AimeeLJ
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Okay, sorry if this gets long winded, but I'm finding myself very upset tonight as I'm brinking on what might possibly be a serious falling out with my mother which is really horrible to think about.

When I got into university I won a £2,500 scholarship which I can use however I like. Initially my straightforward father wanted me to save it for a car or for a future house deposit, but my need for those things are miles away.

What I think will be really worthwhile is an expedition with a scientific organisation (some of you may know them : Operation Wallacea) to do my dissertation research this summer ready for my 3rd year write up. It sounds like hell of an experience and it will most likely get me a 1st or at least a 2:1 dissertation.

Last year my parents booked their regular holiday to Orlando and asked if I would be doing anything next June - I said I didn't think so, but how could I know? I said maybe I'd have a job or work experience on, but they'd already gone and booked it anyway so I didn't really have much choice in the matter. I stay home to house/dogsit (they do take me, but I'm happy to let them enjoy themselves as I've grown older. They also paid for a different trip that I went on just this past September, but I am hoping to raise all the money I need for the OpWall expedition myself).

Here's the thing: the dissertation project dates would require me to fly out four days before they are home. My mother is refusing to think about having anyone else watch the dogs if I go and is making me feel pretty *****y about the whole thing, basically if I insist on going, she'll have to cancel or move her holiday and I'm going to feel like human trash forever about it. She deserves her holiday, but this is really important to me and I feel like I will really regret missing this opportunity. I didn't think her finding a dogsitter would be such a huge deal.
She's not happy about it, and my dad isn't in the loop yet. Worried he's going to flip out about it too.

Now that's all off my chest... can I get you guys' thoughts on this? Am I selfish for wanting to do this? Is it worth pissing off my parents?

Thanks for your time.
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999tigger
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(Original post by AimeeLJ)
Okay, sorry if this gets long winded, but I'm finding myself very upset tonight as I'm brinking on what might possibly be a serious falling out with my mother which is really horrible to think about.

When I got into university I won a £2,500 scholarship which I can use however I like. Initially my straightforward father wanted me to save it for a car or for a future house deposit, but my need for those things are miles away.

What I think will be really worthwhile is an expedition with a scientific organisation (some of you may know them : Operation Wallacea) to do my dissertation research this summer ready for my 3rd year write up. It sounds like hell of an experience and it will most likely get me a 1st or at least a 2:1 dissertation.

Last year my parents booked their regular holiday to Orlando and asked if I would be doing anything next June - I said I didn't think so, but how could I know? I said maybe I'd have a job or work experience on, but they'd already gone and booked it anyway so I didn't really have much choice in the matter. I stay home to house/dogsit (they do take me, but I'm happy to let them enjoy themselves as I've grown older. They also paid for a different trip that I went on just this past September, but I am hoping to raise all the money I need for the OpWall expedition myself).

Here's the thing: the dissertation project dates would require me to fly out four days before they are home. My mother is refusing to think about having anyone else watch the dogs if I go and is making me feel pretty *****y about the whole thing, basically if I insist on going, she'll have to cancel or move her holiday and I'm going to feel like human trash forever about it. She deserves her holiday, but this is really important to me and I feel like I will really regret missing this opportunity. I didn't think her finding a dogsitter would be such a huge deal.
She's not happy about it, and my dad isn't in the loop yet. Worried he's going to flip out about it too.

Now that's all off my chest... can I get you guys' thoughts on this? Am I selfish for wanting to do this? Is it worth pissing off my parents?

Thanks for your time.
You really need a mediator and to work something out.

1. Does she want you to go?

2.Have you pointed out the date is non negotiable?

3. Offer to pay for the dog sitter and find one she is happy with? i.e bring them round and let her choose or at least do the research for her?

4. Get your dad in the loop as you then know how you stand.

5. Stop letting them pay for you.

6. You stand more chance if you sit down and listen to her point of view. You need to appreciate how she is feeling. I'm not getting the impression you do.
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bones-mccoy
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Parents are notorious for being unreasonable. Surely there's someone else to look after the dogs for those four days? Even if it's one of those companies than run dog hotels or whatever. It sounds like she doesn't understand how important this research will be towards your dissertation and how it could impact the grade that you graduate with, so you need to explain why. Stay calm, don't shout or get angry, and calmly try to make her see that this is an opportunity practically no one else will get. You do also need to take into consideration her point of view, though it does sound like she's overreacting.
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DYoverDX
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https://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/...r2975726_1.gif
yes you are
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