Dad threatening to call police because I would rather spend Christmas with my gf
So a few months ago, my dad asked if i wanted to go to my cousins wedding in Ireland just after Christmas. He said it would be 2 days (28th, 29th). Since then me and my gf have wanted to spend more time together (she lives 2 hour train away from me), and when my mum told me she wanted to go to America for Christmas to see her family, and I probably couldn't come (i didn't mind anyway) I realised i could spend my first christmas away from my family. I get out of school on the 15th and have a train ticket for the 16th.
However, the last time she came down to where I live, both my parents caused a huge argument both trying to control me and pull me around, until eventually my dad kicked me out of his house, and I refused to stay at my mum's (she had been blackmailing my dad against me and lying to me, ruining half our holiday). On a phone call, while trying to talk to my dad about the situation (he was drunk as usual so not the best idea, but i had no choice), he ended up getting very angry and saying he would rip my head off and that i should sleep in the streets and he doesn't care.
Now he wants me to come to his for christmas and for the wedding which is actually 5 days (27th-2nd). Firstly, i don't like my Irish family (I lost respect when they support my dads choice of leaving my mum and refused to listen to what i had to say about him just because he's their family). Secondly, if i go the wedding, i have to leave my gf on the 24th (Christmas Eve!!!) and get less than half the time i would (a big deal since we don't get much time together). Thirdly, he was horrible and threatening to me previously and has not contacted my gf's parents saying that he will call the police if do not return on the 24th, so why would i want to spend time with him? He has previously been physically and (extremely) verbally abusive, and has caused me to self-harm.
I have done a lot of research and found that i am not legally obliged to stay at home if I am 16 or over (i am) and that you can not report a missing child unless you do not know their whereabouts, do not have communication with them, or do not know their state of living (e.g dead/alive). I have tried repeatedly to talk to my mum and dad (who are separated btw) and neither will budge on their opinions no matter how many points i make and how many of they points are rubbish.
At this point I am currently going to have to go to my gf, and not come back until my original planned date (2nd), completely ignoring my parents. The main problem is the police threat. It's stressing out my gf and her family which my parents have done before, and im really scared im causing them too much trouble. I'm considering either myself or telling my gf family to call the police and report harrassment, or at least talking to them about the situation, but im worried that will only cause more stress. My dad seems to want to continuously ruing my holidays and any chance i have to spend time with my gf, since ive recently started to actually want to be independent and not just a puppet for my parents.
One last thing that I've considered is moving out to her house, and switching colleges to the one she goes to. She has a big room we can share, and when I'm at her house I cook and clean my own clothes and even try to tidy their kitchen etc. And I would be willing to get a job and contribute to bills (I'm currently building my skills in programming and computing and I have a contact who said I could have a summer job or part time job soon if i learn C++). However this is terrifying to think about as up until the past few months, my relationship with my mum has been okay and I've been trying to maintain one with my dad, so leaving home and making such a big choice is very scary.
I have no idea what to do about this, do I call the police? do I leave home? It's crazy to think matters have escalated to this point all because i want to spend time with my girlfriend. My parents are just very controlling (especially my dad- neurotic, power freak whereas my mum just gets emotional). I know this is a long post but i needed to ask for help just for my sake. Any responses would be incredibly appreciated, and thank you so much to anyone who reads this. I'm sure i could go on much more, but I've tried to keep it to important details. Thanks again for reading!
However, the last time she came down to where I live, both my parents caused a huge argument both trying to control me and pull me around, until eventually my dad kicked me out of his house, and I refused to stay at my mum's (she had been blackmailing my dad against me and lying to me, ruining half our holiday). On a phone call, while trying to talk to my dad about the situation (he was drunk as usual so not the best idea, but i had no choice), he ended up getting very angry and saying he would rip my head off and that i should sleep in the streets and he doesn't care.
Now he wants me to come to his for christmas and for the wedding which is actually 5 days (27th-2nd). Firstly, i don't like my Irish family (I lost respect when they support my dads choice of leaving my mum and refused to listen to what i had to say about him just because he's their family). Secondly, if i go the wedding, i have to leave my gf on the 24th (Christmas Eve!!!) and get less than half the time i would (a big deal since we don't get much time together). Thirdly, he was horrible and threatening to me previously and has not contacted my gf's parents saying that he will call the police if do not return on the 24th, so why would i want to spend time with him? He has previously been physically and (extremely) verbally abusive, and has caused me to self-harm.
I have done a lot of research and found that i am not legally obliged to stay at home if I am 16 or over (i am) and that you can not report a missing child unless you do not know their whereabouts, do not have communication with them, or do not know their state of living (e.g dead/alive). I have tried repeatedly to talk to my mum and dad (who are separated btw) and neither will budge on their opinions no matter how many points i make and how many of they points are rubbish.
At this point I am currently going to have to go to my gf, and not come back until my original planned date (2nd), completely ignoring my parents. The main problem is the police threat. It's stressing out my gf and her family which my parents have done before, and im really scared im causing them too much trouble. I'm considering either myself or telling my gf family to call the police and report harrassment, or at least talking to them about the situation, but im worried that will only cause more stress. My dad seems to want to continuously ruing my holidays and any chance i have to spend time with my gf, since ive recently started to actually want to be independent and not just a puppet for my parents.
