why has he randomly started sexting me?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
I've had a new male friend for a couple of weeks now. We message back and forth daily a few times with small polite talk. I'm used to most of my male friends eventually sexting me and basically killing a good friendship (not sure why this seems to happen?). Anyway, I was really starting to like this new guy, thinking he'd be different. I went and told him I thought he was a really sweet, friendly guy and it was refreshing.

Now everything I'm saying to him, he keeps turning it into a sexual innuendo. I'm no good with sexting and can't really be bothered to be honest. Is he just horny because it's midnight or something? Why do guys keep doing this to me? I wasn't even remotely flirting with him prior to this.
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james_arthur_1
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#2
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To me it seems like he only really wants one thing but I may be wrong. Just make sure you don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. This may sound bad but if you're not interested sexually just out and out friend zone him. If you are interested but don't want to sext, just tell him and have faith that he'll understand (he's not worth you if he doesn't). I'm guessing you're fairly attractive from what you've said and generally they are the people that tend to be taken advantage of, which is so wrong ik, but just make sure you don't do anything you don't want to and stay strong. There are plenty of guys out there
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by james_arthur_1)
To me it seems like he only really wants one thing but I may be wrong. Just make sure you don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. This may sound bad but if you're not interested sexually just out and out friend zone him. If you are interested but don't want to sext, just tell him and have faith that he'll understand (he's not worth you if he doesn't). I'm guessing you're fairly attractive from what you've said and generally they are the people that tend to be taken advantage of, which is so wrong ik, but just make sure you don't do anything you don't want to and stay strong. There are plenty of guys out there
thank you for your insightful response. I don't really know how to feel about him anymore. Perhaps it would've been different if we had met up a lot, and were in a relationship or something, but this guy barely knows me, he hasn't even attempted to arrange a date or anything and got straight into being sexual with me. Of course that just makes me think he isn't interested in anything serious with me, and just wants sex. At this stage in my life (22), I'm looking for serious, potentially long-term, meaningful relationships. However, I really struggle to find honest guys that want more than just a hook up.
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james_arthur_1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you for your insightful response. I don't really know how to feel about him anymore. Perhaps it would've been different if we had met up a lot, and were in a relationship or something, but this guy barely knows me, he hasn't even attempted to arrange a date or anything and got straight into being sexual with me. Of course that just makes me think he isn't interested in anything serious with me, and just wants sex. At this stage in my life (22), I'm looking for serious, potentially long-term, meaningful relationships. However, I really struggle to find honest guys that want more than just a hook up.
Dw there are plenty of guys out there and you're still young lol. From what I've seen the more you start looking for someone the less likely you are to find someone, so just live your life and be yourself and you'll find someone eventually
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TaintedLight
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Maybe its the way you respond. There is only one way to sort this out. And you know it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by james_arthur_1)
Dw there are plenty of guys out there and you're still young lol. From what I've seen the more you start looking for someone the less likely you are to find someone, so just live your life and be yourself and you'll find someone eventually
It's just frustrating because this is starting to become a common occurrence for me and makes me wary of the guys I befriend. I'll have a really high opinion of the guy, and think he's so nice and sweet, and I'll genuinely be interested in a relationship with him, then I'm just left feeling disappointed. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. I think I'm just going to stop searching for the time being, and focus on my studies instead.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TaintedLight)
Maybe its the way you respond. There is only one way to sort this out. And you know it.
Hmm I'm not sure. How it started was I complimented him by telling him I thought he was a genuinely nice, polite guy, so it was a fairly innocent compliment like I meant for it to be. Straight after that, he just turned the entire conversation sexual. I'd understand if I went ahead and complimented his physical attractiveness, his lips or whatever, but it was compliment regarding his character, so a bit perplexed personally.
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TaintedLight
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hmm I'm not sure. How it started was I complimented him by telling him I thought he was a genuinely nice, polite guy, so it was a fairly innocent compliment like I meant for it to be. Straight after that, he just turned the entire conversation sexual. I'd understand if I went ahead and complimented his physical attractiveness, his lips or whatever, but it was compliment regarding his character, so a bit perplexed personally.
See it this way

if 1 guy responded sexually, it's his problem
if 2 guys responded sexually, it's their problem and you were just unlucky
if 3 guys went sexual, you were just unbelievably unlucky
if 3+ well it should be you. At least a little. Dont think so?
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thegohst
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I believe the combination of the 2 reasons below is why your male friends end up sexting you.

1. The men are interested in you from the outset, but because you wish to be friends with them, they take on that role.
2. You communicate with them almost everyday or quite frequently for weeks, which is something people at the early stages of courtship do.

This leaves them in a state of limbo, as in they are uncertain as to whether you like them as a friend or more.

Which can illicit 2 reactions.

1. If you display affection towards them, they immediately determine that they should "Strike while the iron is hot" but in doing so they react sexually in order to not miss out on the opportunity.

2. They just lose patience and think "F*ck it, might as well tell her what I really want to do to her"

I wouldn't recommend putting a guy under the category of "friend" before deciding you're interested in him as this can lead to unexpected results. It may be better to go on as many dates as you feel necessary with the men you find attractive until you're comfortable with being with them. Whether it be 10 or 50 dates.

