Girls choice of males

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Lukenorway
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I generally want to know the reasoning behind this, hence why I’m asking. Why do a lot of girls(not all) go for guys that treat them like ****. From observing other people’s relationships and from my own experience, girls tend to fall of guys that have big egos, who are cocky or summed up as “bad boys” In a lot of cases nice guys are typically used when needed, but never wanted in a relationship because they are “too nice” of just not interesting. I find this point to be absolute ********. Lots of “nice guys” are very interesting and complex girls just don’t give them the chance. Maybe they don’t want to act like a complete douche and have a huge ego. I can’t understand the reason why a girl wouldn’t want a guy who treats them well, cares for them and is nice to them etc over a guy with a huge ego, thinks he’s the **** and acts like he doesn’t give a **** shut anything. Women in general go on about feminism and being treated unequally when it’s completely untrue. It’s shifted to women having control in choosing a partner and nice good guys being kept as a friend to use when necessary. Furthermore, although I’m making another generalisation here, lots of girls seem to have a “superiority complex” about them. What I mean by this is that they feel like they have power when it comes to relationships, they want all their emotional needs met and go about as if they’re special etc( this is especially true of popular girls). Honestly females have to realise that there are inequalities in both sexes. You never hear feminists mention how females are more likely to be accepted into unis as unis want to be seen as progressive, how women are much more likely now to get into stem based subjects due to the blatantly sexist programmes for girls that go around schools. Nobody mentions how the wage gap is much more complex than it seems, failing to mention how it doesn’t take into account the hours worked and the decisions women take when it comes to looking after children. I know my original point has turned into a rant about equality but the two do link. Women need to stop playing the victim card, particularly in western society.
I would also like to mention(to prevent excessive triggering) that I realise they’re are girls who go for nice guys and I am making huge generalisations in what I’m saying. However generalisations do have some validity to them and from my experience and observing other people’s experiences it seems like nice guys have a hard time. Be treated like **** by a guy that has a hug ego or be with a nice guy who doesn’t think he’s the ****? Hmmmmmmmmm I wonder
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monkeyman0121
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Most nice guys would not ask a girl out or would hesitate to. This is the real mistake. Also if they are being nice just to get someone to like them then that is why it is not working. People like to go out with people who are their true selves if that makes you an arse then so be it. Faking being nice to get in someones good books is not going to help. (Basically fake love.)
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Texxers
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I actually disagree. I have to admit I am one of those cocky alphas and I can confirm this is a myth.
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faloodeh
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tldr
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UWS
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Because everyone should be nice to people at a bare minimum. You being nice doesn't mean a girl has to choose you over another, more confident guy (which really is the main factor here).

Girls don't owe you anything for being nice to them.
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Lukenorway
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(Original post by UWS)
Because everyone should be nice to people at a bare minimum. You being nice doesn't mean a girl has to choose you over another, more confident guy (which really is the main factor here).

Girls don't owe you anything for being nice to them.
You’re missing entirely the point I making and providing an answer to a completely different question. I’m not arguing girls should automatically go for nice guys. I’m stating that they often go for guys who have big egos and treat them like ****
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UWS
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(Original post by Lukenorway)
You’re missing entirely the point I making and providing an answer to a completely different question. I’m not arguing girls should automatically go for nice guys. I’m stating that they often go for guys who have big egos and treat them like ****
To which I said it's not just about being nice but having confidence too. Girls go for confident guys, it just so happens that the guys who have confidence are cocky/arrogant.

Your post just seems to be venting about how a nice guy has it hard which is ridiculous. Nice guys with confidence get girls, nice guys who solely rely on their niceness do not.
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Hirsty97
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Paragraphs. I see none. Ergo, I don't read.

