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I can't keep up with Islam. What do I do? Watch

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    #1

    I can't tell my parents either, they'd have a psychological or physiological breakdown immediately :|
    The reason is that up until this point, despite the fact that I've tried my best to conform to their 'standards' of being a good, peaceful person from the inside and the outside - and implemented every Islamic thing that I thought was good like dressing modestly, praying to God, helping others (I still do all this) but then I look at the community and the people in it that continuously bash me for my views. My own mother does .-. And it honestly discourages and depresses me so much that I tried so f***ing hard to be a good Muslim and everyone said I was an ideal Muslim girl but now that I'm older and going to uni next year, did I realize how much I was missing...
    I'm honestly just sick of having to hear everyone point me out on all these rules that I'm not adhering to - or don't want to adhere to.
    • I dress modestly, but I can't express myself.
    • I can't openly have a relationship with anyone that I want. Especially when my parents go all gung-ho about where he's from (particularly his race and religion because then, it's a straight up no.) My only 'marriage choices' are limited to Muslim men above 25...
    • I seriously can't deal with the early marriage aspect. My mother wants me to get married to a muslim dude and never once told me about the horrifying aspect of it. Things like the first marriage night. And I'm f***ing asexual. I don't want a random stranger raping me on the first night of our marriage, jfc. And my parents wouldn't even object by saying that it's a blessed thing and HAS to happen or else God will curse you. -_- (why would God curse you if he loves you...?"
    I don't even know this person, how do I know they'll be right for the rest of my life..?
    • I can't keep up with the daily prayers. I just can't.
    • I get depressive thoughts just thinking about it.
    • I'm just sick of all the rules and rituals and miss the freedom. I know some of you will be like this is necessary and 'the dunya is a test, sister!' But for real though, I need proof .-. I got serious trust issues regarding facts.
    I was thinking that maybe I need a break from Islam and just need to live a little. Especially at uni. When I'm all by myself with plenty of time to explore myself and maybe then I'll truly find if Islam is for me or not.

    What're your thoughts on this? Civil, educated suggestions please.
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    Not an expert at all really, as I'm sort of a Christian, but I'm of the opinion with everything that your happiness is the most important thing.
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    Stop trying. Live your life the way you want. Your parents are just going to have to accept it. Sure they'll freak out but is it more important that they're happier or you're happier?

    They can't control you forever ffs, you'll be an adult some day.
    • #2
    #2

    Why can't you keep up with daily prayers? Every prayer takes around 5minutes, 5x5=25minutes of your day. I am a muslim and I try my best to pray because I am thankful for what God has given me. Living in the West in this century I have a life better than 99% of those who have lived now and before me.
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    *not being proper parents I meant lol
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    Get to uni. Talk to lots of different but serious-minded people. Through discussion you should move towards a better understanding of the person you are and what you want - and can give - in your life. Clearly, you are not like your parents; what was/is good enough for them is not necessarily going to fit with your reading of the world. Once I was a Christian believer, now I am atheist, but the moral teachings of Jesus/Issa are still my guiding lights in the way I treat others. I just don’t need the bribe of going to heaven. To me all religion is a means of social control, made by men for the continuation of their coercive dominance. All religion looks more and more like a set of fairy stories to me. Nothing stands up to any examination by science in the modern age. Consider the teaching on evolution in your own religion: it is manifestly absurd. Christianity has given up on its version and now says that Genesis (the first book of the Bible, beginning with the creation of the world - is an allegory. They didn’t say that two hundred years ago when they were preaching to ignorant peasants though! ) False arguments - invariably ‘supported’ by holy writings are set against science. Having a faith that relies on your suspending your critical faculties is bound to create an irresolvable tension - even agony - in you. Ultimately, religions are restrictive, attempt to do your thinking for you and depend on your unquestioning obedience. But they are all different! Is one right and the rest wrong/flawed? To me they are all of another age - an age when the guru, priest, imam, rabbi had all the answers. Go out there! Be true to your moral principles - all religions have good moral teachings - listen, learn - and learn to love yourself through self-discovery. Bon courage!
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    (Original post by Nerry)
    Stop trying. Live your life the way you want. Your parents are just going to have to accept it. Sure they'll freak out but is it more important that they're happier or you're happier?

    They can't control you forever ffs, you'll be an adult some day.
    That's true, thanks for the assurance
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why can't you keep up with daily prayers? Every prayer takes around 5minutes, 5x5=25minutes of your day. I am a muslim and I try my best to pray because I am thankful for what God has given me. Living in the West in this century I have a life better than 99% of those who have lived now and before me.

