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She says she can't handle a relationship, can I still compliment her?

Hi all, just looking for some help please, I know this is extremely pedantic but no harm asking !

I see this girl weekly at tennis and went out with her to see fireworks last week and walk around town and she msged me after saying she had a great time. I also walked her home 3 times as we live in a similar direction after hockey sessions.

We get on really well and she even stated this as our conversations feel natural. When we talk on the phone we can go on for hours.

4 days ago, I told her ( I had known her about a month then) that I wanted to get to know her better and asked her out for ice skating.

She said she had lots of exams in 2 months (which is true) and that she isn't sure she could handle a relationship at the moment but is happy to know me in a friend way.

I know its basically a kind rejection but she's from a very conservative background and culture so I know she is shy with feelings etc

we havent msged since in those 4 days. At tennis today she wore her glasses which shes said numerously shes really insecure about, I wanted to drop a msg and said she looked fine today and not to worry in future but does that seem clingy/creepy after what she said to me?

I don't expect her to have a change of heart anyway, I do just want to tell her that as a friend, but I don't want her to mis interpret that, does it seem like an acceptable thing to do or should I move on completely?

(also she confessed she initially did like me a little a month ago and I said that too but we both kinda played hard to get so it got confusing for a few weeks and feelings may have died down...)

thanks for any advice!
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all, just looking for some help please, I know this is extremely pedantic but no harm asking !

I see this girl weekly at tennis and went out with her to see fireworks last week and walk around town and she msged me after saying she had a great time. I also walked her home 3 times as we live in a similar direction after hockey sessions.

We get on really well and she even stated this as our conversations feel natural. When we talk on the phone we can go on for hours.

4 days ago, I told her ( I had known her about a month then) that I wanted to get to know her better and asked her out for ice skating.

She said she had lots of exams in 2 months (which is true) and that she isn't sure she could handle a relationship at the moment but is happy to know me in a friend way.

I know its basically a kind rejection but she's from a very conservative background and culture so I know she is shy with feelings etc

we havent msged since in those 4 days. At tennis today she wore her glasses which shes said numerously shes really insecure about, I wanted to drop a msg and said she looked fine today and not to worry in future but does that seem clingy/creepy after what she said to me?

I don't expect her to have a change of heart anyway, I do just want to tell her that as a friend, but I don't want her to mis interpret that, does it seem like an acceptable thing to do or should I move on completely?

(also she confessed she initially did like me a little a month ago and I said that too but we both kinda played hard to get so it got confusing for a few weeks and feelings may have died down...)

thanks for any advice!


I think it's fine but don't overdo it. You could try asking her out again after exams too, maybe she is waiting until after her exams to start dating properly.
Original post by UWS
I think it's fine but don't overdo it. You could try asking her out again after exams too, maybe she is waiting until after her exams to start dating properly.


OP here, thanks for the reply,she is a final year at uni and Im a first year too though and she said before she would be leaving the city after completing her degree, is it still worth it?
Reply 3
As she just wants to be friends the best bet is to focus romantic interest elsewhere.
I think it's okay compilent her, but maybe tell her that you mean it in a friendly way and you don't want to disrespect her boundaries. Talk about it with her!
Original post by crocodile_ears
I think it's okay compilent her, but maybe tell her that you mean it in a friendly way and you don't want to disrespect her boundaries. Talk about it with her!


Thanks I told her in the end and thank god I did, apparently she thought I was angry at her for the 4 days we didn't speak when I was just giving her space

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