FYI. When you are interested in meeting someone. "Don't just wait for it to happen" That's really bad advice. Instead, know exactly what you want and put in the work to get it.
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AlwaysBroke.
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Because that's how ****boys roll.
He only wanted you for sex, just gotta accept that and make sure you don't make that mistake again. Ask a guy if you think someones a ****boy, because believe me, guys know how other guys think/intentions.
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5stardishes
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If this was a guy who you'd known for years then yeah you should be surprised. You've known him for 2 weeks, he's probably always had it in his mind to make moves towards you.

If it happens to you a lot I suspect it's on you too.
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SMEGGGY
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Aww play along. He'll stop once he shoots his hot salty spunk

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by thegohst)
I believe the combination of the 2 reasons below is why your male friends end up sexting you.

1. The men are interested in you from the outset, but because you wish to be friends with them, they take on that role.
2. You communicate with them almost everyday or quite frequently for weeks, which is something people at the early stages of courtship do.

This leaves them in a state of limbo, as in they are uncertain as to whether you like them as a friend or more.

Which can illicit 2 reactions.

1. If you display affection towards them, they immediately determine that they should "Strike while the iron is hot" but in doing so they react sexually in order to not miss out on the opportunity.

2. They just lose patience and think "F*ck it, might as well tell her what I really want to do to her"

I wouldn't recommend putting a guy under the category of "friend" before deciding you're interested in him as this can lead to unexpected results. It may be better to go on as many dates as you feel necessary with the men you find attractive until you're comfortable with being with them. Whether it be 10 or 50 dates.

FYI. When you are interested in meeting someone. "Don't just wait for it to happen" That's really bad advice. Instead, know exactly what you want and put in the work to get it.
the issue is these male friends, are just 'friends'. They haven't asked me out on a date, or explicitly even told me they are romantically interested in me for a start. Hence, it catches me completely off guard when when they start sexting, it comes across as inappropriate. It'd be at least make more sense if he'd told me he liked me, asked me out on a date and we'd been dating for a while, whereas this is just awkward. It puts me off when they do this because I feel they're only interested in sex.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TaintedLight)
See it this way

if 1 guy responded sexually, it's his problem
if 2 guys responded sexually, it's their problem and you were just unlucky
if 3 guys went sexual, you were just unbelievably unlucky
if 3+ well it should be you. At least a little. Dont think so?
(Original post by 5stardishes)
If this was a guy who you'd known for years then yeah you should be surprised. You've known him for 2 weeks, he's probably always had it in his mind to make moves towards you.

If it happens to you a lot I suspect it's on you too.
That's just it, if it is me, and I'm giving off some sort of signal, I'd like to know so I can filter out the men that want me for a night, as opposed to those that want a serious relationship with me. If it's relevant, I'm actually a virgin, I dress really modestly, I've never even done anything with a guy before sexually and I barely know how to sext for a start, hence when they start sexting, I never really know how to respond. I tend to be overly nice to everyone, including my male friends obviously, so perhaps they are mistaking my friendliness for romantic interest? If that's the case, still, I don't really like sexting, I prefer going out on dates and letting the relationship progress naturally.
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Lord Jon
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Stop looking for serious things. A relationship will grow organically.
Generally the more you keep looking, the less you will find!

Also he seems to be looking for something more casual imo. Speak to him, clarify what exactly he's doing and be clear that you don't want it.
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Jonjonbo
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
Aww play along. He'll stop once he shoots his hot salty spunk

Posted from TSR Mobile
That's pretty goddamn gay dude. Why do many men nowadays feel the need to have sex all the damn time, and not only that, make others super uncomfortable?
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thegohst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
the issue is these male friends, are just 'friends'. They haven't asked me out on a date, or explicitly even told me they are romantically interested in me for a start. Hence, it catches me completely off guard when when they start sexting, it comes across as inappropriate. It'd be at least make more sense if he'd told me he liked me, asked me out on a date and we'd been dating for a while, whereas this is just awkward. It puts me off when they do this because I feel they're only interested in sex.
I see. Well it seems that the majority of men you meet lack the confidence to be straight forward enough to ask you out, so they decide to play the long game and become your friend. As opposed to what they should be doing, which is building rapport, flirting and asking if you'd like to see them again. So i'd say your options are either: Wait until you meet a man who is confident enough to ask you out. Or when you meet a guy you like ask him out.

A third option would be to go to a bar, as men will come over to talk to you and will already be in the mindset of wanting to date. Plus it'll be easier to filter out men who only want a ONS.

Also, I don't think there's anything you can do about stopping guy friends from sexting you as that means they were already into you from the moment they met you. They just either wanted a ONS or didn't have the confidence to ask you out.

But as long as you know what you want and are willing to put in the work you'll meet a good man
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TaintedLight
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's just it, if it is me, and I'm giving off some sort of signal, I'd like to know so I can filter out the men that want me for a night, as opposed to those that want a serious relationship with me. If it's relevant, I'm actually a virgin, I dress really modestly, I've never even done anything with a guy before sexually and I barely know how to sext for a start, hence when they start sexting, I never really know how to respond. I tend to be overly nice to everyone, including my male friends obviously, so perhaps they are mistaking my friendliness for romantic interest? If that's the case, still, I don't really like sexting, I prefer going out on dates and letting the relationship progress naturally.
Um... I'll need your number... you know.
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SMEGGGY
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(Original post by Jonjonbo)
That's pretty goddamn gay dude. Why do many men nowadays feel the need to have sex all the damn time, and not only that, make others super uncomfortable?

uncomfortable?

Where?
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markovchain17
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Here's a simple effective tip that might work: Don't message him at midnight.

Or just tell him straight you only want to be friends.

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