How to pass off as neurotypical?
i decided this would probably fit into the mental health forum even though I don't have any mental health problems but anyway...well, I don't know where to start. I'm autistic, nearly 17 and currently in Year 12. I'm studying AS Levels at my school's sixth form. And I've had enough of feeling alienated from this world. I know there are other people with worse problems out there but I've felt horrible about my disability since December last year. Back then, it got to the point where I felt so low about not having the confidence and inability to socialise properly that I wished my disability away. It's not the lowest point I've been at but I just want to at least pass off as neurotypical so I don't feel as damaged. I'm not at the point where I'd change myself completely like I was, but I'd definitely change my lack of social skills in a heartbeat. Head of sixth form keeps bleating on about university and A-Levels in assemblies whereas I'm just sat there wondering how I'll ever be an adult in this neurotypical world where I can't even hold a simple conversation without having to change the subject 50 times. I can't talk to people without pronouncing something wrong or wording stuff completely stupid or even forgetting what the end of my sentence is. I word stuff so perfectly, so articulately in my head and then it all comes out as goobledygook and nobody understands how frustrating that is! And then there's articles online spouting crap about how bad autism is and it doesn't help your morale. :9
Like I said, it's nothing like what other people are going through but the feelings of alienation are difficult to put up with when you've got A-Levels to prepare for. And I'm stuck with having no motivation; either that or I have the motivation to do work and then when it comes to it, I bail out. I struggle talking to people about how I feel which is why I'm on here in the first place. Never mind A-Levels...I'd just like to pass off as neurotypical so I can at least not cringe at myself whenever I try and speak to someone. It's so isolating. :L
I just feel so damaged. No point in talking to my head of sixth form because she'll refer me to the Head of SENCO and there's no point in talking to her because she'll refer me to the Safeguarding team and I really do not want to go down that route again. Had counselling in Year 9 and I stopped going just so I could be taken off the list because it does not work for me. Also, the Head of SENCO is patronising anyway and thinks she's the mental health expert. Suggested that two of my friends were attention-seeking...
I was feeling okay this morning but now I'm just sat here hoping my head of sixth form doesn't kill me on Monday for not helping out with Children in Need like I'm supposed to. I just need to get a grip. I know I'm not dealing with the root cause of my problem by hiding my disability completely but it would stop me feeling so broken.
Like I said, it's nothing like what other people are going through but the feelings of alienation are difficult to put up with when you've got A-Levels to prepare for. And I'm stuck with having no motivation; either that or I have the motivation to do work and then when it comes to it, I bail out. I struggle talking to people about how I feel which is why I'm on here in the first place. Never mind A-Levels...I'd just like to pass off as neurotypical so I can at least not cringe at myself whenever I try and speak to someone. It's so isolating. :L
I just feel so damaged. No point in talking to my head of sixth form because she'll refer me to the Head of SENCO and there's no point in talking to her because she'll refer me to the Safeguarding team and I really do not want to go down that route again. Had counselling in Year 9 and I stopped going just so I could be taken off the list because it does not work for me. Also, the Head of SENCO is patronising anyway and thinks she's the mental health expert. Suggested that two of my friends were attention-seeking...
I was feeling okay this morning but now I'm just sat here hoping my head of sixth form doesn't kill me on Monday for not helping out with Children in Need like I'm supposed to. I just need to get a grip. I know I'm not dealing with the root cause of my problem by hiding my disability completely but it would stop me feeling so broken.
You're not damaged at all. You've got a disability that's not your fault in any way and doesn't change you as a person. Unfortunately many schools are ill-equipped to deal with things like these, mine were useless when I was having problems during sixth form too, but you could seek help elsewhere. I know you said you tried counselling in Year 9 and that it doesn't work for you, but a lot of the time it takes patience and almost pot-luck to find someone you can really connect with and feel comfortable talking to. Please don't dismiss counselling because you had a bad experience all those years ago, it can be really beneficial if you stick at it and actively work to improve how you're feeling.
(edited 6 years ago)
Well, as the mum of an aspie I can relate
You are clearly articulate and educated and have a great deal to offer
You don’t need to be just like everyone else. You just need to be the best you that you can be
As has been said, don’t dismiss support. Find it elsewhere not school
Maybe your gp can help?
You are clearly articulate and educated and have a great deal to offer
You don’t need to be just like everyone else. You just need to be the best you that you can be
As has been said, don’t dismiss support. Find it elsewhere not school
Maybe your gp can help?
Thank you both for your replies. Like I made clear in the original OP, I am definitely not going down the safeguarding route at my school because I really don't want to talk to my patronising Head of SENCO. Also, it kind of reminds me of when I was depressed in Years 8/9 which I don't exactly want to be reminded off. I guess I could tell my family how I feel though, and see where it goes from there. I know that passing off as neurotypical isn't exactly dealing with the root cause of my problems but it would at least comfort me in the meanwhile. I know I'm not damaged but I just can't help feeling it.
Well, here's an update...
