The Student Room Group

I am Polyamorous, feel free ask me questions

It is something I wanted to do for a long time, but really felt awkward about it. Lately I was thinking about telling my real life friends about being polyamorous (and sort of bi-sexual), but was sort of afraid of their reactions.... so I am making a pilot here.

What is Polyamory in my point of view?
1. Have you ever wondered if there must be only ONE person who is "THE one" for you? Even if the answer is "yes", what is the chance that your partner is that one?! Assuming your partner is not "THE one" and you still love your partner, there can be more people who you can fall in love with in different stages of your love. Assuming the relationship is good and you meet another person you fit with, why one must make a choice?!
2. Polyamory is not for everyone, and not everyone can be with a polyamorous partner, I acknowledge that. I never claim it is a right choice and everyone should be poly. I just say that it is a right choice for me.
3. Polyamory is not about sex, but about relationship, sex can be a part of it but not the whole purpose of it.

I am sure there will be more questions and it will help me making my point clearer so it'd would be easier for me to come out....

PS
I am 28 (can't believe the number), live with 2 of my partners who are very good friends between themselves too. I live apart from my family, but visit a lot. It is hard to talk to them about it and I want to make things clear an easier. Only a few of my very close friends know about it and of course all my partners know about it, but never made it really public.

I feel very awkward talking about it but feel I must do that.

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Original post by Kathy89
It is something I wanted to do for a long time, but really felt awkward about it. Lately I was thinking about telling my real life friends about being polyamorous (and sort of bi-sexual), but was sort of afraid of their reactions.... so I am making a pilot here.

What is Polyamory in my point of view?
1. Have you ever wondered if there must be only ONE person who is "THE one" for you? Even if the answer is "yes", what is the chance that your partner is that one?! Assuming your partner is not "THE one" and you still love your partner, there can be more people who you can fall in love with in different stages of your love. Assuming the relationship is good and you meet another person you fit with, why one must make a choice?!
2. Polyamory is not for everyone, and not everyone can be with a polyamorous partner, I acknowledge that. I never claim it is a right choice and everyone should be poly. I just say that it is a right choice for me.
3. Polyamory is not about sex, but about relationship, sex can be a part of it but not the whole purpose of it.

I am sure there will be more questions and it will help me making my point clearer so it'd would be easier for me to come out....

PS
I am 28 (can't believe the number), live with 2 of my partners who are very good friends between themselves too. I live apart from my family, but visit a lot. It is hard to talk to them about it and I want to make things clear an easier. Only a few of my very close friends know about it and of course all my partners know about it, but never made it really public.

I feel very awkward talking about it but feel I must do that.


tbh, i think you're better off not telling them because polyamory is very misunderstood and they might start viewing you as some sort of slut. unless they're really good friends who care about you :biggrin:
I have an old friend who now lives a life similar to yours - she and her partners have always seemed happy enough - so I've never had a reason to think anything negatively about it...

Except, and here is your question:

How do you feel about children/babies? Do you think it will be easy/suitable to raise kids in a relationship such as yours?

I ask because my friend does not ever want children - she is very open and honest about this to all her partners, and its just how she wants to live her life. I have always wondered weather polyamourous relationships are stable enough in the long-term to provide propper support for Children? Don't get me wrong, I am sure they can provide loving homes, but so far my only experiance of someone else leading a polyamorous life, has been a happy one, but one that is certainly not as stable/non-changing as a monogmous married couple.

What do you think?
Reply 3
Original post by pjrodarte339
tbh, i think you're better off not telling them because polyamory is very misunderstood and they might start viewing you as some sort of slut. unless they're really good friends who care about you :biggrin:


That is exactly why I make this post so I will be more ready to explain my point of view.
I have a question.
Do polyamory person believe in God?
Reply 5
Original post by fallen_acorns


How do you feel about children/babies? Do you think it will be easy/suitable to raise kids in a relationship such as yours?

What do you think?
I know I am not ready to have kids with any of my partners (yet). To answer your questions I must say it is not any different from any other uncommon couple, like gay/bi or even devoiced families that have kids from second marriage etc... All depends on how you educate your children to see it.
How different it is to a child that mom has other partner in a poly relationship or have married another man who is not the child's dad... the child understands what is taught to understand, it is all about education and the way you treat the child.

