Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

My dad calls me a bad person for working hard at doing well Watch

    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I agree. He'll say "oh, well we pay for it, need to show your appreciation" and I'm like how is going to college and working really long hours everyday (since I wouldn't say I'm genetically gifted for academics - I spend A LOT longer revising than other students with my grades) not showing my appreciation?

    I mean, I'm doing literally everything I can to make the most of what they've gave me, but it seems like they'd rather have me sit and watch TV with them not really engaging in my own life and just sit there with them, waiting for my life to end.

    Not to devalue those who do that, but I don't enjoy that - I want to get on and make a difference in the world, not just sit there complaining about how things are.
    If his issue is that you are always locked away and never spend any time with the family then the solution is simple - spend some time with your family.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    What is your dad's educational background? Doesn't he see that this attitude is the way to maintain the status quo of the privileged getting ahead in life? What does your mum think and say?
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by gjd800)
    The 'don't bother with him' shout is ridiculous. Are you really going to cut out your father from your life over some trivial barneys?
    I agree with this to some extent, but in the sense of me trying to convince that I'm not a self centred, bigoted elitist, I've truly given up. He'll try argue with until I leave for uni at which point I'll be glad I won't have to listen to that very often,if ever again.
    Online

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I mean working hard is incredibly self centred, it literally only benefits you. It's not really selfish though, like it's not really taking anything away from other people unless your friends ask you to go places and you decline because you are revising. I mean you might not have too many friends in the first place because you spend a lot of time working XD.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by black1blade)
    I mean working hard is incredibly self centred, it literally only benefits you. It's not really selfish though, like it's not really taking anything away from other people unless your friends ask you to go places and you decline because you are revising. I mean you might not have too many friends in the first place because you spend a lot of time working XD.
    I try to spend time with my friends when they make plans to go out, but otherwise, I'm not going to spend my time walking around the shopping centre or just generally procrastinating, just so that I can be their friends - they must accept me for who I am (a workaholic) because if they didn't then I think they'd have already stopped being my friend at this point.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I think the comment about sitting watching TV says a lot.

    Nobody ever says on their deathbed that they'd wished they'd worked harder. A lot of people lament missed opportunities with their family. Maybe your Dad wants to see a bit more of a family-work balance rather than a work-work balance. He might just be worried about you working too much and placing so much emphasis on doing well and it's manifesting in a negative way.

    The only way you're gonna get to the bottom of this is to talk to him and your Ma, hard as that might be. It would be worth speaking to your Mam about it, she will have some idea of why he is being the way he is. Try not to be too quick to write off your aul fella, no matter how frustrating he is.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by gjd800)
    I think the comment about sitting watching TV says a lot.

    Nobody ever says on their deathbed that they'd wished they'd worked harder. A lot of people lament missed opportunities with their family. Maybe your Dad wants to see a bit more of a family-work balance rather than a work-work balance. He might just be worried about you working too much and placing so much emphasis on doing well and it's manifesting in a negative way.

    The only way you're gonna get to the bottom of this is to talk to him and your Ma, hard as that might be. It would be worth speaking to your Mam about it, she will have some idea of why he is being the way he is. Try not to be too quick to write off your aul fella, no matter how frustrating he is.
    I think you're right to some extent. I think that maybe because I have Asperger's it makes me less inclined to do those kinds of family things (not saying that's a good thing) and I tend to become hyper-focused on things that interest me - it's like if I have an idea about something I'm really interested in then I desperately want to write it down and look further into it.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think you're right to some extent. I think that maybe because I have Asperger's it makes me less inclined to do those kinds of family things (not saying that's a good thing) and I tend to become hyper-focused on things that interest me - it's like if I have an idea about something I'm really interested in then I desperately want to write it down and look further into it.
    That's completely understandable. Maybe you both need to strike a balance on this stuff. From what you've said, your Dad can be a little hot headed (mine too!), but having a natter with him about this where you try your best not to get wound up (that'll just wind him up, too) might sort all this out. I'm 90% sure he doesn't want you to be feeling this way about this situation, at least. If you can;t talk to him you should definitely try and talk to your Mum about it. maybe she can mediate and yous can get sorted
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically as title says really. I just don't get how me working in my room where it is quieter and where I am best able to focus is such a bad thing.

    Not only does he say that, but also tells me that I think I know better than everyone else, even though I make a concerted effort to explain how different people are talented at different things and that this is a good thing.

    He also tells me that I think that anyone not in a russell group university (particularly Oxbridge since he thinks that everyone who goes there are terrible people only concerned about being smarter than everyone else and of course, must be from a wealthy background despite me trying to show him the statistics that suggest otherwise and the increased emphasis on trying to increase access to education for less wealthy people and ethnic minorities) is a piece of **** for some reason. Again, I have told him otherwise and pointed out the obvious which is that a lot of gifted individuals don't get offers at Oxbridge.

