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Keep meeting guys who only want sex watch

    • #1
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    #1

    The last 3 guys I've met have been very keen to have sex; I'd say I slept with them all within a month of knowing them, but not like the first time we met or anything.

    Anyway after 1-2 months when they saw I was developing feelings etc. and eventually talked about having a relationship they would come out with all sorts of excuses like I'm not capable of having a relationship, I'm not in the right mindset, I can't fall in love with anyone etc.

    I think it was a load of lies and that they never liked me enough in the bginning. My friend says it's my fault probably as I come on too strong in the beginning and that they 'sense it'. But if they were so weirded-out or scared of then I don't understand why they wanted to continue seeing me on a casual basis and having sex.

    Maybe I'm just going for the wrong guys, but I can't be that unlucky 3 times in a row. I'm 26 and the guys were aged from 22-26.. I didn't tell them from day 1 I was in love or anything, but I cannot do the whol casual thing and again after about a month, I had feelings and let them know .

    any possible advice? It's just a little disheartening and i'd like to know what I'm doing wrong.. even if now I see that these guys were wrong for me, I don't want it to happen again .Thanks
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    If you keep seeing dirt, you gotta check your glasses.
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    Guys lie to get a girl into bed - it happens! The trick is to recognise the players from the rest.

    Everyone is different, but I think it's safe to say that a month isn't very long to wait between initially meeting him and finding out whether he's actually interested in you or just trying his luck to see whether he can get his way with you

    Aside from perhaps waiting a little bit longer, think about other stuff which might indicate whether he's really interested.
    • Does he avoid letting you meet his friends? (real friends, not just the random drinking buddies from the pub)
    • Does he avoid having photos of you together somewhere that his family can see, like facebook?
    • Has he avoided telling his family about you?
    • Are his conversations always about 'this weekend' or 'let's hang out tonight'?
    • Does he avoid telling you anything about his relationship history? or even avoid letting you really get to know who he really is in general?
    • Are most of your texts just endless flirting/fun?
    • if you ask him what he really wants in a partner, does he change the subject?
    • Does he make sure that he keeps you on a "short rope" to avoid making any kind of *real* conversation about a long term relationship?
    • Does he seem like he just doesn't actually want to be in a position where he has to explain to his friends/family that he started dating you and then broke it off after a couple of months?
    • If you ask him, does he say he'd be happy for now just with a casual relationship?



    I'm a guy, and when I'm in a casual relationship I usually avoid getting too close to someone, which usually involves some of the above albeit not in a deceitful way. (there are also plenty of guys who don't have a fragile ego and are entirely capable of being honest when they just want something casual).

    The "players" on the other hand, tend to be insecure but hide it well. They're more likely to be worried that they'll be "caught out" by a girl before they get what they're after, which of course is why they usually spend all their effort trying to project an image of being that ideal guy (clothes, appearance, spare money, full of compliments to you and telling you everything you want to hear - never wanting to show any vulnerability, probably exaggerating or bragging a fair bit about themselves too).. so just remember that when you meet the next potential mistake, and don't fall for the bullsh...

    (..maybe I should have studied behavioural psychology instead ).
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    Where are you meeting these guys?
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    You need to be clear from the start that you don’t want a casual relationship - tell them you aren’t interested in that type of relationship. Say you are happy to remain friends if they seem upset by this. Then go on dates and get to know each other. I played it this way with my last boyfriend and it worked. Otherwise I’ve found you get stung.
    • #2
    #2

    No offence you're 26 and you don't understand the mindset of some boys who say anything to just want to get laid?! Of course they'll turn it around to you and say those things to make you feel bad, you're friend didn't help at all tbh, regardless if it was you or not she should have gave you useful advice and comforted you.