I am sure it is something that will be discussed with the partners.
Reply 6
my dad is a poly and has a girlfriend and boyfriend.
they both like each other and his boyfriend also has a girlfriend. it works for them all
im also friends with both of them
but what makes it more interesting is my dads boyfriend is also a transgender who we call mark or alison when she dons her women side (has to be the 'normal' male side for work etc)

Original post by Kathy89
It is something I wanted to do for a long time, but really felt awkward about it. Lately I was thinking about telling my real life friends about being polyamorous (and sort of bi-sexual), but was sort of afraid of their reactions.... so I am making a pilot here.

What is Polyamory in my point of view?
1. Have you ever wondered if there must be only ONE person who is "THE one" for you? Even if the answer is "yes", what is the chance that your partner is that one?! Assuming your partner is not "THE one" and you still love your partner, there can be more people who you can fall in love with in different stages of your love. Assuming the relationship is good and you meet another person you fit with, why one must make a choice?!
2. Polyamory is not for everyone, and not everyone can be with a polyamorous partner, I acknowledge that. I never claim it is a right choice and everyone should be poly. I just say that it is a right choice for me.
3. Polyamory is not about sex, but about relationship, sex can be a part of it but not the whole purpose of it.

I am sure there will be more questions and it will help me making my point clearer so it'd would be easier for me to come out....

PS
I am 28 (can't believe the number), live with 2 of my partners who are very good friends between themselves too. I live apart from my family, but visit a lot. It is hard to talk to them about it and I want to make things clear an easier. Only a few of my very close friends know about it and of course all my partners know about it, but never made it really public.

I feel very awkward talking about it but feel I must do that.
Original post by pjrodarte339
tbh, i think you're better off not telling them because polyamory is very misunderstood and they might start viewing you as some sort of slut. unless they're really good friends who care about you :biggrin:


The definition of slut is a woman who has many casual sexual partners. Someone who is polyamorous is more likely to fall into that category. It’s society that made slut a “dirty” word, but being one is nothing to be ashamed of!
Reply 8
Original post by shawtyb
my dad is a poly and has a girlfriend and boyfriend.
they both like each other and his boyfriend also has a girlfriend. it works for them all
im also friends with both of them
but what makes it more interesting is my dads boyfriend is also a transgender who we call mark or alison when she dons her women side (has to be the 'normal' male side for work etc)



:eek2:

I think you're better off drawing a spider diagram......
Reply 9
Original post by Real Nowhere Man
I have a question.
Do polyamory person believe in God?

I am sort of agnostic. I am sure there are polyamorous who believe in God.
Original post by ANM775
:eek2:

I think you're better off drawing a spider diagram......


it might help lol
Reply 11
Original post by shawtyb
my dad is a poly and has a girlfriend and boyfriend.
they both like each other and his boyfriend also has a girlfriend. it works for them all
im also friends with both of them
but what makes it more interesting is my dads boyfriend is also a transgender who we call mark or alison when she dons her women side (has to be the 'normal' male side for work etc)


wow!!!
it is actually very cool!
was it all your life like that?
Original post by Kathy89
wow!!!
it is actually very cool!
was it all your life like that?


its different lol.
no, he was married before but she died from cancer.
after that, a few years down the line we was watching a film that had a reference to bisexuals in it and i noticed he looked at me, but i didnt understand why at first.
later that day when he was cooking dinner, he said to me "czeska, i need to tell you something and i completely understand if you never want to talk to me again" and he was crying as he said this and then he just came out as bisexual and all i replied with was "and?".
he was so relieved that he made a few calls to people (i assume partners or friends) and told them the good news (that i understood and was ok with it) and then a while later (not the same day) he introduced me to his boyfriend.
he wasnt with his girlfriend at the time but he explained how some friends disowned him when he came out, hence why he was worried about my reaction.

i must have been 17 and younger when he came out
When did you first here about the sexuality Polyamorous? I have never heard it before. Also, at what age did you know that you were definitely Polyamorous?
EDIT: I don't mean to be rude, I am just curious
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 14
I would give a polyamorous relationship a try, but both partners have to be women, no mandem.

