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My dad calls me a bad person for working hard at doing well watch

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    Basically as title says really. I just don't get how me working in my room where it is quieter and where I am best able to focus is such a bad thing.

    Not only does he say that, but also tells me that I think I know better than everyone else, even though I make a concerted effort to explain how different people are talented at different things and that this is a good thing.

    He also tells me that I think that anyone not in a russell group university (particularly Oxbridge since he thinks that everyone who goes there are terrible people only concerned about being smarter than everyone else and of course, must be from a wealthy background despite me trying to show him the statistics that suggest otherwise and the increased emphasis on trying to increase access to education for less wealthy people and ethnic minorities) is a piece of **** for some reason. Again, I have told him otherwise and pointed out the obvious which is that a lot of gifted individuals don't get offers at Oxbridge.

    Mostly a rant, but also wondering what anyone else thinks. Am I really a selfish person, or just driven to do the best I can (as I think I am)?

    I really can't see what is wrong with not saying very much to people - hardly provides much opportunity to offend...
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    Your father should be supporting you in your efforts to succeed in life. It sounds like he has issues.
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    (Original post by VirgoStrain)
    He’s wrong and he can’t understand what you’re trying to communicate. If you can’t please him then find someone else to impress with your abilities.
    Yeah, I mean, I don't really seek his approval anyway, since one minute he'll be like "that's really good' and then later say it's terrible or selfish, or that because I am now doing well academically I must think that I am so much smarter than everyone else.

    Quite often he'll argue with me about something that I know extensively and be surprised when I counter his points - at this point he claims that I think I know everything, I try to explain that arguing with me about those topics is like me going to his work and trying to tell him he's doing it wrong when obviously I wouldn't have a clue.

    It's just impossible - any use of logic just goes straight out the window.
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    It's possible he sees himself as inferior to you, so taking out his jealousy on you by making you seem like a bad person. Don't bother with him if he can't see what you're trying to communicate. If you're currently successful with you're current routines than don't stop just because he doesn't like it.
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    Be true to yourself.

    Don't let anyone tell you how you should live your life. It is your life and no-one else's.

    Your dad does sound like he is either jealous of your success or resentful that he never had the same opportunities or a bit of both.

    Stay strong and make your dreams come true.
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    (Original post by the bear)
    Your father should be supporting you in your efforts to succeed in life. It sounds like he has issues.
    I agree. He'll say "oh, well we pay for it, need to show your appreciation" and I'm like how is going to college and working really long hours everyday (since I wouldn't say I'm genetically gifted for academics - I spend A LOT longer revising than other students with my grades) not showing my appreciation?

    I mean, I'm doing literally everything I can to make the most of what they've gave me, but it seems like they'd rather have me sit and watch TV with them not really engaging in my own life and just sit there with them, waiting for my life to end.

    Not to devalue those who do that, but I don't enjoy that - I want to get on and make a difference in the world, not just sit there complaining about how things are.
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    hes probably jealous that your having a chance he never had and he probaly dont want an educated son as it might make you seem stuck up therefore giving a bad reputation on ur family if u live in an area where being viewed as a CHAV (council housed and violent) is whats in
    so just tell your dad in the most politest , well mannered and courteous way : FU*K OFF
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    This is like the opposite of an Asian lol
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    (Original post by VirgoStrain)
    Coming in for the low blows eh? Insulting someone’s dad and using clichéd motivational phrases aren’t a way to promote self esteem buddy
    I don't need to ask your permission before I post whatever I want.

    Now what are you going to do about it?

