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Is this guy leading me on?

So this guy only ever talks to me when he needs help on an assignment. I say yes every time and help him because I feel bad if I say no. I'm a natural people-pleaser, but I never knew I was that bad of a people-pleaser until I met this guy. (at least I now know i have something to work on in terms of self-development lmao) He has asked me to hang out several times, but never follows through. It's sort of like he asks me, "wanna go to the movies?" or something, I say "sure", then nothing happens. Or "I'll call you tomorrow", then nothing. I also notice that when he needs help, I'm quick to respond, but when I ask for something, he delays it by saying how busy he is.

So naturally one would assume he's taking advantage of me. A smart person would cut him out of their life, right? But the problem is I sort of like him because I've got to know him pretty well. But despite that, I still feel taken advantage of.

Thoughts??
Wow, I'm sorry you are experiencing this because I've had a similar experience in the past. You see how you'd like it to be in your mind and are hopeful every time he contacts you but he doesn't change his behavior towards you.

Based on my own personal experience I'd say that he is not going end up being the guy you'd hoped he would be. You have already figured it out - you are, most likely, being used by him. He may not be so calculating that he realizes he is using you but there is a very real chance that he totally knows what he's doing. He gets a free service (help on an assignment) and feels good that the pressure is off of him and he resumes his normal life...... until the next assignment.

I would highly suggest that you not be available to help next time. You can be "busy" too and as a people pleaser believe me I know it is hard to say no and not help a 'friend' (or anyone) out but as you are learning some people will just take advantage of your natural kindness. You need to be kind to yourself and show yourself respect. If he's not followed through on multiple occasions with you for something social and is too busy for you when you ask this is not an equitable friendship. I know you kinda like him but perhaps he needs to see that you in-fact are not a 'doormat' and you will not be around just to help him with assignments.

I absolutely would not help him any further with exams coming up if you are in uni. Then once classes resume after the holidays if he asks again and you want to help him then do so and just sit back and see what happens after that. Does he follow through and ask you to do something..... then ask him.... and if he is too busy then put a permanent end to the (false) friendship. Of course if he follows through socially you can always reevaluate the situation. Good Luck!
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
So this guy only ever talks to me when he needs help on an assignment. I say yes every time and help him because I feel bad if I say no. I'm a natural people-pleaser, but I never knew I was that bad of a people-pleaser until I met this guy. (at least I now know i have something to work on in terms of self-development lmao) He has asked me to hang out several times, but never follows through. It's sort of like he asks me, "wanna go to the movies?" or something, I say "sure", then nothing happens. Or "I'll call you tomorrow", then nothing. I also notice that when he needs help, I'm quick to respond, but when I ask for something, he delays it by saying how busy he is.

So naturally one would assume he's taking advantage of me. A smart person would cut him out of their life, right? But the problem is I sort of like him because I've got to know him pretty well. But despite that, I still feel taken advantage of.

Thoughts??


He's using you. I'd probably start distancing myself from him. Don't think you need such selfish people in your life. These are the same kind of people who'd forget you when you're down in life!
Reply 3
Wow I feel really stupid now.

If he doesn't follow through on any of our plans, then the day before school I'm going to call him up and end things. I'm imagining it now, and it's going to make me feel so much better.

I guess the lesson here is that kindness can be a curse, and I shouldn't be so eager to help anyone next time.
Original post by Anonymous
Wow I feel really stupid now.

If he doesn't follow through on any of our plans, then the day before school I'm going to call him up and end things. I'm imagining it now, and it's going to make me feel so much better.

I guess the lesson here is that kindness can be a curse, and I shouldn't be so eager to help anyone next time.


Very true! Hope it works out.
Original post by Anonymous
Wow I feel really stupid now.

If he doesn't follow through on any of our plans, then the day before school I'm going to call him up and end things. I'm imagining it now, and it's going to make me feel so much better.

I guess the lesson here is that kindness can be a curse, and I shouldn't be so eager to help anyone next time.


On the other hand , still be eager to help people out but don't expect much in return

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