Girls go for guys with large penile organs and resources

High T = large penile organ and confidence

High IQ = large resources

High IQ & T = Sex-God slayer; Eros.
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username1339858_
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Paragraphs
Tl;dr
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AnnieGakusei
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(Original post by Lukenorway)
I generally want to know the reasoning behind this, hence why I’m asking. Why do a lot of girls(not all) go for guys that treat them like ****. From observing other people’s relationships and from my own experience, girls tend to fall of guys that have big egos, who are cocky or summed up as “bad boys” In a lot of cases nice guys are typically used when needed, but never wanted in a relationship because they are “too nice” of just not interesting. I find this point to be absolute ********. Lots of “nice guys” are very interesting and complex girls just don’t give them the chance. Maybe they don’t want to act like a complete douche and have a huge ego. I can’t understand the reason why a girl wouldn’t want a guy who treats them well, cares for them and is nice to them etc over a guy with a huge ego, thinks he’s the **** and acts like he doesn’t give a **** shut anything. Women in general go on about feminism and being treated unequally when it’s completely untrue. It’s shifted to women having control in choosing a partner and nice good guys being kept as a friend to use when necessary. Furthermore, although I’m making another generalisation here, lots of girls seem to have a “superiority complex” about them. What I mean by this is that they feel like they have power when it comes to relationships, they want all their emotional needs met and go about as if they’re special etc( this is especially true of popular girls). Honestly females have to realise that there are inequalities in both sexes. You never hear feminists mention how females are more likely to be accepted into unis as unis want to be seen as progressive, how women are much more likely now to get into stem based subjects due to the blatantly sexist programmes for girls that go around schools. Nobody mentions how the wage gap is much more complex than it seems, failing to mention how it doesn’t take into account the hours worked and the decisions women take when it comes to looking after children. I know my original point has turned into a rant about equality but the two do link. Women need to stop playing the victim card, particularly in western society.
I would also like to mention(to prevent excessive triggering) that I realise they’re are girls who go for nice guys and I am making huge generalisations in what I’m saying. However generalisations do have some validity to them and from my experience and observing other people’s experiences it seems like nice guys have a hard time. Be treated like **** by a guy that has a hug ego or be with a nice guy who doesn’t think he’s the ****? Hmmmmmmmmm I wonder
This kind of reads like bitterness...

The biggest turn off for a lot of girls is actually entitlement. The people that girls see calling themselves "nice guys" are generally angry and bitter due to that sense of entitlement. They put down other guys, and take their anger out on women for refusing to date them. In a lot of cases, that anger stems from entitlement, "he's got a girl, so why haven't I? How dare she choose someone else over me?" and so on. It's why unwanted sexual attention is such a major thing; some people feel entitled, so won't take no for an answer.

This does apply to girls as well (obligatory "not just guys" statement required here before someone leaps down my throat), but in an online context, it seems to be a predominantly male behaviour. r/incels has become a meme that's mocked by both sexes. I haven't seen a female equivalent.

Lots of "nice guys" are very interesting... It's not about "bad boys" and "nice guys". Different people have different preferences of what they want to see in a partner.

Nice good guys being kept as a friend... This is such an unhealthy mindset. Friendship in and of itself is valuable. What is so wrong with being friends with a woman without ulterior motives to **** her the moment you get a chance? If the nice guy really can't handle being friends, he either needs to tell her how she feels or just stop hanging around with her, rather than complaining about it. The stereotype that women can somehow read minds is ********. Heck, I didn't pick up on the signals to realise someone was flirting with me for months. If you want something that badly you need to be brave and be upfront.

General feminism stuff... I agree with some of this. I know of some people who subscribe to this and are... not self-centred exactly, but looking out for only one subset of the population. This being said, there are still power imbalances in some relationships which can still be divided along gender lines (not always gender, sometimes financial power and so on, but gender can be a factor) and things like lad culture are pretty bad for both genders.

Nice guys have a hard time. There's no such thing as a "nice guy". People are so much more nuanced than that. You can have seemingly nice guys who are utter ****s the moment they don't get their own way. You can have guys who seem to treat their girlfriends badly, but who have qualities their girlfriends find redeeming. Shallow people will generally go for appearances; the vast majority of the population will go for people who have something interesting about them, or people they have something in common with.

