How to tell someone your not ready to meet them because of social anxiety?

I’ve been talking to a boy on and off now for about 5 weeks. It’s been on and off because yes I’ll be honest, I’ve been blowing hot and cold. That is because I have social anxiety and I’m worried that he’s taking the piss out of me because he is out of my league. He has said a few times now that I should go out and I just play it off with I will/may soon. I do want to but my social anxiety really is holding me back and also the fact that my family like to be in on my life and I don’t like it And find it embarrassing. I don’t leave my house, only to go to school so if I go out my family will know I’m doing something. I do like him but I’m not sure I can do this. I know I have to make a decision because it’s not fair on him

Its not a big deal. The way to do it is just tell him you like to get to know someone first, so youd appreciate it if he could not rush. If he gets pushy and doesnt listen then drop him. Alternatively go out as a group, so its less like a date.

Firstly can I just say that your fears and worries are not embarrassing, because there are loads of people out there who have social anxiety and find it hard to meet up with people. Including myself. My advice would be to take your time. In a society that is all about ‘going’ and ‘getting things done’ and ‘time-saving’, many of us (whether we have anxiety or not) feel bad when we are not being as ‘productive’ as we feel we could be. Anxiety-sufferers, such as ourselves, often feel burdened to get over anxiety as quickly as possible so we are able to go out and do things, such as meeting up with this boy. It is therefore important for me to tell you that there is no time frame with anxiety. If you feel that you aren’t ready to meet with him, then don’t go. Of course, you shouldn’t let your fears stop you from doing things in life, but if you’re not ready then you’re not ready.

However, I would let him know why. It’s highly likely he will understand, and if he doesn’t and is all annoying about it then he obviously isn’t right for you.

Whilst in the grip of a bad anxiety spell, it can be impossible to remember a time when you were not feeling anxious. The anxiety is so overwhelming that you sometimes wonder if you are ever going to feel normal again. When this happens, I want you to remember that the bad feelings will eventually go away.

I think that you should slowly build yourself up so you can be ready. Such as going out with the family and getting more involved, or going out with friends who you trust and are comfortable with. Even going out on your own. Talking to someone always helps as well

Thank you, I think I will try that i just hope he understands. I’m 17 and I’ve never really spoken to a boy apart from when I had a boyfriend when I was about 9 (this same boy actually) and no one has ever been interested in me and I don’t think anyone else will be any time soon so I don’t want to ruin this chance but I don’t know if I’m ready for a boyfriend yet.

Dont have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Are you just messaging or using voice or full skype?

Honestly there will be plenty of other boys, just treat it as a chance to have a new friend, but youll be fine if it doesnt develop. Realising that should help you relax and be more confident.

Just snapchat but it hasn’t been pictures of us just a blank photo with text on it like.
I don’t want to seem like one of those 17 year old girls who feel like they constantly need a boyfriend but I feel like it will be a long time before anyone else shows An interest.
When he messages me and I reply and I try not to seem too interested but it’s hard not to seem interested when I actually am and I sit there thinking ‘what the **** am I doing, I shouldn’t be doing this’. If I doesn’t go any further I do want him as a friend because even though he’s a ‘lad’ and the type to go out under age drinking and smoking weed, I feel like he is someone who can be trusted. He tells me I’m beautiful and it makes me so happy.
I’m reading this thoughj now and I realise I am just rambling about shit😂

I totally understand as I’m exactly the same! Only times i go out as well is for school or with parents. Maybe the odd time with my friends but that’s rare. I have been out with a boy once and I have social anxiety but I actually found it fine when I was out. I just told him I’m a little shy until you get to know me and he completely understood. I also explained to him about my family being suspicious as to who im out with etc and he said its fine because actually his parents were the same. Honestly just try going out with him even if it’s for a short amount of time and you’ll soon get used to being around him.