    Mostly a rant, but also wondering what anyone else thinks. Am I really a selfish person, or just driven to do the best I can (as I think I am)?

    I really can't see what is wrong with not saying very much to people - hardly provides much opportunity to offend...
    This is a pretty incoherent ramble. I have no idea what you're trying to get across.

    It's not clear what you have or have not been saying or what your dad has or has not been saying.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Trinculo)
    This is a pretty incoherent ramble. I have no idea what you're trying to get across.

    It's not clear what you have or have not been saying or what your dad has or has not been saying.
    1) I work a lot of hours in order to do well at school

    2) My Dad complains at me for this because it is somehow not appreciative of me to try and make the most out of the money he has invested in my education.

    3) He argues with me about certain topics that he knows I am particularly knowledgeable about and then he gets annoyed when I tell him that what he's saying isn't true.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    1) I work a lot of hours in order to do well at school

    2) My Dad complains at me for this because it is somehow not appreciative of me to try and make the most out of the money he has invested in my education.

    3) He argues with me about certain topics that he knows I am particularly knowledgeable about and then he gets annoyed when I tell him that what he's saying isn't true.
    Yeah, well, you do sound like a massive bell tbh.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Trinculo)
    Yeah, well, you do sound like a massive bell tbh.
    And how exactly would you know? You've gone from not understanding what I'm saying to being 100% certain that I am a "bell" from like 3 sentences of what I said. How can that possibly represent the entirety of my character?

    Also, you don't know what my family life is like with any degree of accuracy, so why you're being so abrasive towards me, I really do not know.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And how exactly would you know? You've gone from not understanding what I'm saying to being 100% certain that I am a "bell" from like 3 sentences of what I said. How can that possibly represent the entirety of my character?

    Also, you don't know what my family life is like with any degree of accuracy, so why you're being so abrasive towards me, I really do not know.
    There you go - case in point.

    Read back everything you've written in this thread - you come across as really quite arrogant and spoilt.

    You asked for opinions and there it is.
    Online

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically as title says really. I just don't get how me working in my room where it is quieter and where I am best able to focus is such a bad thing.

    Not only does he say that, but also tells me that I think I know better than everyone else, even though I make a concerted effort to explain how different people are talented at different things and that this is a good thing.

    He also tells me that I think that anyone not in a russell group university (particularly Oxbridge since he thinks that everyone who goes there are terrible people only concerned about being smarter than everyone else and of course, must be from a wealthy background despite me trying to show him the statistics that suggest otherwise and the increased emphasis on trying to increase access to education for less wealthy people and ethnic minorities) is a piece of **** for some reason. Again, I have told him otherwise and pointed out the obvious which is that a lot of gifted individuals don't get offers at Oxbridge.

    Mostly a rant, but also wondering what anyone else thinks. Am I really a selfish person, or just driven to do the best I can (as I think I am)?

    I really can't see what is wrong with not saying very much to people - hardly provides much opportunity to offend...
    Is he white?

    Bet he's a non achiever. Kick him in the *******s.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Trinculo)
    There you go - case in point.

    Read back everything you've written in this thread - you come across as really quite arrogant and spoilt.

    You asked for opinions and there it is.
    Yeah, I asked for opinions - doesn't mean that they can't be laid out with clear logic.

    I really do not understand how me working to try make the most of what I have is being 'spoilt'. I thought the whole idea of 'being spoilt' is that kids come to expect things from doing nothing, but what I'm telling you is that opposite of that (atleast that's how I see it).
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, I asked for opinions - doesn't mean that they can't be laid out with clear logic.

    I really do not understand how me working to try make the most of what I have is being 'spoilt'. I thought the whole idea of 'being spoilt' is that kids come to expect things from doing nothing, but what I'm telling you is that opposite of that (atleast that's how I see it).
    It's pretty obvious to me. You're arguing with your dad like some kind of neckbeard on TSR, and your choice of words in these posts seems to support that. You're talking about countering his points and logic - it all suggests someone who thinks they're a lot smarter than they actually are and who is entirely taken up with an image of their own intellect.

    Let me ask you 3 questions:

    1. What do you think about non-RG universities?
    2. How do you feel about faith schools?
    3. Would you consider reading Classical Greek or Ancient History as a degree subject?
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
    Useful resources
    Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

    Sponsored features:

    Making money from your own website

    Need some cash?

    How to make money running your own website.

    Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

    Handle your digital footprint

    What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.