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uni is making me crazy
this is just another "im finding uni really hard" thread, but I kinda feel like I need to talk about it a bit. It's taken going home for Christmas and then coming back to realise how much it is actually affecting me, and I don't like it. Last term I went through stages of just getting so drunk that I did silly things, and I had one night stands, and told people I hardly know that stupid things and would accuse them of thinking things and stuff and just basically acted in a way that made me hate myself. I can't really explain how bad I think it is. I just know I've gone a bit crazy and kinda gone off the rails a little bit, and I am just finding it a bit hard to cope, and some mornings I would wake up and just think "I have nothing to get out of bed for" I haven't made a stable group of friends yet and keep on getting really panicky that I never will and that people judge me because they think I have no "proper" friend. In the last week of term I could barely pluck up the courage to leave the flat in the day light incase I bumped into anyone that I had made a fool out of myself in front of, and in the nights I would go out with my flatmates and get horrendoulsy drunk and say stupid things to potential friends.
But over the Christmas my frienfds back home just made me feel normal again, and I have now gone back to feeling a bit more sane and positive and like I can face people with a bit more confidence. And I had such a good few weeks because I was feeling so much better about myself, and not waking up every day hating myself. I just want to be able to hold on to this feeling, and I'm really worried I won't be able to. I've been back at uni for 2 days now, and tonight I am going out with 2 people from my flat and I am so worried that everything is going to go wrong and I am going to do soemthing stupid and I~ just don't want to feel as bad as I have done since being at uni. I feel like its going to happen though, like I will probably drink too muchand just not be the person who I want to be. But its the routine and I feel like I don't know how to break the habit, ive never been sober in a club here. And I know uni isnt at all all about going out at night, but its more about trying to make friends, and everyone already seems to be in a group and i feel like the only way i can approach people I half know to have a chat with them is if i have had a drink first. I know this is bad, and back home i hardly drunk anything at all, but back there i have so much more confidence.
basically I just feel a bit lost here and lonely and empty, I know other people feel similar because I have read other threads.
I was talking to a friend from home about how i feel, and although i don't think she really understood she said maybe i should see a councillor, but I have no idea about that and is it expensive? I would be far too scared aswell i think, but maybe if it would help me cope better it would be a good thing. if anyone knows how to go about seeing some kind of councillor?
I'm really sorry about the rant.
But over the Christmas my frienfds back home just made me feel normal again, and I have now gone back to feeling a bit more sane and positive and like I can face people with a bit more confidence. And I had such a good few weeks because I was feeling so much better about myself, and not waking up every day hating myself. I just want to be able to hold on to this feeling, and I'm really worried I won't be able to. I've been back at uni for 2 days now, and tonight I am going out with 2 people from my flat and I am so worried that everything is going to go wrong and I am going to do soemthing stupid and I~ just don't want to feel as bad as I have done since being at uni. I feel like its going to happen though, like I will probably drink too muchand just not be the person who I want to be. But its the routine and I feel like I don't know how to break the habit, ive never been sober in a club here. And I know uni isnt at all all about going out at night, but its more about trying to make friends, and everyone already seems to be in a group and i feel like the only way i can approach people I half know to have a chat with them is if i have had a drink first. I know this is bad, and back home i hardly drunk anything at all, but back there i have so much more confidence.
basically I just feel a bit lost here and lonely and empty, I know other people feel similar because I have read other threads.
I was talking to a friend from home about how i feel, and although i don't think she really understood she said maybe i should see a councillor, but I have no idea about that and is it expensive? I would be far too scared aswell i think, but maybe if it would help me cope better it would be a good thing. if anyone knows how to go about seeing some kind of councillor?
I'm really sorry about the rant.
Reply 1
I feel the same,
I love being at home, the security of a stable group of friends, family there to concrete boundries and just everything is familar.
I get very panciky over having no "real" friends too, and I think some people are using me.
Yeah, everyone here has thier own group, and even when I go to see friends at other Unis i seem to make mates quickly, but here everyone doesnt seem to "let me in".
