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Would you stay with someone with a mental illness out of "charity"?

Or do you think it's possible to really legitimately love someone who "isn't quite right in the head"?

Let's say you meet a guy, fall in love but find out he has MH issues do you stay with him?

If they got worse would you still stay would him out of love or simply obligation?
Reply 1
It's definitely possible to love them. Staying with them is a really personal thing and there's no right answer. bailing at the first hurdle is out of order but sometimes you really do need to look out for number one, and in a lot of these cases, what is going on in their head either emotionally or physically manifests onto you.
Of course you can legitimately love someone with a mental health issues, why on earth would you think you couldn't?

As for would I stay with someone with MH issue? If it wasn't seriously affecting the relationships or my mental health of course.

If I didn't love them, would I stay with them out of obligation though? No chance in hell....not because of their MH. But because I feel 0 obligation or responsibility to stay with people for their mental health. As harsh as it may sound their MH is neither my problem nor my responsibility and I won't give up my life, needs or wants for them.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Or do you think it's possible to really legitimately love someone who "isn't quite right in the head"?

Let's say you meet a guy, fall in love but find out he has MH issues do you stay with him?

If they got worse would you still stay would him out of love or simply obligation?


I won’t keep anyone under any obligation to love me because of my mental health issues. I want someone to genuinely love me for who I am (which is impossible as it is anyway), and because they feel bad for me.
Original post by Kevin Hodge
I won’t keep anyone under any obligation to love me because of my mental health issues. I want someone to genuinely love me for who I am (which is impossible as it is anyway), and because they feel bad for me.


Why do you think its impossible to be loved for who you are? Sounds a bit irrational.
Original post by banoffeee
Why do you think its impossible to be loved for who you are? Sounds a bit irrational.


If it was possible you would’ve thought it would’ve happened by now.
Original post by Kevin Hodge
If it was possible you would’ve thought it would’ve happened by now.


Not necessarily because people grow and change and become more ready to accept relationships. Some people are more natural with relationships or just lucky enough to meet the right person early, others complete a different path before they are ready, and have developed themselves, or simply are unlucky in meeting the right person younger.

I used to say similar stuff to myself but I think it's ********. You can't tell yourself you're never going to find someone because you don't know what the future holds. No one does. I also look at cases of people with disfigurements or whatever, and it would have been easy for them to write themselves off, it would be easy to say they were abnormal so to speak, and that no one would commit to them etc, but it's frankly not true. If you watch a couple TED talks you see instances where people have found a great relationship against the odds. Everyone can find love, maybe you can't summon it to come, and maybe you have some bad attitudes towards yourself right now, but work on the way you view yourself... and you might just be surprised. Give yourself a chance!

To answer your original question, i think it's better to try to treat whatever issues you have and get mentally healthy, and really work on yourself, before you commit to a relationship. That doesn't mean that one day you won't be ready. Plus I doubt anyone really stays with someone 'out of obligation', there always must be something more
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by banoffeee
Not necessarily because people grow and change and become more ready to accept relationships. Some people are more natural with relationships or just lucky enough to meet the right person early, others complete a different path before they are ready, and have developed themselves, or simply are unlucky in meeting the right person younger.

I used to say similar stuff to myself but I think it's ********. You can't tell yourself you're never going to find someone because you don't know what the future holds. No one does. I also look at cases of people with disfigurements or whatever, and it would have been easy for them to write themselves off, it would be easy to say they were abnormal so to speak, and that no one would commit to them etc, but it's frankly not true. If you watch a couple TED talks you see instances where people have found a great relationship against the odds. Everyone can find love, maybe you can't summon it to come, and maybe you have some bad attitudes towards yourself right now, but work on the way you view yourself... and you might just be surprised. Give yourself a chance!

To answer your original question, i think it's better to try to treat whatever issues you have and get mentally healthy, and really work on yourself, before you commit to a relationship. That doesn't mean that one day you won't be ready. Plus I doubt anyone really stays with someone 'out of obligation', there always must be something more


I’ve just sort of stopped caring about relationships since I pretty much gave up. Just focused on living my own life. If one day a miracle happens and I find someone then good on me, but I’ve just decided to stop paying attention to that part of my life and gotten on and lived my own life. Maybe one day I can surprise myself. Who knows? :smile:
I think it is perfectly possible to still be in love with someone who does have mental health issues, I mean if you are attracted to each other I guess you would be there for them.
People definitely do genuinely fall in love with people with mental problems. If I didn't, I wouldn't be inclined to stay purely because of their illness tho. If it was really serious I could probably be persuaded tho, "sob stories" really work well on me.
As someone who is mentally ill myself: I would never stay with a mentally ill person purely out of obligation, and I would hate for someone to stay with me purely out of obligation :s-smilie:
Original post by Anonymous
Or do you think it's possible to really legitimately love someone who "isn't quite right in the head"?

Let's say you meet a guy, fall in love but find out he has MH issues do you stay with him?

If they got worse would you still stay would him out of love or simply obligation?


That is hideous. I would never want someone to stay with me out of charity and I would never put someone(Or myself) through that. You can love someone mentally ill.

On the other hand, there isn't enough information here to make a real decision: What is the mental illness? If it's depression - Sure. If it's homicidal mania, probably not.
Original post by Kevin Hodge
I’ve just sort of stopped caring about relationships since I pretty much gave up. Just focused on living my own life. If one day a miracle happens and I find someone then good on me, but I’ve just decided to stop paying attention to that part of my life and gotten on and lived my own life. Maybe one day I can surprise myself. Who knows? :smile:


It's normal to hope for a relationship, but sometimes you need several tries before you meet the right person.
Learn to be at ease with yourself above all, and figure out what makes YOU happy, and everything else will eventually fall into place.
Original post by ThatOldGuy
That is hideous. I would never want someone to stay with me out of charity and I would never put someone(Or myself) through that. You can love someone mentally ill.

On the other hand, there isn't enough information here to make a real decision: What is the mental illness? If it's depression - Sure. If it's homicidal mania, probably not.


I'm not sure I understand what's "hideous"? Me? :colondollar:

I ask not because I want someone to stay with someone with a mental illness out of obligation but because I'm worried that's what's they're doing.
Reply 14
No i wouldnt stay with them out of charity, it's demeaning to all involved. That being said i wouldnt leave someone because of said affliction either.
Staying with someone out of charity is ridiculous and if you see them as charity they can do better.
I've got bipolar aka a bipolar bear lol and would hate for anyone to feel charity for me fgs I'm an overall normal person not a charity and it'd honestly make me feel worse. But neither am I unloveable or unable to have a relationship - I've had very positive ones in spite of my illness.
There are some illnesses which are harder in terms of relationships such as bpd in which relationships and how they work is a big part, but again doesn't mean someone can't find someone who would honestly love them and it is very much possible.
I would honestly rather live alone with my cats than be with some idiot who thinks I'm a charity.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not sure I understand what's "hideous"? Me? :colondollar:

I ask not because I want someone to stay with someone with a mental illness out of obligation but because I'm worried that's what's they're doing.


Staying with someone out of obligation is hideous.

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