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Boyfriend's friends..

Really don't like me at all and have said some really hurtful things to my face and behind my back. Some have included racial slurs and such like and my boyfriend has never stuck up for me at all...whenever I mention it he makes it out as if I'm overreacting but I don't know it does upset me from time to time.
We've been together for quite a while so no I don't want to dump him :\

Reply 1

SilverWings

14

You need to explain to him properly how you feel. If he still refuses to sympathise with you or stand up for you then it's time you thought about getting rid of him, no one should have to put up with people saying hurtful things about them, and no one should have to put up with racist remarks - your boyfriend should know this if he is a mature individual and it should matter to him if he cares about you.

Reply 2

spartakist

14

Let him know how you feel about it. Boys in general are very reluctant to be seen to be choosing their girlfriend over their friends, as (in my experience, anyway) it will ave pretty severe repercussions...but if they're racially slurring you, that's ot on, you've got to let him know you aren't happy with it, and ask him to shelve his pride for your sake

Reply 3

kitty_ramone

Why don't you want to dump him if he doesn't respect you or stand up for you? Doesn't really sound like boyfriend material.

I wonder how he acts when they say stuff behind your back?

Reply 4

stevo23e

if you like your boyfriend to much to dump him,but his friends are dicks, just have it out with them yourself, and not any of that "why dont you like me" stuff yell,shout,scratch,bite if needed

Reply 5

as cruel as school children

10

spartakist

Let him know how you feel about it. Boys in general are very reluctant to be seen to be choosing their girlfriend over their friends,

those who completely ditch their mates when they are in love end up with fewer friends when their relationship is up

Reply 6

silverbolt

19

Pulling A Fast One

those who completely ditch their mates when they are in love end up with fewer friends when their relationship is up

very true no woman is worth a good mate - whatever views they may hold

Reply 7

as cruel as school children

10

silverbolt

very true no woman is worth a good mate - whatever views they may hold

bbh..

Reply 8

astudent1990

I'd hate to have racist friends. He sounds like a dick.

Reply 9

EvilSheep

silverbolt

very true no woman is worth a good mate - whatever views they may hold

Reply 10

bekahchu

14

If he liked you enough, he wouldn't let his friends say things like that and he would stick up for you. You need to sit down and tell him exactly how you feel, and if nothing changes, you have to seriously think where the relationship is going and if all this cruelty from his friends is really worth it.

I know it's hard, my bf's best friend hates me because he wants to sleep with me (he's actually tried quite hard) and he hates me because it's just not gonna happen 'cos I love my bf. My bf's solution is just to keep us apart - he doesn't want to lose me or his friend but he at least understands that what his mate did was quite dickish and he's spoken to his mate about it but of course his mate late. All v. complicated etc etc but ANYWAY...

Good luck x

Reply 11

ciara

13

It's not so much that he's 'choosing' them over you. It's more the fact that when you're good friends with someone, you don't just mindlessly laugh along with everything they say, you should be able to stand up to them. If my friend said something racist I would certainly say something. It's irrelevant whether it was said specifically about my boyfriend (although that makes it worse), it's just about having some principles and not tolerating certain types of behaviour. Your boyfriend sounds weak at best, mindless at worst. Definitely stand up for yourself in front of his friends - true, he should tell them where to go, but if he doesn't have the balls then you need to make sure they know that you won't be spoken to like that. Have a serious talk with your boyfriend and ask him how he feels about his friends' views. It would properly put me off a guy if he behaved like that.

Reply 12

silverbolt

19

EvilSheep

good comeback oh growly one - whats your point?

Reply 13

Jett

Are they making jokes at your expense or being aggressive? Either way, you can choose to fight back or tell your boyfriend that you're not up to spending time with them.

Personally, I'd fight back.

Reply 14

Wangers

16

EvilSheep

Hypocrasy! Ladies have exactly the same attitude :p:

Reply 15

EvilSheep

silverbolt

good comeback oh growly one - whats your point?

Point being that no woman is worth a mate whatever views they have?!? So if your mate is racist, and your girlfriend is coloured, then you are not supposed to stand up for her against him??? IMO, that's madness..

Reply 16

EvilSheep

flugestuge

Relationships end after a while.
And if you have burned off your friends, then once the relationship is over you end up friendless and loveless.

I'm not talking about ditching your friends altogether.. But if they are talking **** about your girlfriend or boyfriend, then come on! You are alllowed to tell them off and say that you don't like it!! I wouldn't let my friends say anything bad about my boyfriend... And if they did, I would definitely stand up for him..

Reply 17

EvilSheep

Wangers

Hypocrasy! Ladies have exactly the same attitude :p:

Nope!

Reply 18

astudent1990

EvilSheep

Point being that no woman is worth a mate whatever views they have?!? So if your mate is racist, and your girlfriend is coloured, then you are not supposed to stand up for her against him??? IMO, that's madness..

Totally agree with this post.

It's not even about "mates before your gf" in this situation, it's about not letting someone get away with racist comments at someone you love. If your mate was being racist to another one of your mates, would this be "mates before mates"? :rolleyes:

Reply 19

username81904

15

Well sometimes guys just dont like girlfriends because it means they dont get to see them as much. If this is the case then there is nothing OP can do because if the boys got any sense he will chose the mates if she puts the "fall out with your mates or stop going out with me" question to him. As long as he doesnt participate in the stuff behind your back then you have nothing to worry about! Girls talk about each others boyfriends all the time. Guys just talk about girlfriends in a much more laddish way that could be seen as offencive to girls.

All this nonsense about standing up for them, about the racial thing, i wouldnt start a confrontation about it i would start sluring something about him in a joking way! Friendly blackmail lol. This only really applies to group situations. Besides its not the guys beef really. Its between the girl and the guys hes just stuck in the middle.

Boyfriend's friends..

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