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I'm gay and fancy my flatmate!

Hi everyone,

As in the title really. We've known each other since starting Uni and I've grown to like him more and more ever since. The problem is that he's probably straight (although he probably thinks the same about me) and I'm not sure whether it would be a good idea to come out to him?? I know that if he's a good friend he should take it well, but we're best mates pretty much and I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Any advice? Has anyone 'come out' in these circumstances and been successful??

cheers in advance

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Reply 1

the_mars_volta

Anonymous

The problem is that he's probably straight (although he probably thinks the same about me)

What do you mean by this? does he know you're gay? I've come out to a few people in similar situations. It hasn't worked for me, but I've just been unlucky I guess!

Reply 2

randomgirl

Maybe hint that you are gay? Are you sure that you are gay? Have you thought about coming out before fancying this guy?

Reply 3

generalebriety

I think it'd be telling him you fancy him that'd break you two up, not telling him you're gay (assuming you're good friends). Most people I know know I'm gay, some of them I've fancied; whether they take it well or not depends on what kind of person they are, not on whether I fancy them or not, because if they're straight I simply don't tell them.

Reply 4

veggie4life

if you tell him you like him you are going to make it the most awkward experience of your life. Gay striaght fantasies never work. He's not into guys and your just going to have to accept that. If this is going to become a serious issue for you i'd actually suggest moving out in order to save the friendship.

Reply 5

dh00001

telling him your gay should be fine if hes a good friend but telling him you fancy him staright off might be abit awkward for some.

Reply 6

Usar

I think you should tell him you're gay. Not that you fancy him yet.

BTW, why do people ask "are you sure you're gay?" It's not exactly rocket science. If he fancies his male roommate he's quite clearly not straight is he?

Reply 7

SolInvictus

Be honest with him. Heck, I think most of us would be extremely flattered if we were chosen to be one the the first people a really close mate chose to come out to.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

don't, trust me on this. ruined one of my best friendships this way. In fairness, he was hot as ****

Reply 9

Angelil

I agree with those who have said that you should come out first before you even consider making a move. How your flatmates react to you coming out will be telling enough in itself, perhaps.

Reply 10

v2006

this dude at my workplace is proud of being gay, always sends out mail to everyone about gay events and gay carols LOL

^LOL, love it!!!

If you tell him you're gay, and he is as well it's highly likely that he'll tell you he is also. If he isn't and he's mature he'll be fine with it. If there is tension then it's his insecurities which there isn't alot you can do about. It's a gamble you'll have to take.

Reply 13

Psyk

Telling him you're gay really shouldn't be a problem unless there's something wrong with him. I wouldn't tell him you fancy him though, if he's straight no good can come of it. You'd have to make sure he's open to the idea of homosexual relationships before making a move like that.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Thanks for all your responses. The consensus seems to be that it is best to let him know I'm gay but not that I fancy him. The problem is that he might twig.

I've actually been waiting hoping that I will find some kind of "smoking gun" that tells me he's gay, but so far nothing. However, at the same time, I've found nothing that indicates he's straight, so this feeds my curiosity.

We're going away together soon, just the two of us. I guess this wouldn't be the best time to come out to him?!

Reply 15

Eien

Why not try to gauge whether he is straight or not, perhaps if the conversation turns to any kind of love interest, or whatever.

Reply 16

Nalced

don't tell. He might freak out or something. But if hes a real good friend, he might not mind.

Reply 17

marcelbandur

A friend of mine, who's gay wasn't sure whether his classmate was gay or not. My friend fancied him so bad that eventually he told him and the response was that his classmate was straight. However two days after this, that guy came to him and said that actually he is gay, but due to the first shock of asking he said he wasn't. Now they are in a relationship. So my advice to you is that you should try cuz you never know.... :smile:

Reply 18

NickEM

My advice would be to ignore that! (Haha, sorry!)

Most guys wouldn't respond well to their male friend proclaiming their love. Trust me on this one! Find out about his orientation first.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Again thanks for all your replies.

The problem is that the whole experience is extremely stressful because as long as there's a chance he's gay, my heart can't drop it, even though my head knows that would be best.

Anyone any ideas on finding out whether he's gay without having to ask?