The Student Room Group

Boyfriend problems

So I’m 16 years old and in my first year of college. I’ve been with this boy for almost 8 months but in the summer holidays we were on and off and he really was horrible to me as he was in a different mindset because he was doing drugs. I’ve always been a laid back girlfriend and I didn’t care at first but I have severe anxiety and been through depression( I’ve had close people pass away) and him taking advantage of his life makes me angry. I’ve told him this but I still feel like he will continue on. He doesn’t do it all the (although he did in summer) but he does it now and then. In summer he kept having bad comedowns after the drugs and was in such bad mood swings this is the reason we kept breaking up as he was being pretty nasty. As soon as college started I forgave him and we’ve been fine for a month and a bit. What I’m really trying to say is shall I stay with him? Is this a toxic relationship? We were best friends for ages and when we were broken up I was severely depressed he was the best thing that ever happened to me I was in bits every single day. But he treated me like **** and he’s apologised so many times explaining he was different and that wasn’t him. Is he manipulating me? I just need help. Also to add on top of this I’m from an Indian Sikh background and I have many values and beliefs and drugs is certainly not on the list. My parents don’t know about this relationship as he is English white and they won’t be happy I’m with him especially as they’re very traditional and I’m still in my teens. Is this a normal teenage thing to go through? Do you think it’s worth it? I know he loves me very much but i know he won’t change. I just need some advice please I’m just so lost. Thankyou x
Original post by Anonymous
So I’m 16 years old and in my first year of college. I’ve been with this boy for almost 8 months but in the summer holidays we were on and off and he really was horrible to me as he was in a different mindset because he was doing drugs. I’ve always been a laid back girlfriend and I didn’t care at first but I have severe anxiety and been through depression( I’ve had close people pass away) and him taking advantage of his life makes me angry. I’ve told him this but I still feel like he will continue on. He doesn’t do it all the (although he did in summer) but he does it now and then. In summer he kept having bad comedowns after the drugs and was in such bad mood swings this is the reason we kept breaking up as he was being pretty nasty. As soon as college started I forgave him and we’ve been fine for a month and a bit. What I’m really trying to say is shall I stay with him? Is this a toxic relationship? We were best friends for ages and when we were broken up I was severely depressed he was the best thing that ever happened to me I was in bits every single day. But he treated me like **** and he’s apologised so many times explaining he was different and that wasn’t him. Is he manipulating me? I just need help. Also to add on top of this I’m from an Indian Sikh background and I have many values and beliefs and drugs is certainly not on the list. My parents don’t know about this relationship as he is English white and they won’t be happy I’m with him especially as they’re very traditional and I’m still in my teens. Is this a normal teenage thing to go through? Do you think it’s worth it? I know he loves me very much but i know he won’t change. I just need some advice please I’m just so lost. Thankyou x


That’s kinda hard situation. Have both of you thought to see a speaclist for your depression and drugs ? You may have to leave him and help yourself first if you suffer from depression. Cause your likely gonna struggle to over come your depression if you have him in your life especially if he is not willing to try sort himself out xx
The thing above love is that the characteristics we admire in one person belongs to many people. So if you love him because he's sweet or whatever, there are people out there who are just as sweet, if not sweeter. He just happened to be there at the right place at the right time to make you feel like he's the one for you. I mean, he's not. At least currently he's not. You must ask yourself why you love him, not as he was before when you fell in love with him, but why you love him now. Whatever reasons you find, ask yourself is it worth staying for. If it is, then stay, if it isn't then leave. The relationship itself isn't good. As soon as it becomes on and off, it's rare, if even possible, for it to ever become good and stable again.

Or perhaps you may choose to focus on the future. What he may be like, what he may become. If you vent your frustrations and feelings to him, and make him see stuff from your perspective, then surely he would understand and stop upsetting you and that. At least that's what he would do if he valued your relationship more than having drugs. But it is imperative that you figure out why he acted on the way he did, and ask if he will ever do it again. If he learns his lesson, then he's worth it, if he doesn't then he isn't. Rn you being so sad and down, it's not what a relationship should be about. Figure out his intentions, and give that more importance than his actions. If the intentions are good then he's just going about the wrong ways, cut him some slack
dump him

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