Too shy or just unlucky? Watch

ADM86
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#1
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#1
I'm just approaching my 2nd semester at uni and I'm a bit pissed off that I haven't been able to meet any real friends outwith the course that I'm doing.

I stay in halls but cos all the guys on my course are either too young or commute large distances, I don't really go out with them except the odd occasion.

People said to me that I'd easily make friends at uni but I'm finding it pretty difficult; I stayed with 2 others who never went out before and I've now moved in with 6 others but it feels too late.

That and that it's kinda pissin me off that I'm 21 and I've still had nothing in terms of a love life.

I've gone out on my own a helluva lot of the time in the first semester but it gets quite debilitating after a while; I feel like I've really made the effort and its just not paying off.

People say I'm expecting too much - what, expecting to make friends is expecting too much?
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MSB
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#2
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It's an odd thing in that it just happens.

Concentrate on being a happy and confident person - that's all that matters.
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ADM86
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#3
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Would it not have happened by now though?

Its also very difficult if you're continually going places by yourself.
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</gibberish>
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#4
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<Insert generic comment about societies and being confident>
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MSB
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#5
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(Original post by ADM86)
Would it not have happened by now though?

Its also very difficult if you're continually going places by yourself.
That's true. If you want to meet people, you generally need to go places where people are.
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ADM86
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#6
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Which I do - but people on their lonesome are a rare commodity and make me feel a bit daft being on my own.
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MSB
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#7
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(Original post by ADM86)
people on their lonesome are a rare commodity and make me feel a bit daft being on my own.
Not at all.

Those walking on their own are the confident people.
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ADM86
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#8
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Well I feel like such a loner because of it - I used to enjoy my own company but now I hate it.

What you maybe should know is that I put off uni for 3 years because of what is called 'social anxiety' - now although I'm still quite shy in a lot of respects, I am desperate to make a better life for myself socially.

I've tried the societies route, the going to the union all the time route, the fresher's week route and it feels like I'm hammering my head against a brick wall.
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Lara C.
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#9
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you have my respect for putting the effort out there, very few actually do that. so you deffinately have confidence.

what exactly is it your looking for? to just hang around with people or to make meaningfull friendships? also would a gf stop you looking for others friendship or have i got the wrong idea.
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ADM86
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#10
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(Original post by Dac.)
what exactly is it your looking for? to just hang around with people or to make meaningfull friendships?
Even hanging around would be good, making meaningful friendships seems to be difficult although I'm sure it could be done.

(Original post by Dac.)
also would a gf stop you looking for others friendship or have i got the wrong idea.
Funny you should say that, was thinking that exact thing today. My sister has a boyfriend who she spends the majority of her time with and I think she's pretty damn happy. Helps that he's a good guy as well.
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Sanity Panda
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#11
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Hm. Are you placing too much emphasis on "Meaningful" friendships? What happens when you meet up with others? Don't really click or something?

Cause thats the problem I have. =/
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ADM86
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#12
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Pretty much I'm a really shy and unique person -

If I was outgoing and unique I'd probably have a line of friends 'nae handy' as we say up here.
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Sanity Panda
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#13
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I'm a really shy too!

Bet all your closest friendships are from when you were younger
What do you think of casual friendships as opposed to meaningful friendships?

I think I know what the problem might be, but this only applies to me. What do you think your reason is though?
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ADM86
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#14
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Commitment. I prefer spontanaeity.

That and I spose fear of being laughed at and fear of rejection in small parts.

Definitely rite about when I was younger - primary school was oh, so much easier.
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moodring01
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#15
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Is anyone really outgoing when they drink? That takes all my shyness away from me and I transform. I'm working on a way of taking that state and applying it to me when I'm sober.
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ADM86
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#16
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Good luck. :p:

It makes it slightly easier for me but I wouldn't say I lose all inhibitions.
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Sanity Panda
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#17
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(Original post by ADM86)
Commitment. I prefer spontanaeity.

That and I spose fear of being laughed at and fear of rejection in small parts.

Definitely rite about when I was younger - primary school was oh, so much easier.
Looks like it's a different variable.

All I know is that I'm constantly looking for "meaningful" relationships, expecting them to pop up from nowhere. I'm looking for someone to connect to, but at the same time believing that I'm unique or different from others. It's all about the depth, all these casual friendships seemed rather empty and I wasn't interested in that at all. Meh, I knew friendships take time to develop though.

You think there's a chance that you might be rejecting others before there's a chance for the friendship to bloom? (Guess social anxiety would also play into it a alot) It'd explain why when we were younger, we had no problem. Because we weren't focused on making friendship, it was just hanging around =/
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ADM86
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#18
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(Original post by Sanity Panda)
You think there's a chance that you might be rejecting others before there's a chance for the friendship to bloom? (Guess social anxiety would also play into it a alot) It'd explain why when we were younger, we had no problem. Because we weren't focused on making friendship, it was just hanging around =/
Could be about that - I'm looking for someone who's almost identical to me but I am such a complex person that that is nigh on impossible.

I think you're right - I am looking for meaningful relationships but because I am something of a commit-o-phobe; that has been pretty difficult.
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museobsessed
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#19
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meaningful relationships only come over time, i didn't feel that close to any of the friends i'd made in my first year until the end of the year, when we had memories and had been through things. just a point. all friendships start off casually, you don't just dive in to tell someone everything about yourself all at once, thats just scary
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