    I think the problem is that you're going for guys aged 22-26, I still think some boys have not fully matured during this time and don't want to settle down, considering you're 26, you should be going for 26+ I'm sure they'll be a lot of guys from this age group, who want the same things you do. Yeah I also agree that you should tell them your intentions and what you want so that they don't assume and you won't get disappointed.
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    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)

    I think the problem is that you're going for guys aged 22-26, I still think some boys have not fully matured during this time and don't want to settle down, considering you're 26, you should be going for 26+ I'm sure they'll be a lot of guys from this age group, who want the same things you do. Yeah I also agree that you should tell them your intentions and what you want so that they don't assume and you won't get disappointed.
    Funny thing is there was a thread the other day about getting married and so many people said they wanted to be married by age 24... but then again they were probably the girls.
    • #4
    #4

    You are no longer capable of being in LTR
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    You have to make your intentions clear from the beginning. Just be upfront.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Funny thing is there was a thread the other day about getting married and so many people said they wanted to be married by age 24... but then again they were probably the girls.
    Most probably, I've never ever heard guys say when they want to get married tbh Lool and they were most probably teenagers on that thread, considering their goal age is 24. I remember when I was 15 I wanted to get married at 26 but I'm 22 now, never had a relationship yet and I don't think I will get married at 26 Lool
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    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by winterscoming)
    Guys lie to get a girl into bed - it happens! The trick is to recognise the players from the rest.

    Everyone is different, but I think it's safe to say that a month isn't very long to wait between initially meeting him and finding out whether he's actually interested in you or just trying his luck to see whether he can get his way with you

    Aside from perhaps waiting a little bit longer, think about other stuff which might indicate whether he's really interested.
    • Does he avoid letting you meet his friends? (real friends, not just the random drinking buddies from the pub)
    • Does he avoid having photos of you together somewhere that his family can see, like facebook?
    • Has he avoided telling his family about you?
    • Are his conversations always about 'this weekend' or 'let's hang out tonight'?
    • Does he avoid telling you anything about his relationship history? or even avoid letting you really get to know who he really is in general?
    • Are most of your texts just endless flirting/fun?
    • if you ask him what he really wants in a partner, does he change the subject?
    • Does he make sure that he keeps you on a "short rope" to avoid making any kind of *real* conversation about a long term relationship?
    • Does he seem like he just doesn't actually want to be in a position where he has to explain to his friends/family that he started dating you and then broke it off after a couple of months?
    • If you ask him, does he say he'd be happy for now just with a casual relationship?



    I'm a guy, and when I'm in a casual relationship I usually avoid getting too close to someone, which usually involves some of the above albeit not in a deceitful way. (there are also plenty of guys who don't have a fragile ego and are entirely capable of being honest when they just want something casual).

    The "players" on the other hand, tend to be insecure but hide it well. They're more likely to be worried that they'll be "caught out" by a girl before they get what they're after, which of course is why they usually spend all their effort trying to project an image of being that ideal guy (clothes, appearance, spare money, full of compliments to you and telling you everything you want to hear - never wanting to show any vulnerability, probably exaggerating or bragging a fair bit about themselves too).. so just remember that when you meet the next potential mistake, and don't fall for the bullsh...

    (..maybe I should have studied behavioural psychology instead ).
    Your perspective is interesting, especially coming from a male. Guys rarely talk about this sort of thing so it has been eye opening to get one male perspective, at least! I know I'm a woman, and one gender psychologising about the other is just pointless, but I'll give you my ten cents.
    I think that 'players' who specifically set out to play girls, premeditated players so to speak, aren't necessarily truly insecure about themselves - more cowardly perhaps, immature or lacking the ability to understand the consequences of their actions.
    Maybe I am being naive, but at 24, from my own experiences and people i know, I think there are a lot of guys out there who don't technically set out to use a girl for sex but end up doing so. I think there is this whole thing guys experience where they get fascinated with a girl but in fact it is just lust, and once that lust has been satisfied, i.e. they have came, to put it crudely, they are literally hardwired to no longer be sexually interested, or interested at all. By this point, the girl has already developed strong feelings and an attachment to the guy. What do you think of this?
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Your perspective is interesting, especially coming from a male. Guys rarely talk about this sort of thing so it has been eye opening to get one male perspective, at least! I know I'm a woman, and one gender psychologising about the other is just pointless, but I'll give you my ten cents.
    I think that 'players' who specifically set out to play girls, premeditated players so to speak, aren't necessarily truly insecure about themselves - more cowardly perhaps, immature or lacking the ability to understand the consequences of their actions.
    Maybe I am being naive, but at 24, from my own experiences and people i know, I think there are a lot of guys out there who don't technically set out to use a girl for sex but end up doing so. I think there is this whole thing guys experience where they get fascinated with a girl but in fact it is just lust, and once that lust has been satisfied, i.e. they have came, to put it crudely, they are literally hardwired to no longer be sexually interested, or interested at all. By this point, the girl has already developed strong feelings and an attachment to the guy. What do you think of this?
    Why did you repost this?
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    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The last 3 guys I've met have been very keen to have sex; I'd say I slept with them all within a month of knowing them, but not like the first time we met or anything.