Its embrassing, stupid and annoying.
Sorry, but sometimes it helps knowing other people are in the same situation.
I love being at home, the security of a stable group of friends, family there to concrete boundries and just everything is familar.
I get very panciky over having no "real" friends too, and I think some people are using me.
Yeah, everyone here has thier own group, and even when I go to see friends at other Unis i seem to make mates quickly, but here everyone doesnt seem to "let me in".
Its embrassing, stupid and annoying.
Sorry, but sometimes it helps knowing other people are in the same situation.
Reply 2
Anonymous
this is just another "im finding uni really hard" thread, but I kinda feel like I need to talk about it a bit. It's taken going home for Christmas and then coming back to realise how much it is actually affecting me, and I don't like it. Last term I went through stages of just getting so drunk that I did silly things, and I had one night stands, and told people I hardly know that stupid things and would accuse them of thinking things and stuff and just basically acted in a way that made me hate myself. I can't really explain how bad I think it is. I just know I've gone a bit crazy and kinda gone off the rails a little bit, and I am just finding it a bit hard to cope, and some mornings I would wake up and just think "I have nothing to get out of bed for" I haven't made a stable group of friends yet and keep on getting really panicky that I never will and that people judge me because they think I have no "proper" friend. In the last week of term I could barely pluck up the courage to leave the flat in the day light incase I bumped into anyone that I had made a fool out of myself in front of, and in the nights I would go out with my flatmates and get horrendoulsy drunk and say stupid things to potential friends.
But over the Christmas my frienfds back home just made me feel normal again, and I have now gone back to feeling a bit more sane and positive and like I can face people with a bit more confidence. And I had such a good few weeks because I was feeling so much better about myself, and not waking up every day hating myself. I just want to be able to hold on to this feeling, and I'm really worried I won't be able to. I've been back at uni for 2 days now, and tonight I am going out with 2 people from my flat and I am so worried that everything is going to go wrong and I am going to do soemthing stupid and I~ just don't want to feel as bad as I have done since being at uni. I feel like its going to happen though, like I will probably drink too muchand just not be the person who I want to be. But its the routine and I feel like I don't know how to break the habit, ive never been sober in a club here. And I know uni isnt at all all about going out at night, but its more about trying to make friends, and everyone already seems to be in a group and i feel like the only way i can approach people I half know to have a chat with them is if i have had a drink first. I know this is bad, and back home i hardly drunk anything at all, but back there i have so much more confidence.
basically I just feel a bit lost here and lonely and empty, I know other people feel similar because I have read other threads.
I was talking to a friend from home about how i feel, and although i don't think she really understood she said maybe i should see a councillor, but I have no idea about that and is it expensive? I would be far too scared aswell i think, but maybe if it would help me cope better it would be a good thing. if anyone knows how to go about seeing some kind of councillor?
I'm really sorry about the rant.
But over the Christmas my frienfds back home just made me feel normal again, and I have now gone back to feeling a bit more sane and positive and like I can face people with a bit more confidence. And I had such a good few weeks because I was feeling so much better about myself, and not waking up every day hating myself. I just want to be able to hold on to this feeling, and I'm really worried I won't be able to. I've been back at uni for 2 days now, and tonight I am going out with 2 people from my flat and I am so worried that everything is going to go wrong and I am going to do soemthing stupid and I~ just don't want to feel as bad as I have done since being at uni. I feel like its going to happen though, like I will probably drink too muchand just not be the person who I want to be. But its the routine and I feel like I don't know how to break the habit, ive never been sober in a club here. And I know uni isnt at all all about going out at night, but its more about trying to make friends, and everyone already seems to be in a group and i feel like the only way i can approach people I half know to have a chat with them is if i have had a drink first. I know this is bad, and back home i hardly drunk anything at all, but back there i have so much more confidence.
basically I just feel a bit lost here and lonely and empty, I know other people feel similar because I have read other threads.
