The Student Room Group

Am I overreacting?

So basically ive been speaking to this guy (lets name him Danny) for about a month (just on a casual/flirty type of level) and happened to develop feelings for him. My group of friends have known of this &of my feelings towards him, but recently he has been speaking to one of these friends. He sent her a message complementing her hair and she had told me about it. When I found out about this I was obvs annoyed with the guy and I assumed that my friend had stopped talking to him. However, today i was chilling with my friend and when she left the room, two snapchat notifications came up with 'Danny replayed your snap' and 'snapchat from danny'. When I came across this I was shocked and annoyed. This means that my friend obviously sent a snap to him and he sent one back, but the dilemma is I don't know if it was a one off or if they still continue to talk in secret. It has made me very paranoid about continuing my friendship with her and would be a massive slap in the face if a so called 'friend' would do this behind my back.
It may be innocent snapping, so maybe just ask her what they talk about. I guess if it was real then he wouldn’t seek other girls, if it wasn’t your friend it may have been someone else. You deserve better than him but also don’t get too ready to lose a friendship over a boy. Talk to her and ask her to be honest, go from there. I’m sorry
Reply 2
Bump
Bit of a snake going behind your back like that but I wouldn’t lose a friendship over someone like that. I don’t think it was mainly her fault and guys tend to be the ones making the first move. Personally I’d move on and ignore because he’s not the one for you, if he was your ex that’d be a different story
Reply 4
In the nicest possible way if you're no together and only chat casually then they no really done anything wrong technically.
I mean I can understand it does seem snakey of your mate to go behind your back knowing how you feel, but if he's given her the come'on and likes her or they're even just chatting as mates you canna really say anything because you're not together so whilst she should at least show you some respect, if he doesn't even know or feel the same then you shouldn't tell them what they can/ can't do.
Yes you are.
You’re not together. And never have been. He’s not “yours”
He can chat with whoever he wants to
Just because you fancy him does not mean he is off limits to every other female
They haven’t done anything wrong.
If you got together would you not allow him to talk to other girls?
That’s not healthy and guaranteed you’d not keep him for very long!
Jealousy destroys relationships and friendships. You need to get that under control
Original post by Sammylou40
You’re not together. And never have been. He’s not “yours”
He can chat with whoever he wants to
Just because you fancy him does not mean he is off limits to every other female
They haven’t done anything wrong.
If you got together would you not allow him to talk to other girls?
That’s not healthy and guaranteed you’d not keep him for very long!
Jealousy destroys relationships and friendships. You need to get that under control


No I think you're wrong on this. Her friend knew she had feelings for him. Me and my friends would never ever go after someone that one of us had feelings for - you just don't do that, it's called decency. OP you're totally right to feel stabbed in the back. I personally couldn't have friendship with someone like that because there would no longer be any trust. My advice is move on from the guy - you would know if he was into you, you wouldn't have to second guess. As for the friend - that's up to you. Personally I couldn't maintain that friendship but if it's too much hassle and would cause you more problems to break off the friendship, then keep her at a distance and don't tell her your personal problems etc - just be civil.

Honestly, just let them get on with it - focus on you and your goals and you will find someone who doesn't make you question them or wait around.
Original post by gonelifting
No I think you're wrong on this. Her friend knew she had feelings for him. Me and my friends would never ever go after someone that one of us had feelings for - you just don't do that, it's called decency. OP you're totally right to feel stabbed in the back. I personally couldn't have friendship with someone like that because there would no longer be any trust. My advice is move on from the guy - you would know if he was into you, you wouldn't have to second guess. As for the friend - that's up to you. Personally I couldn't maintain that friendship but if it's too much hassle and would cause you more problems to break off the friendship, then keep her at a distance and don't tell her your personal problems etc - just be civil.

Honestly, just let them get on with it - focus on you and your goals and you will find someone who doesn't make you question them or wait around.

How do you know the friend didn’t like him first?
And what if the boy prefers the friend?
No human has ownership of another. You can’t dictate who can talk to who
Being in a relationship doesn’t preclude you from friendship with males and females
If you cut off friendships for these reasons you’re going to be very lonely
Original post by Sammylou40
How do you know the friend didn’t like him first?
And what if the boy prefers the friend?
No human has ownership of another. You can’t dictate who can talk to who
Being in a relationship doesn’t preclude you from friendship with males and females
If you cut off friendships for these reasons you’re going to be very lonely


I'm going by what she's told us since that's the only info we have.
I didn't say anything about ownership over other people. I'm saying that out of respect for a friend, it's a normal and decent thing to not pursue a guy if you know that your friend has feelings for him - there are 7 billion people on this planet, all it takes is some self control and respect to your friend to leave that 1 person alone.

Frankly if a guy pursued me when I knew my friend had feelings for him, I would politely decline - there's plenty more fish in the sea and it's not nice to mess with a friend's emotions by getting involved. But if I happened to really like him and honestly believed there could be a serious relationship there, and he told me he wasn't into my friend, then I would have an open and honest discussion with my friend. I wouldn't act like a total fool and sneakily 'snapchat' the guy behind my friend's back.

Honestly, it just smacks of immaturity - the 'friend' should either leave well alone of the guy or have a serious conversation with the OP.

As for being lonely for cutting off friendships - personally it's better have a small amount of decent friends than a circle of immature two-faced people.
Reply 10
have you established a code of conduct with your friends about this sort of thing?

I mean if he was your boyfriend and she was doing it, pretty much everyone would regard what she's doing as out of order ....but if it's just some random guy who you are talking with, and he's the one pursuing her and as a result she's displaying interest back ... I wouldn't really drop a friendship because of it personally.............

maybe try and get her to back off if you feel that strongly about it...
or tell your crush you know what he's upto......

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