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    This is my paragraph concerning my reasons for applying for deferred entry. I am planning to apply for an Accounting and Finance degree. Please make any suggestions you have to help me improve it.

    'I am currently applying for work placements at several international corporations, with the view to undertake one during my gap year, because I feel that the opportunities presented to me in this year will greatly enrich my understanding of the business world and enhance my personal skills. I believe that it will serve to be a valuable learning and development resource for me, and should lend itself to my degree, as well as increasing my future career prospects.'

    Thanks
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    How about .....

    During my gap year I intend to have a six month work placement in an international corporation. This opportunity will greatly enrich my understanding of the business world and enhance my personal skills, particularly in working as part of a team. It will be a useful practical resource for later reference at University, supporting my acquistion of theoretical knowledge with an awareness of the impact of reality on a business.
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    Cheers,

    That sounds much more studious and professional than mine. I am starting off with easy paragraphs like that and extra-curricular before doing the dreaded opening paragraph.
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    (Original post by Soteman)
    Cheers,

    That sounds much more studious and professional than mine. I am starting off with easy paragraphs like that and extra-curricular before doing the dreaded opening paragraph.
    well when you have got a reasonable draft, don't put it all on here for others to 'lift'. You need to get it reviewed, either by people you know or go on to www.studential.com for a confidential, quite secure review by teachers (like me) or by people who are uni already and have been through the system!
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    (Original post by Geogger)
    well when you have got a reasonable draft, don't put it all on here for others to 'lift'. You need to get it reviewed, either by people you know or go on to www.studential.com for a confidential, quite secure review by teachers (like me) or by people who are uni already and have been through the system!
    I know this isn't really the place but can I just thank you for the great comments and advice you have given on my personal statement. All my friends were saying it was fine but I knew it wasn't! I'm now working on my second draft. Thanks!
 
 
 

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