And to be honest, when "nice guys" go off on petulant rants about the subject, it just shows their true colours. They aren't actually nice guys. They're putting on a show in the hopes they'll be able to get their end away. If they were truly nice guys, they would be happy to be friends with girls without expecting sex in return. They wouldn't complain endlessly about the "friendzone" as if they're entitled to have their feelings reciprocated. They would be nice for the sake of being sweet and lovely people, and to be honest, there are plenty of girls out there who want genuinely sweet and lovely people. But we're used to dealing with whiny, petulant guys who say they're nice, and we can sniff one out a mile away.

If someone I was interested in started complaining about "nobody likes me because I'm a nice guy", that, I'm afraid, would be a pretty major red flag.
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Lukenorway
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(Original post by AnnieGakusei)
This kind of reads like bitterness...

The biggest turn off for a lot of girls is actually entitlement. The people that girls see calling themselves "nice guys" are generally angry and bitter due to that sense of entitlement. They put down other guys, and take their anger out on women for refusing to date them. In a lot of cases, that anger stems from entitlement, "he's got a girl, so why haven't I? How dare she choose someone else over me?" and so on. It's why unwanted sexual attention is such a major thing; some people feel entitled, so won't take no for an answer.

This does apply to girls as well (obligatory "not just guys" statement required here before someone leaps down my throat), but in an online context, it seems to be a predominantly male behaviour. r/incels has become a meme that's mocked by both sexes. I haven't seen a female equivalent.

Lots of "nice guys" are very interesting... It's not about "bad boys" and "nice guys". Different people have different preferences of what they want to see in a partner.

Nice good guys being kept as a friend... This is such an unhealthy mindset. Friendship in and of itself is valuable. What is so wrong with being friends with a woman without ulterior motives to **** her the moment you get a chance? If the nice guy really can't handle being friends, he either needs to tell her how she feels or just stop hanging around with her, rather than complaining about it. The stereotype that women can somehow read minds is ********. Heck, I didn't pick up on the signals to realise someone was flirting with me for months. If you want something that badly you need to be brave and be upfront.

General feminism stuff... I agree with some of this. I know of some people who subscribe to this and are... not self-centred exactly, but looking out for only one subset of the population. This being said, there are still power imbalances in some relationships which can still be divided along gender lines (not always gender, sometimes financial power and so on, but gender can be a factor) and things like lad culture are pretty bad for both genders.

Nice guys have a hard time. There's no such thing as a "nice guy". People are so much more nuanced than that. You can have seemingly nice guys who are utter ****s the moment they don't get their own way. You can have guys who seem to treat their girlfriends badly, but who have qualities their girlfriends find redeeming. Shallow people will generally go for appearances; the vast majority of the population will go for people who have something interesting about them, or people they have something in common with.

And to be honest, when "nice guys" go off on petulant rants about the subject, it just shows their true colours. They aren't actually nice guys. They're putting on a show in the hopes they'll be able to get their end away. If they were truly nice guys, they would be happy to be friends with girls without expecting sex in return. They wouldn't complain endlessly about the "friendzone" as if they're entitled to have their feelings reciprocated. They would be nice for the sake of being sweet and lovely people, and to be honest, there are plenty of girls out there who want genuinely sweet and lovely people. But we're used to dealing with whiny, petulant guys who say they're nice, and we can sniff one out a mile away.

If someone I was interested in started complaining about "nobody likes me because I'm a nice guy", that, I'm afraid, would be a pretty major red flag.
I see some credit to some of the things you’ve brought up but again you are taking what I’m saying and fitting it to your own question. When once did I mention nice guys expecting sex or anything? That’s a completely different issue. Also when did I once mention that because you’re nice you are entitled to be a girls choice. I merely stated that girls often choose partners that treat them badly and are very very arrogant. Also just because someone voices their opinion about something doesn’t mean they are unnice and hurt personally. You are misjudging what I’m saying to fit your own question as did the other person in this thread
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username1339858_
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(Original post by dertyujh)
I'm surprise you can even read at all you failed street clown.
I cannot read your username, angel.
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gomgossa
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Firstly, there is a difference between nice guys and Nice Guys™ (you seem to be the latter, and too salty at that).