    Anyway after 1-2 months when they saw I was developing feelings etc. and eventually talked about having a relationship they would come out with all sorts of excuses like I'm not capable of having a relationship, I'm not in the right mindset, I can't fall in love with anyone etc.

    I think it was a load of lies and that they never liked me enough in the bginning. My friend says it's my fault probably as I come on too strong in the beginning and that they 'sense it'. But if they were so weirded-out or scared of then I don't understand why they wanted to continue seeing me on a casual basis and having sex.

    Maybe I'm just going for the wrong guys, but I can't be that unlucky 3 times in a row. I'm 26 and the guys were aged from 22-26.. I didn't tell them from day 1 I was in love or anything, but I cannot do the whol casual thing and again after about a month, I had feelings and let them know .

    any possible advice? It's just a little disheartening and i'd like to know what I'm doing wrong.. even if now I see that these guys were wrong for me, I don't want it to happen again .Thanks
    Yeah, guys are weird, a whole species of their own, impossible to understand. I never have..

    On a serious note, I think you definitely can be that unlucky three times in a row. I've had my encounters with a lot more than three players in my life. I don't think it's the kind of thing you can necessarily prevent from happening again. There are a lot of people out there who go through disheartening experience to disheartening experience, before finally finding someone worthwhile who will commit to them.

    I've never understood how people just fall into relationships. To be honest, I've observed the kinds of girls that it generally happens to are those with a very strong sense of self and direction, yet also somehow slightly guarded, to prevent themselves being hurt... (that's the complete opposite to my character lol) They know what they want in a partner and they don't give too much to others, only just enough. Maybe it's worth digging a little deeper for what you actually want in a partner and what you want in a relationship, and learning to only give what is being returned. Unfortunately it is very difficult to control one's emotions, to stop oneself getting attached, to stop oneself giving.

    I wish there was a solution I could give you. I'm of a similar age to you and single, avoiding getting involved in anything casual. If I was to do that, it would be a massive risk for me, because I literally do attach myself so easily once I get to know a person and spend time with them... and after that, well they can leave you out to the wolves. It's annoying because on one hand you have certain human needs that need to be met, sexually but also in terms of affection, excitement, connection, companionship etc, yet on the other, you want to avoid being hurt. I am basically in that position at the moment.

    Ultimately, every time you encounter someone knew, you are taking a massive risk. I guess when you're strong enough that you know that they aren't the most important thing in your life, and they can't break you because you're already so busy and occupied and fulfilled, that's when you're ready to take the risk. If you're in that position within yourself then what a guy does can't really affect you. I don't know though... it's never happened to me.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why did you repost this?
    By accident...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, guys are weird, a whole species of their own, impossible to understand. I never have..

    On a serious note, I think you definitely can be that unlucky three times in a row. I've had my encounters with a lot more than three players in my life. I don't think it's the kind of thing you can necessarily prevent from happening again. There are a lot of people out there who go through disheartening experience to disheartening experience, before finally finding someone worthwhile who will commit to them.

    I've never understood how people just fall into relationships. To be honest, I've observed the kinds of girls that it generally happens to are those with a very strong sense of self and direction, yet also somehow slightly guarded, to prevent themselves being hurt... (that's the complete opposite to my character lol) They know what they want in a partner and they don't give too much to others, only just enough. Maybe it's worth digging a little deeper for what you actually want in a partner and what you want in a relationship, and learning to only give what is being returned. Unfortunately it is very difficult to control one's emotions, to stop oneself getting attached, to stop oneself giving.