I was talking to a friend from home about how i feel, and although i don't think she really understood she said maybe i should see a councillor, but I have no idea about that and is it expensive? I would be far too scared aswell i think, but maybe if it would help me cope better it would be a good thing. if anyone knows how to go about seeing some kind of councillor?
I'm really sorry about the rant.
University definately changes a person (even if some deny this change) - whether for the best or worst. You seem like a really down-to-earth and intelligent person, especially since you've noticed the problem that you are in. Personally, I don't think you need the help of a councillor; I think you need to let your true character shine through rather than hide it behind a mask of drunkeness (which probably makes you seem unapproachable and arrogant to those around you that don't know you). The fact that you have a group of friends back home shows that you could quite easily find people at University which share similar interests to you.
It is admittedly very hard to not give into pressure at University, especially for example drinking - which seems to be part of the stereotypical University student image. Maybe making a fresh start would include keeping away from areas of alcohol for a while. Semester 2 has a lot to offer, especially since many people will be signing up for clubs and societies again - why not try to do the same? It is a good place to meet like-minded people and socialise with those you may not have otherwise met. Find some people who do not know you and what you have been up to in Semester 1 and start afresh.
You seem like a considerate person who genuinely wants to change - I wish you all the best.
Reply 3
I think that you are stuck in a vicious circle. You drink in order to socialise as you feel you have no "real friends, consequently you act in an embarassing manner which causes you to avoid them in the future which therefore means that you make no proper friends and thus the circle starts again.
Firstly, I would suggest that you stop looking for friends on nights out as the environment of clubs just isn't conducive to striking up good friendships. I'm not suggesting that you never go again but just that your social life shouldn't centre around them as it is rather unhealthy and obviously you have recognised yourself the destructive effect this lifestyle is having on your confidence. Why not instead join a society or be more friendly with your coursemates? Surely you have not damaged every possible friendship availabe at uni just yet.
Secondly, I think that you shouldn't pressurise yourself so much to find the so called "real friends" that everyone else seems to have in place already. One term is not a long time in order to make lasting friendships and from my own experience I have noticed that there are many changes that occur between friendship groups as the years of a degree pass. Of course your friends and family at home that you have known for years will seem to be the safer option at the moment but this does not mean that you will never make good friends in the future. In the meantime however why not just enjoy being with your flatmates or friends that you know at uni without constantly worrying why you are not better mates.
Firstly, I would suggest that you stop looking for friends on nights out as the environment of clubs just isn't conducive to striking up good friendships. I'm not suggesting that you never go again but just that your social life shouldn't centre around them as it is rather unhealthy and obviously you have recognised yourself the destructive effect this lifestyle is having on your confidence. Why not instead join a society or be more friendly with your coursemates? Surely you have not damaged every possible friendship availabe at uni just yet.
Secondly, I think that you shouldn't pressurise yourself so much to find the so called "real friends" that everyone else seems to have in place already. One term is not a long time in order to make lasting friendships and from my own experience I have noticed that there are many changes that occur between friendship groups as the years of a degree pass. Of course your friends and family at home that you have known for years will seem to be the safer option at the moment but this does not mean that you will never make good friends in the future. In the meantime however why not just enjoy being with your flatmates or friends that you know at uni without constantly worrying why you are not better mates.
Reply 4
Don't worry too much about this. I have lost my closest "friends" over housing discussions and I have learnt that people are incredibly fickle and that our relationship was almost forced due to us being in halls together.
I am starting afresh next term, I am signing up for a bunch of new societies and putting semester one behind me.
I also found intergrating yourself in the city/town outside of university works a treat. I found joining in with the local fashion show really built my self confidence and I made some other friends outside of university.
I am starting afresh next term, I am signing up for a bunch of new societies and putting semester one behind me.
I also found intergrating yourself in the city/town outside of university works a treat. I found joining in with the local fashion show really built my self confidence and I made some other friends outside of university.
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- Thinking of going by middle name at uni
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- A levels
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