Girls like to flirt with confident guys- it's just fun. They wouldn't do the same with shy, really nice guys as it's not the same and the same reaction wouldn't come from it- these are the people you want to have good conversations with instead. Personally, I find the former to be quite dull after a while and would never like a cocky/arrogant person, whereas nicer people tend to be much more interesting and respectful. However, I think you have a lot of prejudice towards confident guys; often they can appear to be cocky but are actually lovely people inside, which is what many girls fawn over as opposed to somebody obviously nice (I'm the opposite but).

Sorry, but to suggest that girls would want someone who treats them badly is ridiculous. Yes, some people have insecurity and are more vulnerable to abusive relationships, but each person is complex and what they want in a relationship may also be very complex- many girls happen to fall in love with the confident, cocky type just because they obviously show interest in her. And that's fine, and a pretty obvious/common reason. Confidence can also be attractive in itself. It can be about reputation, too.

In summary, each person and their partner are complex individuals. It's never as simple as 'oh I like him because he's arrogant'; the correlation lies elsewhere. I think it's very important to consider that a girl often thinks she can change someone she's with and make them into a better person, or that they are hiding something wonderful about themselves below a cold and arrogant exterior- this is the main reason you see more egotistical men with girlfriends, I suppose (but it probably wouldn't last as long as a relationship between two lovely people with lots in common). I think that, in the end, people who treat others with respect and kindness will always win over people who have their heads stuck up their own ****- it's just common sense.

And please calm down with your rant about feminism and claiming girls have a superiority complex lol- maybe you should start seeing people as individuals rather than their gender?
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Anonymous #1
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FIRSTLY sort it out mate - wheres the paragraphs
Secondly, im a girl - we dont all date these egotistical badbois as you say, most of us think its pretty stupid how they act so why would you wanna date someone like thathowever for the girls that do actually date them i think that its because maybe the girls dont have the best self image so maybe think by dating someone like that is just at their standard ....that could be a thing ORthat these cocky lads although maybe be very knob-like at times they could actually be really nice boyfriends (and just being nice to a girl doesnt mean they should have to date you)+ this "superiority complex" thing no just no - a girl or a boy can do that ?!
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username1339858_
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(Original post by dertyujh)
Down in a sewer where you belong stinky- stay there.
Also I will remain where I like, I won't be taking any advice of tsrs resident street clown.
Had to get away from your...smell
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Anonymous #2
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In all due respect, everyone is a right ass sometimes. Confident guys, shy guys, confident girls and shy girls. The statement you are making is a hypocritical one. Yes, some confident guys can be *******s but YES, shy guys can also be *******s. There really isn't a 'majority and besides, if some chick decides to love that guy full of testosterone then let her. It isn't your choice who she is with and nor is it your place to judge (only if and when there are signs of abuse do you step in) so first tell her she is making a mistake and if she doesn't listen, you move on because you do not control her nor do you make her decisions. If she comes out moaning and groaning then you can figure out 'what next?' either you sympathise or you ignore it.
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username1339858_
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(Original post by dertyujh)
Honestly continue down this path and there will be a thread made about you.
Rn, you're the only one talking to me. You right, ill, tired, just want home, crying, a mess.
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username1921011
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(Original post by Lukenorway)
I generally want to know the reasoning behind this, hence why I’m asking. Why do a lot of girls(not all) go for guys that treat them like ****. From observing other people’s relationships and from my own experience, girls tend to fall of guys that have big egos, who are cocky or summed up as “bad boys” In a lot of cases nice guys are typically used when needed, but never wanted in a relationship because they are “too nice” of just not interesting. I find this point to be absolute ********. Lots of “nice guys” are very interesting and complex girls just don’t give them the chance. Maybe they don’t want to act like a complete douche and have a huge ego. I can’t understand the reason why a girl wouldn’t want a guy who treats them well, cares for them and is nice to them etc over a guy with a huge ego, thinks he’s the **** and acts like he doesn’t give a **** shut anything. Women in general go on about feminism and being treated unequally when it’s completely untrue. It’s shifted to women having control in choosing a partner and nice good guys being kept as a friend to use when necessary. Furthermore, although I’m making another generalisation here, lots of girls seem to have a “superiority complex” about them. What I mean by this is that they feel like they have power when it comes to relationships, they want all their emotional needs met and go about as if they’re special etc( this is especially true of popular girls). Honestly females have to realise that there are inequalities in both sexes. You never hear feminists mention how females are more likely to be accepted into unis as unis want to be seen as progressive, how women are much more likely now to get into stem based subjects due to the blatantly sexist programmes for girls that go around schools. Nobody mentions how the wage gap is much more complex than it seems, failing to mention how it doesn’t take into account the hours worked and the decisions women take when it comes to looking after children. I know my original point has turned into a rant about equality but the two do link. Women need to stop playing the victim card, particularly in western society.
I would also like to mention(to prevent excessive triggering) that I realise they’re are girls who go for nice guys and I am making huge generalisations in what I’m saying. However generalisations do have some validity to them and from my experience and observing other people’s experiences it seems like nice guys have a hard time. Be treated like **** by a guy that has a hug ego or be with a nice guy who doesn’t think he’s the ****? Hmmmmmmmmm I wonder
Self confidence and ego doesn't mean you treat girls like ****, nor does it mean you aren't a 'nice guy'. The problem anecdotally is that 'nice guys' think being nice is a personality trait. It isn't. If you rely on 'nice' as defining you then you're boring - did you ever have respect for the kid in school who said nothing but always gave you maltesers or whatever? He was part of the group and you stood up for him against others but you would always describe him as 'the kid who always buys me food' rather than how people with actual personality are described ie 'he's so funny' 'he just doesnt have boundaries' 'he's so generous' etc. Point is nice influences your personality it doesn't form it, and it's equally important to have other traits and interests/hobbies/etc.