    Try not to hate your religion just because your parents are being proper parents (forcing marriage). Islam says Parents shouldn't force their children especially if they are nearly adults
    My mum says that the Prophet says that you should get your kids married as soon as they enter puberty -_-
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    Do a TL;DR please
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum says that the Prophet says that you should get your kids married as soon as they enter puberty -_-
    Thats not true... my auntie got married when she was 30..
    • #4
    #4

    im sort of in the same boat.
    My parents are religious but have never imposed it on me much. I never wore hijab nor am I pushed to perform religious acts everyday but its is still too conservative for me. I've have been 'away' from the religion and its acts for about a year now trying to figure it out my self and figure my own self along the way as well. Maybe distancing yourself and going to uni would be the best option.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't tell my parents either, they'd have a psychological or physiological breakdown immediately :|
    The reason is that up until this point, despite the fact that I've tried my best to conform to their 'standards' of being a good, peaceful person from the inside and the outside - and implemented every Islamic thing that I thought was good like dressing modestly, praying to God, helping others (I still do all this) but then I look at the community and the people in it that continuously bash me for my views. My own mother does .-. And it honestly discourages and depresses me so much that I tried so f***ing hard to be a good Muslim and everyone said I was an ideal Muslim girl but now that I'm older and going to uni next year, did I realize how much I was missing...
    I'm honestly just sick of having to hear everyone point me out on all these rules that I'm not adhering to - or don't want to adhere to.
    • I dress modestly, but I can't express myself.
    • I can't openly have a relationship with anyone that I want. Especially when my parents go all gung-ho about where he's from (particularly his race and religion because then, it's a straight up no.) My only 'marriage choices' are limited to Muslim men above 25...
    • I seriously can't deal with the early marriage aspect. My mother wants me to get married to a muslim dude and never once told me about the horrifying aspect of it. Things like the first marriage night. And I'm f***ing asexual. I don't want a random stranger raping me on the first night of our marriage, jfc. And my parents wouldn't even object by saying that it's a blessed thing and HAS to happen or else God will curse you. -_- (why would God curse you if he loves you...?"
    I don't even know this person, how do I know they'll be right for the rest of my life..?
    • I can't keep up with the daily prayers. I just can't.
    • I get depressive thoughts just thinking about it.
    • I'm just sick of all the rules and rituals and miss the freedom. I know some of you will be like this is necessary and 'the dunya is a test, sister!' But for real though, I need proof .-. I got serious trust issues regarding facts.
    I was thinking that maybe I need a break from Islam and just need to live a little. Especially at uni. When I'm all by myself with plenty of time to explore myself and maybe then I'll truly find if Islam is for me or not.

    What're your thoughts on this? Civil, educated suggestions please.
    What a psychotic religion. Hope you get the happiness you desire and good luck!
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    What does Islam mean? It means peace, or submission, or submission to peace, or peace coming from submission.

    But submission here isn't a negative thing, Islam discourages what will turn you against peace. Islam believes that sex and relationships are best done through trustworthy marriages, and that peace comes from this, heartbreak comes from rushing into relationships with people who are unfaithful (see both the senses?)

    If you study early Islamic history many Muslims marry Christians, make alliances with Jews and so on, I don't believe marrying someone outside your race is 'Un Islamic' How could it be? There is such a massive diversity in races of Muslims that surely it is a nonsense to say. Plus Islam recognises the Muslim who sins through internal disbelief but practices externally, being a Muslim who is unfaithful is surely worse than marrying a faithful Christian or even non-believer?

