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    I have been with this girl for 3 years, and have been so in love with her, she is the centre of my world. However, although I love her, she is absolutely beautiful and there are many lovely qualities to her, she is toxic and unstable and certain elements to our relationship have caused me nothing but absolute grief and mental turmoil. I would consider the relationship I am in as indirectly abusive.

    I know that I should leave this girl, and I know everybody else does too, but I am so attached to her that the thought of leaving her feels like death. I am very isolated and she is the only person in my life to an extent. I get on with my family, but rarely see any as they live so far from me and I would not consider myself close to my family. I have been living in the city of my uni for 3 years now, (I'm an early 20's first year though), and my old friendships have more or less died. If I am to leave her, then I fear I will be completely alone, and after having somebody you love by your side for so long, that thought petrifies me.
    I also know that even if I leave her, I will still love her and it will be pure pain knowing that she is out there somewhere living without me.

    I really want to be happy, and this relationship is making me far from that. How can I leave her when I am so attached to her and have nobody else?
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    Tell her you are going, get up, go.

    It sounds harsh, but it really is the only way to do it. I've been in a situation similar to this and it's not easy, anyone who says otherwise is a liar. But you've got to crack on with it for your own sake. Sticking around out simply because you feel like you are out of options is no good, mate.
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    (Original post by gjd800)
    Tell her you are going, get up, go.

    It sounds harsh, but it really is the only way to do it. I've been in a situation similar to this and it's not easy, anyone who says otherwise is a liar. But you've got to crack on with it for your own sake. Sticking around out simply because you feel like you are out of options is no good, mate.
    It's not just the fear of being alone. For all the negativity in the relationship and the effect it is having on my mental health, I do deeply love her, and living without her is an unbearable thought, even though I know I need to do it for my own sake. It's like, I feel that the pain I feel now whilst in the relationship is less than the pain I would feel without her.
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    (Original post by sfm16bju)
    It's not just the fear of being alone. For all the negativity in the relationship and the effect it is having on my mental health, I do deeply love her, and living without her is an unbearable thought, even though I know I need to do it for my own sake. It's like, I feel that the pain I feel now whilst in the relationship is less than the pain I would feel without her.
    Yep, been there. it is easier with mates or family around you but it is still ****ing difficult.

    I dunno what else to tell ya. It seems to me that you know what you need to do, but you're intent on finding excuses not to (I don't mean that in an arsey way). As I say, I've been there so I get it. Ultimately your choice, but for all the inevitable pain and grief and nuclear fallout, if it is as toxic as you say it is, you will be better off out of it in the long term.
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    weigh up the pros and cons. There may be both pros and cons on either decision neither rwill be 100% better than the other, decide which is best for you then do that. theres no other advice really u can get as u know your situation, and the value u place on either result of the decison
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    It is always 100% better to be OUT of an abusive relationship - indirectly abusive or otherwise. Come on, now.
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    (Original post by sfm16bju)
    I have been with this girl for 3 years, and have been so in love with her, she is the centre of my world. However, although I love her, she is absolutely beautiful and there are many lovely qualities to her, she is toxic and unstable and certain elements to our relationship have caused me nothing but absolute grief and mental turmoil. I would consider the relationship I am in as indirectly abusive.

    I know that I should leave this girl, and I know everybody else does too, but I am so attached to her that the thought of leaving her feels like death. I am very isolated and she is the only person in my life to an extent. I get on with my family, but rarely see any as they live so far from me and I would not consider myself close to my family. I have been living in the city of my uni for 3 years now, (I'm an early 20's first year though), and my old friendships have more or less died. If I am to leave her, then I fear I will be completely alone, and after having somebody you love by your side for so long, that thought petrifies me.
    I also know that even if I leave her, I will still love her and it will be pure pain knowing that she is out there somewhere living without me.

    I really want to be happy, and this relationship is making me far from that. How can I leave her when I am so attached to her and have nobody else?


    give her an ultimatum
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    Don't think about this girl anymore if you really want to leave someone. And try to avoid herself all the time.
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    (Original post by sfm16bju)
    I have been with this girl for 3 years, and have been so in love with her, she is the centre of my world. However, although I love her, she is absolutely beautiful and there are many lovely qualities to her, she is toxic and unstable and certain elements to our relationship have caused me nothing but absolute grief and mental turmoil. I would consider the relationship I am in as indirectly abusive.

    I know that I should leave this girl, and I know everybody else does too, but I am so attached to her that the thought of leaving her feels like death. I am very isolated and she is the only person in my life to an extent. I get on with my family, but rarely see any as they live so far from me and I would not consider myself close to my family. I have been living in the city of my uni for 3 years now, (I'm an early 20's first year though), and my old friendships have more or less died. If I am to leave her, then I fear I will be completely alone, and after having somebody you love by your side for so long, that thought petrifies me.
    I also know that even if I leave her, I will still love her and it will be pure pain knowing that she is out there somewhere living without me.

    I really want to be happy, and this relationship is making me far from that. How can I leave her when I am so attached to her and have nobody else?
    It's not easy.You have to set a boundary that they shouldn't cross. Sometimes writing down the pros and cons of staying or leaving the relationship helps.For me, there were a lot of cons.. he was not invested in our marriage, he didn't really care about me or our child, and was always emotionally abusive. My child and I were never his priority. It was his parents, his siblings and his maternal aunts and their families. He would buy his brother the latest phones, expensive jewellery for his mom, stuff for his sister and her family, etc. and not care if my child had no clothes to wear or we had no food to eat.Final straw was when he was planing to set me up as an incompetent mother to take my child away from me and start his life with his old girlfriend who he loved for 17 years. The girl friend was married with kids but was unhappy in her marriage because her husband had lost his job and was struggling with a temporary job to make ends meet.That and the fact where his mother told me in front of him to give my 3 month old child up for adoption if I can't take care of him on my own and he agreed with her. It made me strengthen my resolve to leave.I love him and miss him but I couldn't live with him and his narcissistic personality if I had to be strong and sane for my child.It's been two years and he has not once come to see us or called either. He has moved away without leaving a forwarding address.It was a very difficult decision to try to leave because I loved him a lot but given the circumstances, it was the best for me and my child.
 
 
 
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