Asides from feeling damaged and alienated in the world, I have basically had an unhealthy mindset for ages. I am a huge pessimist and I'm stuck in a constant cycle of self-hatred. Like quite literally every...single...day. I'm not spending every minute of every day hating myself or anything but my self-hatred is always there in the back of my mind, waiting to hit me at the most inconvenient of times. As I mentioned in a previous reply, I went through a phase of depression in Years 8/9 (mostly Year 8 as it ended soon after I started year 9). I basically spend my life wasting away the hours, ding nothing productive. I didn't revise for my GCSEs which is my own fault and I accept responsibility. And I know that this is my last chance to show my secondary school my true potential but I just can't be bothered to anything due to my pessimistic mindset. And then I hate myself for wasting away my life and potential because my problems are my own fault and I am my own worst enemy. My friend thinks I may have a form of depression.
I am basically just a toxic person anyway. What have I even become?
Asides from feeling damaged and alienated in the world, I have basically had an unhealthy mindset for ages. I am a huge pessimist and I'm stuck in a constant cycle of self-hatred. Like quite literally every...single...day. I'm not spending every minute of every day hating myself or anything but my self-hatred is always there in the back of my mind, waiting to hit me at the most inconvenient of times. As I mentioned in a previous reply, I went through a phase of depression in Years 8/9 (mostly Year 8 as it ended soon after I started year 9). I basically spend my life wasting away the hours, ding nothing productive. I didn't revise for my GCSEs which is my own fault and I accept responsibility. And I know that this is my last chance to show my secondary school my true potential but I just can't be bothered to anything due to my pessimistic mindset. And then I hate myself for wasting away my life and potential because my problems are my own fault and I am my own worst enemy. My friend thinks I may have a form of depression.
I am basically just a toxic person anyway. What have I even become?
(edited 6 years ago)
Ignore the CAPS LOCK on my previous reply. I wasn't having a rant and it wasn't intentional, I promise. It's difficult trying to type this on the school computer with the browser minimised and hidden half the time so I can't see what I'm typing. Obviously, I'm trying to make sure nobody else sees what I'm typing. I obviously hit the CAPS LOCK key instead of the shift, by mistake. And I really couldn't be bothered to go back and re-type what I had. Too much effort.
You are still depressed and you need to see your gp ASAP.
No need to involve school if you don’t want but the more support you can get the better.
You can turn this around and you deserve it.
Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyway?
You are amazing, unique, clever and you need to fulfill your potential.
Try to find the positives. When you’re asd it can be puzzling trying to understand other people. Concentrate on understanding yourself for now but get some help. Please
No need to involve school if you don’t want but the more support you can get the better.
You can turn this around and you deserve it.
Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyway?
You are amazing, unique, clever and you need to fulfill your potential.
Try to find the positives. When you’re asd it can be puzzling trying to understand other people. Concentrate on understanding yourself for now but get some help. Please
Original post by Sammylou40
You are still depressed and you need to see your gp ASAP.
No need to involve school if you don’t want but the more support you can get the better.
You can turn this around and you deserve it.
Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyway?
You are amazing, unique, clever and you need to fulfill your potential.
Try to find the positives. When you’re asd it can be puzzling trying to understand other people. Concentrate on understanding yourself for now but get some help. Please
No need to involve school if you don’t want but the more support you can get the better.
You can turn this around and you deserve it.
Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyway?
You are amazing, unique, clever and you need to fulfill your potential.
Try to find the positives. When you’re asd it can be puzzling trying to understand other people. Concentrate on understanding yourself for now but get some help. Please
I appreciate your concern and I will tell a relative ASAP. Scared as to where it'll go from there. I'm just scared I'll end up like my mother who has had three breakdowns. I spoke to her briefly and she said I might end up like her if I'm feeling down now. I really don't want that.
I've been telling myself I ain't depressed and to get a grip for ages, because I thought I was being melodramatic as loads of people have it worse. My brother does, for example. Maybe you're right and I've been kidding myself all along. It ain't normal to imagine yourself walking into incoming traffic, after all.
Original post by Hey_Its_Cerian
I appreciate your concern and I will tell a relative ASAP. Scared as to where it'll go from there. I'm just scared I'll end up like my mother who has had three breakdowns. I spoke to her briefly and she said I might end up like her if I'm feeling down now. I really don't want that.
I've been telling myself I ain't depressed and to get a grip for ages, because I thought I was being melodramatic as loads of people have it worse. My brother does, for example. Maybe you're right and I've been kidding myself all along. It ain't normal to imagine yourself walking into incoming traffic, after all.
I've been telling myself I ain't depressed and to get a grip for ages, because I thought I was being melodramatic as loads of people have it worse. My brother does, for example. Maybe you're right and I've been kidding myself all along. It ain't normal to imagine yourself walking into incoming traffic, after all.
The sooner you can get some help, the less likely it is that it’ll become a crisis. We are much better these days at taking mental health seriously although resources are still sadly lacking. Getting your name down quickly is even more important.
Don’t feel you have no one. Rather than struggling please pm me anytime. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can
