it is basically all of my friends who do this, and I don't want to end up friendless.

    But I will start hobbies, I used to do so many and now I do none and I kinda miss it.

    Thanks so much
    What LeyK said was absolutely true - don't let others' problems overwhelm you, especially when you yourself might have problems that you wouldn't even disclose to anyone, let alone hear up on their individual problems.
    I suggest you let them be for a while and like LeyK said, explore yourself. See if you find something fun and try to bring that into your routine, there's countless activities that take less than 5 minutes a day but automatically make you happier and disconnect you from people that bring you down along with their own stresses - I know you want to try your best to help them but just how much can you do for them? You're also human and deserve your peace and calm just like any other and having others' problems irrationally being thrown upon you would have more adverse affects on your life as well as theirs instead of anything beneficial resulting from them - because there would only be actual benefit if these problems were solved and closed quickly but obviously it's not that easy, so instead of stomaching the guilt that arises as a result, just don't take it upon yourself. The secondary stress and worry for no rational reason is more than enough to make you harm yourself psychologically rather than the opposite.
    Thus, try to distance yourself a little bit. Don't cut'em off completely, just bring something new to YOUR routine. This means 'me-time' just for you and your soul. To rid you of everything stressful your pals put on you. Hope you find something suitable for you. Arts, colouring, music, or even meditation to name a few are very relaxing. You can draw however you feel like and it's like pouring out your stresses on paper in the form of pictures that only you know what they represent. It's like a little sanctuary for yourself. And so on :| Good luck, mate!
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    (Original post by Sunset891)
    When my friends cry, I don't care. I just think its pathetic and wish that they would get over it. Plus I feel really awkward because I don't know what people do in those situations, when I am upset I prefer just being alone. People keep coming to me crying and it is really starting to annoy me because I just feel so uncomfortable. What should I do?
    Some people cry when they get worked up, some people are less watery people. I'm in the watery group and tend to find my face leeks whenever I'm the slightest bit emotional (or cutting onions).

    If you don't know what to do when people are crying or find it awkward just ask if they're okay or if they want a hug and maybe chill out with them for a while. You could also let another friend know if they're better with that sort of stuff.
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    (Original post by Sunset891)
    When my friends cry, I don't care. I just think its pathetic and wish that they would get over it. Plus I feel really awkward because I don't know what people do in those situations, when I am upset I prefer just being alone. People keep coming to me crying and it is really starting to annoy me because I just feel so uncomfortable. What should I do?
    Is this how your parents treated you? I feel sorry for you.
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    I have to admit that happens to me a lot. I would try to empathise with them, putting yourself in their shoes, but there is only so far as you can go if you do not understand why they are behaving that way at all. You should not feel uncomfortable as some people need to talk to someone to feel better but others are happier with their own company, and that's just how you are; nothing wrong with either, that's just how people are.
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    (Original post by LeyK)
    :five: Interesting to know that there are others who share similar situations... Although mine I've been pondering whether I genuinely don't care or not.
    Issue on my part.... I really want to help people with dilemmas... but at the same time I do not care about the issue at hand... It's weird and i feel crap about not caring most of the time

    If were you... start distancing yourself for a short while before their problems overwhelm you (which they will/already did?) because... I got overwhelmed by peoples issues that I felt sad.. and I never feel sad about people's problems... or in general actually. So I pulled the plug and avoided them (the issue dudes)... and just started to focus on getting my self happy again.. and all zen

