The Student Room Group

Worried he wil leave me

So my boyfriend before said he doesn’t want a layabout girl and want a girl that’s going to be successful and I’m going to be fired from my apprentice as I never go in simply because I cannot deal with my own social anxiety’s and depression I’m self harming emotionally drain lost all self confidence etc
So I’m worried to tell him in case he leaves me
Reply 1
Have you talked to him about your anxiety, depression and self harming? If not i can understand how he could be frustrated if he just sees you doing nothing all day. Talk to him about your problems...if he is a decent boyfriend he should listen and try to help you instead of pushing you to do things you struggle with. Keeping secrets does not make for a healthy relationship :frown:

I know you're worried he might leave you..but honestly after you tell him what you're going through and he actually does..good riddance... that's not someone you should want to be with anyway.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Froppy
Have you talked to him about your anxiety, depressing and self harming? If not i can understand how he could be frustrated if he just sees you doing nothing all day. Talk to him about your problems...if he is a decent boyfriend he should listen and try to help you instead of pushing you to do things you struggle with. Keeping secrets does not make for a healthy relationship :frown:


I’m just lost on what to do bevause I love him so much and know what will happen is he leaves me I’ll go so down hill like I just know it so I don’t know if I should just get out the relationship now myself or see what happens
I think you need to think about yourself first, rather than your boyfriend. It worries me when you say you are feeling depression and have started to self harm. You need to address this, and seek help.

I think you should also be honest with your boyfriend when you are ready. Keeping your issues a secret from him may cause problems for your relationship, and if he loves you, he will genuinely want to be there for you and see you get better. Don't be scared.
I have depression and I’m very open about it now, it’s usually one of the first things I say to someone as it’s what keeps the conversation going and it kinda allows me to open up. Everyone I’ve said it to are very understanding and understand why I do certain things that are unusual, they normally help me a lot and encourage me. I think you should do the same, if your boyfriend doesn’t take it well then dump him, he’s not worthy of you if he doesn’t understand. I stayed up until 6 to help a fellow depressed friend feel better and they’re so grateful for it because no one had done it before, so in a way it might actually draw people not just your boyfriend in closer because they find it interesting
Original post by cheesecakelove
I think you need to think about yourself first, rather than your boyfriend. It worries me when you say you are feeling depression and have started to self harm. You need to address this, and seek help.

I think you should also be honest with your boyfriend when you are ready. Keeping your issues a secret from him may cause problems for your relationship, and if he loves you, he will genuinely want to be there for you and see you get better. Don't be scared.


I have spoken to as many people as I Can I personally find it so hard to open up about my mental health and self harm depression etc as fear of people will think I’m lying
And about he boyfrind situation I know I should put myself by he is all I have atm all I talk to everyday day in day out I’m not sure where I’ll be if he leaves me
Original post by Foreverconfu
I have spoken to as many people as I Can I personally find it so hard to open up about my mental health and self harm depression etc as fear of people will think I’m lying
And about he boyfrind situation I know I should put myself by he is all I have atm all I talk to everyday day in day out I’m not sure where I’ll be if he leaves me


Do you have friends or family you can talk to? I get that is must be hard to talk, but it is the first step. People who genuinely care and want to help won't think that you are lying. Have you sought professional help - a doctor or a therapist? Sometimes talking to someone neutral can make it easier to open up about your problems.

I think your boyfriend would want to know how you feel day-to-day. Relationships should be built on trust, love and loyalty. Those who love you want the best for you.
Original post by Foreverconfu
I have spoken to as many people as I Can I personally find it so hard to open up about my mental health and self harm depression etc as fear of people will think I’m lying
And about he boyfrind situation I know I should put myself by he is all I have atm all I talk to everyday day in day out I’m not sure where I’ll be if he leaves me


They won’t dare think you’d lie about that, every single person I confessed mine to were very understanding and just asked why I felt that way just for curiosity. If they don’t believe you though, are they really your friends? They should be there for you
Original post by cheesecakelove
Do you have friends or family you can talk to? I get that is must be hard to talk, but it is the first step. People who genuinely care and want to help won't think that you are lying. Have you sought professional help - a doctor or a therapist? Sometimes talking to someone neutral can make it easier to open up about your problems.

I think your boyfriend would want to know how you feel day-to-day. Relationships should be built on trust, love and loyalty. Those who love you want the best for you.


I try they’re not that understanding they do try tho
My boyfrind does want to know and does seem to care however I know for a fact he wouldn’t stick around if I went from having w job to nothing he don’t want to be with a jobless girl
Original post by Foreverconfu
I try they’re not that understanding they do try tho
My boyfrind does want to know and does seem to care however I know for a fact he wouldn’t stick around if I went from having w job to nothing he don’t want to be with a jobless girl


Your boyfriend's comments earlier on don't mean anything. If he understood the situation and the reasons behind you losing your job, he will support you. He knows what type of person you are.
Original post by Foreverconfu
So my boyfriend before said he doesn’t want a layabout girl and want a girl that’s going to be successful and I’m going to be fired from my apprentice as I never go in simply because I cannot deal with my own social anxiety’s and depression I’m self harming emotionally drain lost all self confidence etc
So I’m worried to tell him in case he leaves me


You need to start talking to people about your social anxiety or depression.

If your bf is any good , then you should be able to talk to him.
If you cannot or he isnt interested then he isnt a bg worth having.

You cannot place everything in your life on whether he stays with you or not, its not healthy.

You are unwell and you need to get better. Doing that depends on you taking rsponsibility and getting help and not whether you have a bf. Im concerned you cant handle if the relationship ends, when most relatinships will do so.

If you dont wnat to be fired from the apprenticeship you must:

1. Go and see your GP and tell them abut the anxiety and depression.
2. Let your employer know and they will have to take it into account.
3. Get some therapy for the depression, anxiety and self harming. Its hard to know the cause or which one comes first, hence you need to speak to people. You could start with Childline 08001111 or the Samaritans 116 123. Just someone you cna talk to will help you feel a little better and its confidential.

4. For the anxiety you can use these forums.
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/forum.php


5. or buy 2nd hand copies
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-Survival-Guide-Teens-Solutions/dp/1626252432/ref=pd_sim_14_5?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=P09CDSYEZM2EPNPGW4PH

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-Survival-Guide-Teens-Solutions/dp/1626252432/ref=pd_sim_14_5?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=P09CDSYEZM2EPNPGW4PH

Hang in there. the sjy wont fall in whether the apprenticesjip ends or your bf stays or oes. It will be ok. What is a waste is all the worry and anxiety over soemthing that wont be as bad as you think and is pretty much wasted. Do go and see your GP or speak to people. It seems bad, but thats just the anxiety rather thna the problem.


Take care.
So guys I told him and he’s gone crazy calling me a liar I’m a mess right now in tears the lot he thinks I wasn’t to just do nothing I don’t this is so wrong do you know what I’d give to be normal and be able to stick a 9-5 job day in day out I’m actually ****ed right now lol
Want*
Original post by Foreverconfu
So guys I told him and he’s gone crazy calling me a liar I’m a mess right now in tears the lot he thinks I wasn’t to just do nothing I don’t this is so wrong do you know what I’d give to be normal and be able to stick a 9-5 job day in day out I’m actually ****ed right now lol


It's a shame, but honestly, if he reacts this way, it shows his true personality. You need to focus on getting yourself better. Have a look at 999tigger's post, it contains a lot of useful information.

Quick Reply

Latest