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Boyfriend kissed another girl whilst on drugs

Basically, I found out off one of my my boyfriend’s ex-mates that my boyf had kissed another girl when ‘spiked’ with drugs such as ket, pills etc. on a night out in town. Me and all my friends, including parents were very shocked as this was very surprising to hear, considering how caring and loving he is to me. My boyfriend didn’t tell me this himself as he ‘didn’t want to hurt me and didn’t think it was true’, so some of his mates told me what happened. I found out it happened about 6 months in to our relationship, and this was around the time of his 18th birthday, so he was new to going out in clubs. I spoke to my boyfriend and he told me he had blacked out completely that night and didn’t remember anything from the night... I also questioned the girl nicely, and she told me a complete different story to what his friends had told me, telling me he was following her around and trying to dance with her, so she told me that she thought if she gave him a kiss that he’d leave her alone... but who would kiss someone if they’re bothering you???? Anyway, she also said to me that he looked out of it and to forgive him because it was a little peck on the lips and nothing more. I decided to give him another chance on the basis that this was a one off, and that there was nothing else he was hiding from me. He told me at this time that he had been told there ‘might’ have been another girl who he had kissed, but wasn’t sure. I decided to leave it and have a fresh start with him... only to be told a year and a half later the full story, in which his mates told me that he had been dancing with his friends in a club, and a group of girls came near them and started dancing, one thing escalated to another and one of the girls apparently lent in for a kiss with my boyfriend, and then his mate supposedly pulled him away and they left. My boyfriend told me that he didn’t even remember if he had kissed her or whether it was a dream (obviously we confirmed it was true by asking his friend), however he told me he had been egged on to do certain drugs that night too. My boyfriend is quite a ‘lightweight’ when it comes to drink and drugs, so I do believe that he didn’t remember/intend for these 2 occasions to happen, however I can’t stop thinking to myself that if he loved me he wouldn’t have put himself in the same situation after the first time?? I just don’t know what to do because I don’t know whether I should let it go or whether I should split up with him as I will never know if they’re the only 2 occasions, as I originally only found out due to his friends telling me ( a year later ). Can I also note that some of his ‘mates’ are quite sly and snakey, so I don’t know whether I believe what they told me or whether they were trying to cover up for my boyfriend, however thankfully he’s not friends with these people anymore. Also note: my boyf has stopped going to clubs without me now so I believe he is as sorry as he tells me he is?! Advice pls??
(edited 6 years ago)

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Break up with him. He isn't worth it if he's not going to be honest about it and if his mates are snakes then it's likely that they're chatting bs about the situation. You deserve someone better than him. If it's meant to be then you'll both find your way to each other. If not then that's that. That's what you call life.
(edited 6 years ago)
Just so I can confirm I understand:

You're saying your boyfriend gets blackout stoned while mixing drugs, makes out with random girls and has slimy friends who would be willing to cover up his activities. Is that about right?
If I'm about right, then this guy sounds like a real winner. You should probably have sex without protection with him because this world needs a bazillion more people like your boyfriend. Go breed with him! He is a champ and a half.
Reply 4
Original post by ILuvFood1234
Break up with him. He isn't worth it if he's not going to be honest about it and if his mates are snakes then it's likely that they're chatting bs about the situation. You deserve someone better than him. If it's meant to be then you'll both find your way to each other. If not then that's that. That's what you call life.


Yeah I know but I edited post as I forgot to say that he is no longer friends with them anymore as he has realised how they’re snakes. One of his true friends told me how he rang him up on various occasions because he was so upset about what he had done and regretted it so much. I just don’t know what to do!!! :frown:
Reply 5
Original post by ThatOldGuy
Just so I can confirm I understand:

You're saying your boyfriend gets blackout stoned while mixing drugs, makes out with random girls and has slimy friends who would be willing to cover up his activities. Is that about right?


He was spiked the first time and the second time apparently they didn’t even kiss... Also he’s no longer friends with these people so I don’t see why they would cover up for him even when they’re no longer friends ?!
Original post by ILuvFood1234
You deserve someone better than him.


lol, what makes you think OP is any better than him?
Original post by Ella.x
Yeah I know but I edited post as I forgot to say that he is no longer friends with them anymore as he has realised how they’re snakes. One of his true friends told me how he rang him up on various occasions because he was so upset about what he had done and regretted it so much. I just don’t know what to do!!! :frown:


Explain the situation to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about everything that's been happening.
Boyfriend kissed another girl whilst on drugs.
That explains everything,now close the discussion.
Original post by Ella.x
He was spiked the first time and the second time apparently they didn’t even kiss... Also he’s no longer friends with these people so I don’t see why they would cover up for him even when they’re no longer friends ?!


