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    I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago and today is his birthday. There were various reasons why I chose to end it; he was emotionally unstable and it was dragging me down terribly, he was incredibly jealous and insecure so I felt a lot of stress in the relationship to keep reassuring him and look after him - it was just emotionally exhausting and wasn't making me happy! He is a lovely person so I said I would love to remain friends but I just don't think we should be together like that - he was v upset but he agreed he wanted to stay friends.

    We've been talking kind of normally for the past few days but today I wished him a happy birthday and he just completely ignored it. He replied enthusiastically to my best friend, even replied to my mum! Am I being selfish and simply expecting too much? It hurts because I genuinely do care about him and just wanted to wish him since we'd been together a good amount of time. ughhhh
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    You broke up with him, he's hardly going to talk to you in the same way as when you were together.

    It was your choice to break up with him. If you were still unhappy after talking to him several times then breaking up was for the best.
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    Because you broke up with him, here is what he owes you:

    Nothing.

    No explanations - Maybe he doesn't know how he feels. No need to keep you around - Maybe it hurts too much. No further relationship or anything. He is allowed to date the very next person he sees if he wants to and he doesn't have to wait.

    When you break up with someone, you get no say and can have no expectations about their behavior.
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    You need to give both of you space and time. You can't just become friends. It will hurt.
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    (Original post by ThatOldGuy)
    Because you broke up with him, here is what he owes you:

    Nothing.

    No explanations - Maybe he doesn't know how he feels. No need to keep you around - Maybe it hurts too much. No further relationship or anything. He is allowed to date the very next person he sees if he wants to and he doesn't have to wait.

    When you break up with someone, you get no say and can have no expectations about their behavior.
    I know I know and I completely respect that - I don't expect anything from him. I just mean it kind of hurt because we legit spoke last night (obviously not the way we used to, but we spoke about his upcoming driving lessons etc) so idk, it just seemed odd. But yeah, I can't really complain
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    Not a bad person. You stayed with him through what seems rough times, and that's more than most can do. If you weren't happy, it was right to break up. Even though it's going to be tough, just let things settle for a bit. I'm sure he wont be jumping for every text message, but over time it will heal. As people have said, you don't owe him anything, but also he doesn't owe you anything, including immediate friendship. Going from romantic to friendship is difficult because there's so many different emotions being tossed around. Give it time, he'll come to you when he's ready.
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    of course you’re not a bad person but he’s definitely hurting and him not replying is his way of saying “look how hurt I am because of you” - he’s trying to make you feel bad bc he wants you to feel as upset as he is (or that’s what it comes across as).
    Just give it time, breakups are always messy at the start!
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    (Original post by humbert-humbert)
    I know I know and I completely respect that - I don't expect anything from him. I just mean it kind of hurt because we legit spoke last night (obviously not the way we used to, but we spoke about his upcoming driving lessons etc) so idk, it just seemed odd. But yeah, I can't really complain
    Look on the bright side: You're not a bad person. An awful lot of breakups happen around holidays, birthdays and the like. It gets people thinking about what they want from the other person and if the other person is holding up to their end of the deal. Did you really want a jealous, crazy guy around for the next year?

    I do think he's doing the right thing, though. He's the jealous type. Continuing to hang out with you would have made him a bad, bad person internally.
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    Sounds like you did what was best.
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    yes
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    Like most people on the planet, you enter into a "relationship" to get as much self-satisfaction as possible. When your plan fails you blame the other person for your lack of satisfaction and move on to the next one. The trail of misery you leave will overtake you.


    PS Great timing by the way. Just before his birthday. Guaranteed to inflict major emotional pain.
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    you cannot go from being lovers to best mates overnight. give the young gentleman some space to get used to his new status. in six months or so you can begin to enjoy each other's company as friends.
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    hi how r u? r u single?? u r sex mmmmm :hitit:
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    You're not a bad person, OP. Quite the opposite, in fact. You've supported him for so long and you're still worrying about him, even though you're no longer a couple. I think his mood is probably all over the place just now, so I wouldn't give his lack of a reply any more thought.

    If, at some point, he does get in touch and wants to remain on friendly terms, please don't let yourself be dragged back into the situation you just got yourself out of. I guess I must sound harsh, but he really must find other ways to manage how he feels and not just use you as a never ending prop. I imagine that, no matter how much reassurance you gave, it never convinced him or cheered him up or made him feel better? He needs to start believing in himself and that can only come from within.
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    (Original post by humbert-humbert)
    I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago and today is his birthday. There were various reasons why I chose to end it; he was emotionally unstable and it was dragging me down terribly, he was incredibly jealous and insecure so I felt a lot of stress in the relationship to keep reassuring him and look after him - it was just emotionally exhausting and wasn't making me happy! He is a lovely person so I said I would love to remain friends but I just don't think we should be together like that - he was v upset but he agreed he wanted to stay friends.

    We've been talking kind of normally for the past few days but today I wished him a happy birthday and he just completely ignored it. He replied enthusiastically to my best friend, even replied to my mum! Am I being selfish and simply expecting too much? It hurts because I genuinely do care about him and just wanted to wish him since we'd been together a good amount of time. ughhhh
    Ok you are not a bad person but if you are moaning because he is ignoring you then you have no right, he will be hurt because of the break up you can't always expect him to talk to you I would be the same, fair enough you were being dragged down I understand that but you can't just automatically think he will be fine talking to you.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Ok you are not a bad person but if you are moaning because he is ignoring you then you have no right, he will be hurt because of the break up you can't always expect him to talk to you I would be the same, fair enough you were being dragged down I understand that but you can't just automatically think he will be fine talking to you.
    Yeah sorry I came across as moaning, I totally understand and sympathise with how it feels but it's my first break up so I just wasn't sure how it was gonna be afterwards. Anyway turns out he did reply a bit later so yeah
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're not a bad person, OP. Quite the opposite, in fact. You've supported him for so long and you're still worrying about him, even though you're no longer a couple. I think his mood is probably all over the place just now, so I wouldn't give his lack of a reply any more thought.

    If, at some point, he does get in touch and wants to remain on friendly terms, please don't let yourself be dragged back into the situation you just got yourself out of. I guess I must sound harsh, but he really must find other ways to manage how he feels and not just use you as a never ending prop. I imagine that, no matter how much reassurance you gave, it never convinced him or cheered him up or made him feel better? He needs to start believing in himself and that can only come from within.
    thankyou so much, really needed to hear this! Yeah, he was incredibly stubborn about it and as much as I wanted to help, I lost enjoyement in the relationship and stuff. I'm really hoping it'll all be okay for him eventually.
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    (Original post by Huw M Thomas)
    Like most people on the planet, you enter into a "relationship" to get as much self-satisfaction as possible. When your plan fails you blame the other person for your lack of satisfaction and move on to the next one. The trail of misery you leave will overtake you.


    PS Great timing by the way. Just before his birthday. Guaranteed to inflict major emotional pain.
    I don't blame him; he was a lovely companion during one of his 'good moods', but his jealous nature was verging on controlling/possessive and as much as I cared about him, I couldn't stay in such a relationship.

    As for the birthday thing, I was originally planning to wait and tell him afterwards, but he kept saying things randomly like "promise you won't leave me" and I just couldn't keep pretending/being dishonest. I hate being fake with people, so I just told him. I feel awful for inflicting that pain on him during this time but I'd rather do that than blatantly lie.
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    Maybe he has moved on?
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    anyways, an update here - he did reply afterwards, and pretty enthusiastically ngl. I guess I was panicking unreasonably. thanks for everybody's responses though
 
 
 
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