    Start focusing on hobbies... start walking outside and admiring nature or the city where you live... and then if you can.. tell someone... someone gossipy who can relay it to the others.
    Hey, that's not too dissimilar to myself, but I've considered that I genuinely don't care.
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    People like you are just insensitive when people cry infront of you that’s because the trust you especially your friends and if you’re are a good friend you’d do anything to try cheer them up
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    (Original post by Amylololol)
    What LeyK said was absolutely true - don't let others' problems overwhelm you, especially when you yourself might have problems that you wouldn't even disclose to anyone, let alone hear up on their individual problems.
    I suggest you let them be for a while and like LeyK said, explore yourself. See if you find something fun and try to bring that into your routine, there's countless activities that take less than 5 minutes a day but automatically make you happier and disconnect you from people that bring you down along with their own stresses - I know you want to try your best to help them but just how much can you do for them? You're also human and deserve your peace and calm just like any other and having others' problems irrationally being thrown upon you would have more adverse affects on your life as well as theirs instead of anything beneficial resulting from them - because there would only be actual benefit if these problems were solved and closed quickly but obviously it's not that easy, so instead of stomaching the guilt that arises as a result, just don't take it upon yourself. The secondary stress and worry for no rational reason is more than enough to make you harm yourself psychologically rather than the opposite.
    Thus, try to distance yourself a little bit. Don't cut'em off completely, just bring something new to YOUR routine. This means 'me-time' just for you and your soul. To rid you of everything stressful your pals put on you. Hope you find something suitable for you. Arts, colouring, music, or even meditation to name a few are very relaxing. You can draw however you feel like and it's like pouring out your stresses on paper in the form of pictures that only you know what they represent. It's like a little sanctuary for yourself. And so on :| Good luck, mate!
    You're advice is so helpful, thank you so much! I will definitely start concentrating a bit more on myself
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    (Original post by Foreverconfu)
    People like you are just insensitive when people cry infront of you that’s because the trust you especially your friends and if you’re are a good friend you’d do anything to try cheer them up
    When they come to me, I will try and cheer them up, because I don't want them to leave otherwise I'll feel like I've been a useless friend to them. It's more them coming to me in the first place, I'm just not the right person, there are so many other much more empathetic people they could go to.
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    Take it as a compliment, as if they trust you enough to cry around you. Honestly I don't mind it when this happens, even though it seems awkward at times, because I know that they need someone to cry to, and when I need someone, they will be there for me. It's also great learning about different life experience that you might not be able to personally experience. I'll never know the pains of having your dad leave you, but I can draw from my friend's experiences and when I meet someone like them, I will be able to empathize. Just my two cents.
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    the thread title is me when i've actually injured my sibling whilst fighting
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    If they cry for silly reasons just tell them to get a grip... If they cry for something serious then at least try to console them in some way. For example, if a friend cries because his dog ate his last slice of pizza then don't even bother. If a friend is feeling very stressed, one of his relatives died, or any other serious event is going on and tormenting him from the inside then by all means do support them!
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    It's a rare quality to be able to listen and support others at their time of need. They obviously trust you and feel like they can confide in you, so your doing something right!

    I totally get your position and nowadays it does seem that some people blub at the slightest thing but your a good friend if you can be there and not judge. You sound a lot more mature than your friends and you can often see that it's probably something and nothing they are crying over but to them, it obviously is something.

    Only advice I can give you is that it will get better, a passing phase but as I say whilst it's difficult they will remember you for being there, especially when in their world, they really felt they needed someone!

    Good luck
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    (Original post by shameful_burrito)
    If they cry for silly reasons just tell them to get a grip... If they cry for something serious then at least try to console them in some way. For example, if a friend cries because his dog ate his last slice of pizza then don't even bother. If a friend is feeling very stressed, one of his relatives died, or any other serious event is going on and tormenting him from the inside then by all means do support them!
    Yeah if it's something serious I would definitely console them, but it usually is more along the lines of 'dog ate his last slice of pizza' example.
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    (Original post by LsDad)
    It's a rare quality to be able to listen and support others at their time of need. They obviously trust you and feel like they can confide in you, so your doing something right!

    I totally get your position and nowadays it does seem that some people blub at the slightest thing but your a good friend if you can be there and not judge. You sound a lot more mature than your friends and you can often see that it's probably something and nothing they are crying over but to them, it obviously is something.

    Only advice I can give you is that it will get better, a passing phase but as I say whilst it's difficult they will remember you for being there, especially when in their world, they really felt they needed someone!

    Good luck
    Thanks for your help
 
 
 
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