You need to lock this guy down, Ella! Marry the dude and squeeze as many kids from him as you can. He probably has never lied to you and sounds like such a good dude that you need to breed with him.

Winner. That is the first thing I thought when I read the description of him.
Reply 10
Original post by ILuvFood1234
Explain the situation to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about everything that's been happening.


I have done on numerous occasions and he just reasssures me that he loves me and never intended for it to happen. I believe that because he has stopped putting himself in the same situation (not going out to clubs without me, and not hanging round with these fake mates) that he is sorry. Thanks for ur advice, I think I will sit him down tonight and talk about things throughly once and for all :smile:
I can assure you that it does happen to the nicest people too. He doesn't seem to be cheating on you when he is sober or anything. Just tell him that it'd be best if he tells you if anything like that happens because honesty is key. And from the way that his friends keep going around telling whatever he does seems like they are either looking out for you (but its not for them to intervene because its your relationship). or they just like him to get into trouble. I think if they were good friends they'd urge him to tell you himself instead of just telling you.
Reply 12
Original post by arizonaidiot
Boyfriend kissed another girl whilst on drugs.
That explains everything,now close the discussion.


I don’t understand what you’re inferring?
And if he stopped going to clubs without you, i guess the answer is pretty clear. He wants things to work out. If you give up on him just because of a mistake he has repeated, you probably do not like him enough. If you love him, just see how it goes because he is trying to make amends. Dont make him think you are a pushover for staying and working it out. make it clear to him that you will leave next time and he cant use the 'i wasnt in my right sense' excuse next time. dump him the second he kisses another girl next time. I say stick around.
Reply 14
Original post by Krebcycle
I can assure you that it does happen to the nicest people too. He doesn't seem to be cheating on you when he is sober or anything. Just tell him that it'd be best if he tells you if anything like that happens because honesty is key. And from the way that his friends keep going around telling whatever he does seems like they are either looking out for you (but its not for them to intervene because its your relationship). or they just like him to get into trouble. I think if they were good friends they'd urge him to tell you himself instead of just telling you.


Yeah exactly. He has never cheated on me over social media etc (I have his passwords if needs be) and I know he didn’t go out to purposely cheat. These things happen all the time and one of the ‘mates’ he was with admitted to spiking my boyfriend’s drink with ecstasy! And yeah I completely agree about what you’re saying about his mates, however he is no longer friends with them anymore as he has realised what snakey people they are
Original post by Ella.x
Yeah exactly. He has never cheated on me over social media etc (I have his passwords if needs be) and I know he didn’t go out to purposely cheat. These things happen all the time and one of the ‘mates’ he was with admitted to spiking my boyfriend’s drink with ecstasy! And yeah I completely agree about what you’re saying about his mates, however he is no longer friends with them anymore as he has realised what snakey people they are


Yeah! He's never cheated on you over social media. Only in real life. The dude is straight up a saint and your relationship is both healthy and wonderful. 10 years from now, he will probably be a manager at a fortune 500 company.
Reply 16
Original post by Krebcycle
And if he stopped going to clubs without you, i guess the answer is pretty clear. He wants things to work out. If you give up on him just because of a mistake he has repeated, you probably do not like him enough. If you love him, just see how it goes because he is trying to make amends. Dont make him think you are a pushover for staying and working it out. make it clear to him that you will leave next time and he cant use the 'i wasnt in my right sense' excuse next time. dump him the second he kisses another girl next time. I say stick around.


Thanks for your response, I do truly believe he loves me.. I will talk to him tonight and keep this post updated :smile:
Original post by Ella.x
I have done on numerous occasions and he just reasssures me that he loves me and never intended for it to happen. I believe that because he has stopped putting himself in the same situation (not going out to clubs without me, and not hanging round with these fake mates) that he is sorry. Thanks for ur advice, I think I will sit him down tonight and talk about things throughly once and for all :smile:


Yes speak to him about it openly, don't leave anything out. If he is making changes etc it means that he is putting the effort into this relationship. But one thing I will say is don't let anyone ever take advantage of your kindness. You should also say that to him straight up that he better not be taking advantage of your kindness, don't beat around the bush about it. Be honest with him because deep down you know you don't want him to take advantage of your kindness.
Reply 18
Original post by ThatOldGuy
Yeah! He's never cheated on you over social media. Only in real life. The dude is straight up a saint and your relationship is both healthy and wonderful. 10 years from now, he will probably be a manager at a fortune 500 company.


You’re really getting boring now😂 If you knew my boyfriend you would understand the predicament I’m currently in
What an absolute car crash of a guy.

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