    Grow up ****.
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    (Original post by IPFromTheEast)
    hes probably jealous that your having a chance he never had and he probaly dont want an educated son as it might make you seem stuck up therefore giving a bad reputation on ur family if u live in an area where being viewed as a CHAV (council housed and violent) is whats in
    so just tell your dad in the most politest , well mannered and courteous way : FU*K OFF
    Yeah possibly, but I just don't get it, like I'm supposed to be his son and it would seem logical to take immense pride in having a son who is trying to be successful in this world - but again, apparently not.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah possibly, but I just don't get it, like I'm supposed to be his son and it would seem logical to take immense pride in having a son who is trying to be successful in this world - but again, apparently not.
    if it is really that deep then just cut him off , negative vibes = negative grades
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    It's possible that points you think you make innocuously are being taken as smarmy or arrogant. My aul fella always used to say to me that it wasn't what I said, but how I said it. It seems like his pride is sometimes being hurt when you one-up him in a debate. I bring this up because I can see similarities between my own experiences and yours.

    Sometimes the way you argue a point is more important than the content of the point itself. It's hard when parents go off like this but if you can bring yourself to tone it down a bit and try to make points more gently then it might help him to take what you are saying on board without going straight to DEFCON 1. Or it might not, I dunno your situation, so you are best placed to judge.
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    (Original post by VirgoStrain)
    Neither do I. If my opinion of your comment p***es you off that much then log off and go for a walk.
    lol. I did not comment on your post. But you commented on mine which is an invitation n'est pas? My post was to the OP unless of course you are the OP.
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    The 'don't bother with him' shout is ridiculous. Are you really going to cut out your father from your life over some trivial barneys?
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    (Original post by gjd800)
    It's possible that points you think you make innocuously are being taken as smarmy or arrogant. My aul fella always used to say to me that it wasn't what I said, but how I said it. It seems like his pride is sometimes being hurt when you one-up him in a debate. I bring this up because I can see similarities between my own experiences and yours.

    Sometimes the way you argue a point is more important than the content of the point itself. It's hard when parents go off like this but if you can bring yourself to tone it down a bit and try to make points more gently then it might help him to take what you are saying on board without going straight to DEFCON 1. Or it might not, I dunno your situation, so you are best placed to judge.
    I agree, I used to try and push my argument a lot more before, but I can see that it's a waste of time since he says the same comment every single bloody week - I just can't believe that someone could fixate on something of such little importance for so long.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I agree. He'll say "oh, well we pay for it, need to show your appreciation" and I'm like how is going to college and working really long hours everyday (since I wouldn't say I'm genetically gifted for academics - I spend A LOT longer revising than other students with my grades) not showing my appreciation?

    I mean, I'm doing literally everything I can to make the most of what they've gave me, but it seems like they'd rather have me sit and watch TV with them not really engaging in my own life and just sit there with them, waiting for my life to end.

    Not to devalue those who do that, but I don't enjoy that - I want to get on and make a difference in the world, not just sit there complaining about how things are.
    If his issue is that you are always locked away and never spend any time with the family then the solution is simple - spend some time with your family.
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    What is your dad's educational background? Doesn't he see that this attitude is the way to maintain the status quo of the privileged getting ahead in life? What does your mum think and say?
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    (Original post by gjd800)
    The 'don't bother with him' shout is ridiculous. Are you really going to cut out your father from your life over some trivial barneys?
    I agree with this to some extent, but in the sense of me trying to convince that I'm not a self centred, bigoted elitist, I've truly given up. He'll try argue with until I leave for uni at which point I'll be glad I won't have to listen to that very often,if ever again.
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    I mean working hard is incredibly self centred, it literally only benefits you. It's not really selfish though, like it's not really taking anything away from other people unless your friends ask you to go places and you decline because you are revising. I mean you might not have too many friends in the first place because you spend a lot of time working XD.
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    (Original post by black1blade)
    I mean working hard is incredibly self centred, it literally only benefits you. It's not really selfish though, like it's not really taking anything away from other people unless your friends ask you to go places and you decline because you are revising. I mean you might not have too many friends in the first place because you spend a lot of time working XD.
    I try to spend time with my friends when they make plans to go out, but otherwise, I'm not going to spend my time walking around the shopping centre or just generally procrastinating, just so that I can be their friends - they must accept me for who I am (a workaholic) because if they didn't then I think they'd have already stopped being my friend at this point.
 
 
 
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