    I think your parents have a twisted, superstitious view of Islam which is unfortunately very common
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    (Original post by live & let live)
    Get to uni. Talk to lots of different but serious-minded people. Through discussion you should move towards a better understanding of the person you are and what you want - and can give - in your life. Clearly, you are not like your parents; what was/is good enough for them is not necessarily going to fit with your reading of the world. Once I was a Christian believer, now I am atheist, but the moral teachings of Jesus/Issa are still my guiding lights in the way I treat others. I just don’t need the bribe of going to heaven. To me all religion is a means of social control, made by men for the continuation of their coercive dominance. All religion looks more and more like a set of fairy stories to me. Nothing stands up to any examination by science in the modern age. Consider the teaching on evolution in your own religion: it is manifestly absurd. Christianity has given up on its version and now says that Genesis (the first book of the Bible, beginning with the creation of the world - is an allegory. They didn’t say that two hundred years ago when they were preaching to ignorant peasants though! ) False arguments - invariably ‘supported’ by holy writings are set against science. Having a faith that relies on your suspending your critical faculties is bound to create an irresolvable tension - even agony - in you. Ultimately, religions are restrictive, attempt to do your thinking for you and depend on your unquestioning obedience. But they are all different! Is one right and the rest wrong/flawed? To me they are all of another age - an age when the guru, priest, imam, rabbi had all the answers. Go out there! Be true to your moral principles - all religions have good moral teachings - listen, learn - and learn to love yourself through self-discovery. Bon courage!
    I want to quote this, get it framed and stick it to my wall and make it portable if possible! Thank you so much! This makes me look forward to my future in uni and beyond a lot more And I don't think I should worry about religion too much now. If it really is (or was) the best religion for me, God will take me there and if not, then so be it. At least I'll be free to live just the way I want and I know that if my parents truly care about me, they'll have to let me do the thinking for myself. I won't be a child forever, I have to grow up one day and that's soon and I want to be able to live my own damn life. And like you said, their values are according to their times and teachings, mine are according to my own environment and knowledge. They're both tremendously different and just can't be merged into one or taken over because they literally define my life and my future. Especially something like religion. It's literally up to the person to decide so why force them into it...? I'll choose to stay quiet and do my digging and research before I face my parents in any controversial religious issue which would define my future life.
    Thank you so much for that response! I know exactly what to do now
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    (Original post by Queen_Petal)
    Thats not true... my auntie got married when she was 30..
    It obviously differs from person to person
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It obviously differs from person to person
    True.. and plese dont leave Islam! Plus, try to do dua to Allah
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    (Original post by Buda951)
    What does Islam mean? It means peace, or submission, or submission to peace, or peace coming from submission.

    But submission here isn't a negative thing, Islam discourages what will turn you against peace. Islam believes that sex and relationships are best done through trustworthy marriages, and that peace comes from this, heartbreak comes from rushing into relationships with people who are unfaithful (see both the senses?)

    If you study early Islamic history many Muslims marry Christians, make alliances with Jews and so on, I don't believe marrying someone outside your race is 'Un Islamic' How could it be? There is such a massive diversity in races of Muslims that surely it is a nonsense to say. Plus Islam recognises the Muslim who sins through internal disbelief but practices externally, being a Muslim who is unfaithful is surely worse than marrying a faithful Christian or even non-believer?

    I think your parents have a twisted, superstitious view of Islam which is unfortunately very common
    Precisely But the thing is, my parents are just set on the fact that marrying outside of my race will 'make my future children non-muslims' and hence ruin their repute in front of God :| I agree with the other points you mentioned.

    And also, how do you build trustworthy relationships when you don't even know the person? I want to know the person I want to spend my entire life with. I don't want a life-long sperm donor, I want a life partner.
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    (Original post by Queen_Petal)
    True.. and plese dont leave Islam! Plus, try to do dua to Allah
    Let her be free.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im sort of in the same boat.
    My parents are religious but have never imposed it on me much. I never wore hijab nor am I pushed to perform religious acts everyday but its is still too conservative for me. I've have been 'away' from the religion and its acts for about a year now trying to figure it out my self and figure my own self along the way as well. Maybe distancing yourself and going to uni would be the best option.
    Exactly, I hope to do the same. (u_u)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Precisely But the thing is, my parents are just set on the fact that marrying outside of my race will 'make my future children non-muslims' and hence ruin their repute in front of God :| I agree with the other points you mentioned.

    And also, how do you build trustworthy relationships when you don't even know the person? I want to know the person I want to spend my entire life with. I don't want a life-long sperm donor, I want a life partner.
    The only thing that will ruin their repute in front of God is very sinful behaviour, which is not really limited to any religion, other religions are called 'People of the Book' for a reason, and there is (in my opinion) no reason to believe a non believer is doomed. Look at many of the early Muslims again, they did not start Muslims, it did not even exist to be called a Muslim, yet there was a clear distinction between those who became Muslims, and those who continued to sin. To be a Muslim is not a title, it is a purity of heart which comes through good will.

    I don't believe in marriage with someone you don't know, you should always get to know someone before you marry them, it's the only way to tell if you they are truly faithful or not.
 
 
 
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