The Student Room Group

Scared of people?

Hi everybody,

university is starting again (in my first year), and I am feeling scared now. I am scared of meeting people. I am just frightened to death. To the point where I could stay in my room most of the day.

Like it's alright if it's a close friend, and I feel safe around one. But there are so many strangers out there. And I unreasonably feel that they are out there to catch/attack me.

Sad and lonely and away from home, I cannot wait until I go back home again, so that I could relax. Right now, I could not relax - I am stressed by social contact. I am not a maniac, I am just an extremely timid person.

To make this worse, I also have tons of work to do, so I use it as an excuse to not go out.

Alright, tips and guidance please. Or just plain sympathy will do.
Reply 1
you could ask a few people on your course if they want to do group study. they could come round to yours one evening or meet up in the library in a reasonably quiet place where you can discuss things. it's worth joining a uni club that your interested in and then you can meet other club members that have an interest simillar to you.

You could try meeting a couple of new people at a time through flat mates. if they each take a turn in inviting a couple of their friends over for dinner & you speak to them so you can get used to talking to people you don't know.
The more you hide, the worse it will be when you do want to go out. My advice would be to start small, for example just walking to the shops. You could take a close friend with you if that would help. My mum always tells me to wrap myself in a mental bubble so that I feel safer and protected around people I don't trust so I don't know if that would work.
Reply 3
Anonymous
I unreasonably feel that they are out there to catch/attack me.

What do you mean?
Reply 4
^ ^They probably feel that the person will be mean to her or something. I sometimes feel like that cos i'm a shy person.
I also feel lonely as well and i think its worse this time around (new semester)- today is my first day back at uni and i'm hating it, i feel so uncomfortable in the flat as my flatmates are all close to each other, except me so they all mingle more and i feel left out and its being made worse by the fact i have an exam in a couple of days time so its hard for me to revise here. I just can't wait to go back home.
what you describe is fear, and is based on no rational logic.

confiding yourself to yourself without mixing with other people and braking out of what even if fairly bleek at the moment, is a "comfort zone".

its all very safe to isolate yourself from other and rattle around various unjustified, paranoid ideas of how people are out to get you. changing your behaviour and above all mindstate, around social situations would be the only way of actually proving you are wrong to think in this way.

i hope you sort yourself out..but as my dad always said to me "get a grip"
"Feal the fear and do it anyway". Put on a big smile, keep your head high, and just get on with it. If you hide, your phobias will just get worse. Maybe get yourself used to strangers progressively, start small.

A councillor might be of benefit for guidance, and training you to deal with meeting new people. Also try relaxation techniques, oh, and "Kalms" tablets from boots might help with the stress of meeting people.
"a life lived in fear is a life half lived" thats an old spanish proverb thats stuck with me. if you just do it anyway and get on with it, there will be nothing to be afraid of. if you're going to have to meet people around uni anyway, then try not to see it as a bad thing, just be positive and get on with it. prolonging the fear you have will not help the situation further.
other than that, get sum booze and chocolates and go round your halls spreadin the love:smile:
You really need to change your attitude, because people arnt out there to attack you. Unless your willing to be more easy going then theres not much we can say or do to help you.
Reply 9
Bear_Grylls
You really need to change your attitude, because people arnt out there to attack you. Unless your willing to be more easy going then theres not much we can say or do to help you.


Well I hope that isn't you in your sig....
Sithius
Well I hope that isn't you in your sig....

Im only attacking a turtle though not a human, and that was because i hadnt drunk water for 3 days.
Reply 11
I am deeply sorry that I have to resort to a cliché, but: Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.
Might be some form of Social Anxiety Disorder, or something along those lines if it's really causing you huge problems. I'm afraid it's a very vicious circle, being socially phobic, but I would encourage you not to let yourself get into the mindset of 'I can't'. It's hard, but you have to say 'I have to'. Make yourself go to the pub, to lectures, to meals..once you let yourself not go to one or two, you'll start getting more and more paranoid about going out.
If you have some close/good friends at uni then arrange to go out with them - if you're surrounded with a few friends they can act like a buffer to the other people and you'll feel much safer and protected. I know it's hard, but try not to think negatively. the majority of poeple are nice, and very few will attack you. Unless you've had bad experiences in your past, think through good days you've had, times when you've been out and had a laugh. Then compare it to sitting in your room worrying.
I know it can be really hard, and it's so much easier not to try, but I've spoken to people who've given in to it and don't leave their houses for months at a time (yes extremes, but it happens) and they all said they wished they'd fought their fear more when it was managable.
:smile:

Oh..one thing I did when i was really bad was I spent some tieme every weekend in a public shopping centre just sitting in the centre with a cup of coffee and watching everyone go past. It helps in showing that the majority of these people just aren't interested. They're not going to harm you, because to them, you're just another person amongst hundreds.
Reply 13
i completely understand you, i get terrified around people that i dont really know. I feel they are going to say something, laugh, that i am goin to say something stupid etc.
Have you thought about seeing a counsellor of some kind? I am currently in therapy about this issue and other issues and it is helping me alot. Before i started i couldn't leave my house because of the fear but now i can, i still get scared but it isnt as bad as it was.

Also, when i get anxious about being around people i talk to myself in my mind and repeat something encouraging, reassuring myself that nothing bad will happen, that i am safe.

I am sorry you are going through this.
Hope everything is okay x
amazon-bluebird
"Feal the fear and do it anyway". Put on a big smile, keep your head high, and just get on with it. If you hide, your phobias will just get worse. Maybe get yourself used to strangers progressively, start small.

A councillor might be of benefit for guidance, and training you to deal with meeting new people. Also try relaxation techniques, oh, and "Kalms" tablets from boots might help with the stress of meeting people.

Interesting you say that (with my phobia and everything). What about your phobia...?

I guess I just feel like running away is the easiest option.

p.s. I miss you.