Seeing People as Closer Friends than they see you?

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The Monk
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At Uni I don`t really have any friends except for a group of girls who were my flatmates in first year. I currently live on my own in a studio and don`t have much of a social life tbh. One of the girls in particular occasionally invites me out with them or round their house to do something but I`m struggling to really determine the relationship. To me they are my only and best friends as my social life is basically dependent on her inviting me but in reality I`ve seen them three times this year so far and whilst I love hanging out with them I wish they viewed me as a closer friend than I see them.

As they are my only real social life I sometimes miss the fact that in between the 3 times I`ve been invited out with them they are having a pretty good social life with other friends and doing plenty of stuff without me. I`m not sure if they are fully aware of my social situation but sometimes I worry they are only inviting me as they feel sorry for me but I wish that I was closer to their group than just an occasional acquaintance which is probably how they see me. I don`t know what to do really, I don`t know whether to tell them they are my only friends or whether that might come across as a bit depressing and desperate. I just don`t know how to interpret it, they invite me round for a sunday roast and have been clubbing with them and when they invite me it obviously from my perspective feels like they see me as a close friend and are thinking of me but I don`t know the extent really that`s true?
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Kvothe the Arcane
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(Original post by The Monk)
At Uni I don`t really have any friends except for a group of girls who were my flatmates in first year. I currently live on my own in a studio and don`t have much of a social life tbh. One of the girls in particular occasionally invites me out with them or round their house to do something but I`m struggling to really determine the relationship. To me they are my only and best friends as my social life is basically dependent on her inviting me but in reality I`ve seen them three times this year so far and whilst I love hanging out with them I wish they viewed me as a closer friend than I see them.

As they are my only real social life I sometimes miss the fact that in between the 3 times I`ve been invited out with them they are having a pretty good social life with other friends and doing plenty of stuff without me. I`m not sure if they are fully aware of my social situation but sometimes I worry they are only inviting me as they feel sorry for me but I wish that I was closer to their group than just an occasional acquaintance which is probably how they see me. I don`t know what to do really, I don`t know whether to tell them they are my only friends or whether that might come across as a bit depressing and desperate. I just don`t know how to interpret it, they invite me round for a sunday roast and have been clubbing with them and when they invite me it obviously from my perspective feels like they see me as a close friend and are thinking of me but I don`t know the extent really that`s true?
Who you do things with more frequently isn't necessarily indicative of level of friendship or closeness. I have a friend, for example, who I only get to see a few times a year who's a lot closer than someone I see at University every 1-3 times a week. You could bring it up but you're right, it is risky.

Have you considered branching out? It's good to have options.
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The Monk
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(Original post by Kvothe the Arcane)
Who you do things with more frequently isn't necessarily indicative of level of friendship or closeness. I have a friend, for example, who I only get to see a few times a year who's a lot closer than someone I see at University every 1-3 times a week. You could bring it up but you're right, it is risky.

Have you considered branching out? It's good to have options.
I've joined societies but struggled to really make friends there or on my course and I'm in the last year now so have missed the boat really with uni ending soon. It's kind of sad but they are probably the only friends I've had that I felt like I could be myself around, even my friends at home I've often felt like I need to force conversations and "banter" with them as they basically converse through insults and it's exhausting. I'm kind of worried as I'll probably never see these people again once uni ends. I just don't know how to become more involved with them without seeming like I'm annoying or coming across a bit desperate.
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Matticus C
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(Original post by The Monk)
At Uni I don`t really have any friends except for a group of girls who were my flatmates in first year. I currently live on my own in a studio and don`t have much of a social life tbh. One of the girls in particular occasionally invites me out with them or round their house to do something but I`m struggling to really determine the relationship. To me they are my only and best friends as my social life is basically dependent on her inviting me but in reality I`ve seen them three times this year so far and whilst I love hanging out with them I wish they viewed me as a closer friend than I see them.

As they are my only real social life I sometimes miss the fact that in between the 3 times I`ve been invited out with them they are having a pretty good social life with other friends and doing plenty of stuff without me. I`m not sure if they are fully aware of my social situation but sometimes I worry they are only inviting me as they feel sorry for me but I wish that I was closer to their group than just an occasional acquaintance which is probably how they see me. I don`t know what to do really, I don`t know whether to tell them they are my only friends or whether that might come across as a bit depressing and desperate. I just don`t know how to interpret it, they invite me round for a sunday roast and have been clubbing with them and when they invite me it obviously from my perspective feels like they see me as a close friend and are thinking of me but I don`t know the extent really that`s true?

Hey pal,

I know exactly how you feel.

I went through uni making "friends" and had loads of people to chat to. I studied in London. It's funny how you can feel so ALONE in such a busy city.

Some people won't cross puddles for you even though you'd cross the INDIAN ocean for them.

I actually made a video on this topic on my youtube channel. It's really difficult to summarise it all into one paragraph, so I hope it helps you out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM_-PkreJ3E&t=3s

The only real advice I can give, is just focus on yourself. Be who you were mean't to be. Do the things that make you happy! And REAL friends. REAL people will find you!

Good luck pal
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ThePricklyOne
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(Original post by The Monk)
At Uni I don`t really have any friends except for a group of girls who were my flatmates in first year. I currently live on my own in a studio and don`t have much of a social life tbh. One of the girls in particular occasionally invites me out with them or round their house to do something but I`m struggling to really determine the relationship. To me they are my only and best friends as my social life is basically dependent on her inviting me but in reality I`ve seen them three times this year so far and whilst I love hanging out with them I wish they viewed me as a closer friend than I see them.

As they are my only real social life I sometimes miss the fact that in between the 3 times I`ve been invited out with them they are having a pretty good social life with other friends and doing plenty of stuff without me. I`m not sure if they are fully aware of my social situation but sometimes I worry they are only inviting me as they feel sorry for me but I wish that I was closer to their group than just an occasional acquaintance which is probably how they see me. I don`t know what to do really, I don`t know whether to tell them they are my only friends or whether that might come across as a bit depressing and desperate. I just don`t know how to interpret it, they invite me round for a sunday roast and have been clubbing with them and when they invite me it obviously from my perspective feels like they see me as a close friend and are thinking of me but I don`t know the extent really that`s true?
True friendships is a 2 way street - both sides need to work to maintain and deepen the relationship. Your post mention that they've made an effort to include in some things, but what have you done for them?

Why don't you invite them to your place or to do something?
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The Monk
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(Original post by ThePricklyOne)
True friendships is a 2 way street - both sides need to work to maintain and deepen the relationship. Your post mention that they've made an effort to include in some things, but what have you done for them?

Why don't you invite them to your place or to do something?
Tbh I'd love to invite them to stuff but I literally don't do anything, I live in a studio on my own whereas they all live in a house so I'd feel kind of awkward inviting them back here. In terms of going out places, I'd quite like to do more stuff and initiate contact but it feels different as one person asking a group of five rather than a group of five asking one person to join them if that makes sense.
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