..and both women are not allowed to have male partners, only the other woman I am in a relationship with
Reply 15
Original post by shawtyb
its different lol.
no, he was married before but she died from cancer.
after that, a few years down the line we was watching a film that had a reference to bisexuals in it and i noticed he looked at me, but i didnt understand why at first.
later that day when he was cooking dinner, he said to me "czeska, i need to tell you something and i completely understand if you never want to talk to me again" and he was crying as he said this and then he just came out as bisexual and all i replied with was "and?".
he was so relieved that he made a few calls to people (i assume partners or friends) and told them the good news (that i understood and was ok with it) and then a while later (not the same day) he introduced me to his boyfriend.
he wasnt with his girlfriend at the time but he explained how some friends disowned him when he came out, hence why he was worried about my reaction.

i must have been 17 and younger when he came out

actually very interesting. you are very open-minded to such things.
Original post by Kathy89
actually very interesting. you are very open-minded to such things.


the world needs more open minded people.
i myself am bisexual
Wow that's really cool, I've been interested in polyamory for quite a long time~

So firstly, are your partners also in love with eachother, or are they only friends? And if the latter is true, then do you think it is possible to have that sort of "everyone loves everyone" poly relationship?
Also how does one manage to find ppl who understand/accept this? Like how did you get into this relationship? You already had a relationship with one of them and then you fell in love with the other or...?
Reply 18
Original post by pippa2.1
When did you first here about the sexuality Polyamorous? I have never heard it before. Also, at what age did you know that you were definitely Polyamorous?
EDIT: I don't mean to be rude, I am just curious

1. Polyamory is not a sexuality, it's a relationship style (I don't know even how to call it, but it is not a sexuality). I am bisexual (sort of), probably more bi-curious. I do have physical attraction to certain women, but I have to admit I am more attracted to males.
2. After my first break up my mom told me that the guy was not the one for me and I started wondering must there even be a "one" for me. I was sort of depressed and looked at it like "there are about 3.5 bilion men, if there is only ONE person who is right for me the chance to even meet him is so small that there is no reason to look for one, and if there is no reason to look for one why should there be a reason in a relationship at all. Later I understood that any relationship is a compromise. Later I met a girl online who said she is polyamorous (it was another forum), it made me search of it and I just found that it is the right way for me. Not being depressed for not ever finding a one for me and that I must choose between a partner who is my best friend and a boyfriend (even thought of getting married at one point) and another guy we have physical attraction and are good friends with a chance becoming very very good friends if it will be ok with everyone (exactly what happened later).
It is a bit more complicated than that, but that was it.
I was 23-24 when I realized I am poly. Thought about it ever since I was 15-16 (more in a depressed way).
Reply 19
Original post by Kathy89
1. Polyamory is not a sexuality, it's a relationship style (I don't know even how to call it, but it is not a sexuality). I am bisexual (sort of), probably more bi-curious. I do have physical attraction to certain women, but I have to admit I am more attracted to males.
2. After my first break up my mom told me that the guy was not the one for me and I started wondering must there even be a "one" for me. I was sort of depressed and looked at it like "there are about 3.5 bilion men, if there is only ONE person who is right for me the chance to even meet him is so small that there is no reason to look for one, and if there is no reason to look for one why should there be a reason in a relationship at all. Later I understood that any relationship is a compromise. Later I met a girl online who said she is polyamorous (it was another forum), it made me search of it and I just found that it is the right way for me. Not being depressed for not ever finding a one for me and that I must choose between a partner who is my best friend and a boyfriend (even thought of getting married at one point) and another guy we have physical attraction and are good friends with a chance becoming very very good friends if it will be ok with everyone (exactly what happened later).
It is a bit more complicated than that, but that was it.
I was 23-24 when I realized I am poly. Thought about it ever since I was 15-16 (more in a depressed way).





playing devils advocate, isn't "Poly" just another term for Greedy :p: :colonhash:

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