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Does my anxiety and depression come from my parent?

I always thought that my anxiety and depression came from my past experiences at school ( being bullied by kids at school). However, recently I found out that it seems like it's not entirely caused by my past experiences.
I am on a gap year now, I do not have to go to school atm. When I walk on the street alone these days, I felt more confident and I do not have that weird anxiety feeling. But after talking to my mum, that anxiety got back to me again and her words kinda confirms my negative self beliefs.

today my mum called me and we had an argument. Basically, every time when we have an argument, she always brings up things like "oh you are not good enough, why are you applying to study X( the subject)? Your personality is not suitable for that." She always makes those statements. Also, whenever I am sad, I called her up and told her, she always says" why are you so ungrateful? Why are you being depressed again ? You have a good life, good place to live; many people want to have your life, why can't you be grateful? Why are you being ungrateful and always feels down for nothing ?" I told her lots of time that I am grateful for what I have and I know that not many people can have the opportunity to learn or eat or have a nice place to live without worrying. But she links my depression with that and saying that my depression shows that I am not grateful for what I have and I kept being down.

Honestly, I feel like sometimes after I talk to her, my anxiety keeps getting worse and worse. She made me even more anxious and depressed and leave me feel unworthy.

She is my mum at the end of the day and I love her. However, what she says to me made me feel very bad about myself... I have expressed my thoughts on this to her but she responded "you are my daughter and you should know my personality. I don't sugarcoat my words so you should deal with it."

Honestly, I don't know what I should do with her anymore. I know she is my mum after all and I do not want to make our mother-daughter relationship worse.

What should I do about this ?
Sorry to hear about this.

Your mom is very mean by saying "you're not good enough" "why are you choosing to study x". She shouldn't be putting you down. Maybe she has issues herself?

She doesn't understand your sadness, she isn't emphatic towards this I'm afraid.

You should say you don't like being told you're not good enough and the things she says to you which it makes you feel worse, hopefully she understands.

Perhaps you could talk to a trusted family member (aunt, cousin etc) and you could even go to the school's care team if they have a counsellor so you could talk about this and it may help with your anxiety and depression.
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Avatar for qam
qam
19
I understand that feeling very well. If its really bad i suggest going to the GP as they can offer support
Original post by Anonymous
I always thought that my anxiety and depression came from my past experiences at school ( being bullied by kids at school). However, recently I found out that it seems like it's not entirely caused by my past experiences.
I am on a gap year now, I do not have to go to school atm. When I walk on the street alone these days, I felt more confident and I do not have that weird anxiety feeling. But after talking to my mum, that anxiety got back to me again and her words kinda confirms my negative self beliefs.

today my mum called me and we had an argument. Basically, every time when we have an argument, she always brings up things like "oh you are not good enough, why are you applying to study X( the subject)? Your personality is not suitable for that." She always makes those statements. Also, whenever I am sad, I called her up and told her, she always says" why are you so ungrateful? Why are you being depressed again ? You have a good life, good place to live; many people want to have your life, why can't you be grateful? Why are you being ungrateful and always feels down for nothing ?" I told her lots of time that I am grateful for what I have and I know that not many people can have the opportunity to learn or eat or have a nice place to live without worrying. But she links my depression with that and saying that my depression shows that I am not grateful for what I have and I kept being down.

Honestly, I feel like sometimes after I talk to her, my anxiety keeps getting worse and worse. She made me even more anxious and depressed and leave me feel unworthy.

She is my mum at the end of the day and I love her. However, what she says to me made me feel very bad about myself... I have expressed my thoughts on this to her but she responded "you are my daughter and you should know my personality. I don't sugarcoat my words so you should deal with it."

Honestly, I don't know what I should do with her anymore. I know she is my mum after all and I do not want to make our mother-daughter relationship worse.

What should I do about this ?


I know exactly how you feel, go through similar with my mum.

In the end I learned that patience is very key....when you know she's about to say something that will piss you off or bring up old habits/comments you don't like take a moment to think and RELAX, let it go and just be as calm as you can be. Ultimately this will reduce the number of fights you have drastically and limit any conversations you have.

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