    I wish there was a solution I could give you. I'm of a similar age to you and single, avoiding getting involved in anything casual. If I was to do that, it would be a massive risk for me, because I literally do attach myself so easily once I get to know a person and spend time with them... and after that, well they can leave you out to the wolves. It's annoying because on one hand you have certain human needs that need to be met, sexually but also in terms of affection, excitement, connection, companionship etc, yet on the other, you want to avoid being hurt. I am basically in that position at the moment.

    Ultimately, every time you encounter someone knew, you are taking a massive risk. I guess when you're strong enough that you know that they aren't the most important thing in your life, and they can't break you because you're already so busy and occupied and fulfilled, that's when you're ready to take the risk. If you're in that position within yourself then what a guy does can't really affect you. I don't know though... it's never happened to me.
    If you're attractive enough the guy will marry you, if not he's just gonna use you for sex. That's all there is to it
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Angry Bird)
    If you're attractive enough the guy will marry you, if not he's just gonna use you for sex. That's all there is to it
    I think the point is more that the typical player wants to bed as many attractive women as possible, so he even if he dates an attractive women, she just wouldn't be enough for him.
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    YOU SLEPT WITH THEM JUST WITHIN ONE MONTH? And I can't get a girl to bed for a million years
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    your lucky.. there is a simple solution:

    Dont sleep with guys after less then 1 month!

    Infact, wait 6 months. Or more.

    All these guys who just want you for sex will pack up and leave well before that.. they will move on to the next girl who will give to them easier.. and you will be left with just the serrious guys who actually want a relationship
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by The RAR)
    YOU SLEPT WITH THEM JUST WITHIN ONE MONTH? And I can't get a girl to bed for a million years
    Lol ikr
    (Original post by fallen_acorns)
    your lucky.. there is a simple solution:

    Dont sleep with guys after less then 1 month!

    Infact, wait 6 months. Or more.

    All these guys who just want you for sex will pack up and leave well before that.. they will move on to the next girl who will give to them easier.. and you will be left with just the serrious guys who actually want a relationship
    You've got to be leaking no offence if you sleep with them within a month. THREE times
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think that 'players' who specifically set out to play girls, premeditated players so to speak, aren't necessarily truly insecure about themselves - more cowardly perhaps, immature or lacking the ability to understand the consequences of their actions.
    Maybe I am being naive, but at 24, from my own experiences and people i know, I think there are a lot of guys out there who don't technically set out to use a girl for sex but end up doing so. I think there is this whole thing guys experience where they get fascinated with a girl but in fact it is just lust, and once that lust has been satisfied, i.e. they have came, to put it crudely, they are literally hardwired to no longer be sexually interested, or interested at all. By this point, the girl has already developed strong feelings and an attachment to the guy. What do you think of this?
    "Players" who specifically set out to aren't cowardly immature at all neither do they lack the ability to understand the consequences of their actions, they just know what they want(not what you want) e.g. sex. The only consequence of their actions is the result they want i.e. sex and possibly STD (which is the chance u take). Why should they care that you want a relationship if they don't. Simple you want to use them for a relationship companionship whatever, they want to use you for sex.
    What is immature here is you thinking a guy who is too good for you will stick with you when he has better alternatives. 9 times out of 10 The only guy who will stick with u in a relationship is someone who can't find anyone better. Just like you wouldn't stick with a guy who you thought you could do better than. it really is that simple.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Maybe I am being naive, but at 24, from my own experiences and people i know, I think there are a lot of guys out there who don't technically set out to use a girl for sex but end up doing so. I think there is this whole thing guys experience where they get fascinated with a girl but in fact it is just lust, and once that lust has been satisfied, i.e. they have came, to put it crudely, they are literally hardwired to no longer be sexually interested, or interested at all. By this point, the girl has already developed strong feelings and an attachment to the guy. What do you think of this?
    Yep that's biologically pretty accurate, women can only usually be pregnant to one man a time so she is selective and picks the highest status/power and tries to stick with him.
    Whereas men can impregnate more than one woman, so they don't have time to waste just fertilise as many as possible. Also the female may have slept with another male so there is no point him caring for her as the child may not be his, he should devote his time sowing his seeds to increase chances of offspring.
 
 
 
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