It's also harder for women to talk to shy blokes. If they're not confident then half the things girls say will rattle them and leave them standing there going 'uhm, errrr,' which kills the conversation and that's assuming they actually got the courage to start talking to her (as men are expected more so than women to approach first) - it's as much the case nice guys don't seem to have girlfriends because they don't talk to girls as it is the girls themselves playing a part. If you don't ask you don't get and nice guys tend not to ask. How many friends did you make with people who never talked?

This all comes across as frustrated - there's no magic formula to getting girls and it certainly isn't giving zero ****s. Those are the blokes who girls get with, fight with, and break up with in a month. Not a healthy relationship. Conversely however the 'nice guy' group should remember that if you put people (in this case women) on a pedestal then they're forced to look down on you. Emotionally dependent, clingy and desperate to impress is unattractive regardless of genders involved - that friend who has a breakdown and complains hysterically every time you see them is the friend you spend less time with. There's nice, and then there's being a total doormat and if you don't respect yourself how can you expect anyone else to?
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Texxers
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(Original post by VirgoStrain)
Little surprise there - brought to you by the creator of “why are people not homophobic?”
Lmao I didn't know the TSR population would react to hostile to that post... And I also didn't think people would be still commenting on it more than half a month later!
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Anonymous #3
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Honestly it is probably down to people being boring. Why would a girl want to go out with someone that has little to offer other than repetition of the phase "but i'm a good guy...". Also surely the thought that they should want to go out with you because you're a good guy is pretty pathetic. I personal don't think I'm a good guy. I'm just average.

I think you're confusing ego with a sense of humour. I have a huge ego but only my friends really see it. (38/40 on the first a level physics test most people barely scraped 25.) Those people you think have a ego just have a good sense of humour and that is probably why they get girlfriends. Because girls like people that can make them laugh.
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