One last thing that I've considered is moving out to her house, and switching colleges to the one she goes to. She has a big room we can share, and when I'm at her house I cook and clean my own clothes and even try to tidy their kitchen etc. And I would be willing to get a job and contribute to bills (I'm currently building my skills in programming and computing and I have a contact who said I could have a summer job or part time job soon if i learn C++). However this is terrifying to think about as up until the past few months, my relationship with my mum has been okay and I've been trying to maintain one with my dad, so leaving home and making such a big choice is very scary.
I have no idea what to do about this, do I call the police? do I leave home? It's crazy to think matters have escalated to this point all because i want to spend time with my girlfriend. My parents are just very controlling (especially my dad- neurotic, power freak whereas my mum just gets emotional). I know this is a long post but i needed to ask for help just for my sake. Any responses would be incredibly appreciated, and thank you so much to anyone who reads this. I'm sure i could go on much more, but I've tried to keep it to important details. Thanks again for reading!
Original post by Anonymous
So a few months ago, my dad asked if i wanted to go to my cousins wedding in Ireland just after Christmas. He said it would be 2 days (28th, 29th). Since then me and my gf have wanted to spend more time together (she lives 2 hour train away from me), and when my mum told me she wanted to go to America for Christmas to see her family, and I probably couldn't come (i didn't mind anyway) I realised i could spend my first christmas away from my family. I get out of school on the 15th and have a train ticket for the 16th.
However, the last time she came down to where I live, both my parents caused a huge argument both trying to control me and pull me around, until eventually my dad kicked me out of his house, and I refused to stay at my mum's (she had been blackmailing my dad against me and lying to me, ruining half our holiday). On a phone call, while trying to talk to my dad about the situation (he was drunk as usual so not the best idea, but i had no choice), he ended up getting very angry and saying he would rip my head off and that i should sleep in the streets and he doesn't care.
Now he wants me to come to his for christmas and for the wedding which is actually 5 days (27th-2nd). Firstly, i don't like my Irish family (I lost respect when they support my dads choice of leaving my mum and refused to listen to what i had to say about him just because he's their family). Secondly, if i go the wedding, i have to leave my gf on the 24th (Christmas Eve!!!) and get less than half the time i would (a big deal since we don't get much time together). Thirdly, he was horrible and threatening to me previously and has not contacted my gf's parents saying that he will call the police if do not return on the 24th, so why would i want to spend time with him? He has previously been physically and (extremely) verbally abusive, and has caused me to self-harm.
I have done a lot of research and found that i am not legally obliged to stay at home if I am 16 or over (i am) and that you can not report a missing child unless you do not know their whereabouts, do not have communication with them, or do not know their state of living (e.g dead/alive). I have tried repeatedly to talk to my mum and dad (who are separated btw) and neither will budge on their opinions no matter how many points i make and how many of they points are rubbish.
At this point I am currently going to have to go to my gf, and not come back until my original planned date (2nd), completely ignoring my parents. The main problem is the police threat. It's stressing out my gf and her family which my parents have done before, and im really scared im causing them too much trouble. I'm considering either myself or telling my gf family to call the police and report harrassment, or at least talking to them about the situation, but im worried that will only cause more stress. My dad seems to want to continuously ruing my holidays and any chance i have to spend time with my gf, since ive recently started to actually want to be independent and not just a puppet for my parents.
One last thing that I've considered is moving out to her house, and switching colleges to the one she goes to. She has a big room we can share, and when I'm at her house I cook and clean my own clothes and even try to tidy their kitchen etc. And I would be willing to get a job and contribute to bills (I'm currently building my skills in programming and computing and I have a contact who said I could have a summer job or part time job soon if i learn C++). However this is terrifying to think about as up until the past few months, my relationship with my mum has been okay and I've been trying to maintain one with my dad, so leaving home and making such a big choice is very scary.
I have no idea what to do about this, do I call the police? do I leave home? It's crazy to think matters have escalated to this point all because i want to spend time with my girlfriend. My parents are just very controlling (especially my dad- neurotic, power freak whereas my mum just gets emotional). I know this is a long post but i needed to ask for help just for my sake. Any responses would be incredibly appreciated, and thank you so much to anyone who reads this. I'm sure i could go on much more, but I've tried to keep it to important details. Thanks again for reading!
However, the last time she came down to where I live, both my parents caused a huge argument both trying to control me and pull me around, until eventually my dad kicked me out of his house, and I refused to stay at my mum's (she had been blackmailing my dad against me and lying to me, ruining half our holiday). On a phone call, while trying to talk to my dad about the situation (he was drunk as usual so not the best idea, but i had no choice), he ended up getting very angry and saying he would rip my head off and that i should sleep in the streets and he doesn't care.
Now he wants me to come to his for christmas and for the wedding which is actually 5 days (27th-2nd). Firstly, i don't like my Irish family (I lost respect when they support my dads choice of leaving my mum and refused to listen to what i had to say about him just because he's their family). Secondly, if i go the wedding, i have to leave my gf on the 24th (Christmas Eve!!!) and get less than half the time i would (a big deal since we don't get much time together). Thirdly, he was horrible and threatening to me previously and has not contacted my gf's parents saying that he will call the police if do not return on the 24th, so why would i want to spend time with him? He has previously been physically and (extremely) verbally abusive, and has caused me to self-harm.
I have done a lot of research and found that i am not legally obliged to stay at home if I am 16 or over (i am) and that you can not report a missing child unless you do not know their whereabouts, do not have communication with them, or do not know their state of living (e.g dead/alive). I have tried repeatedly to talk to my mum and dad (who are separated btw) and neither will budge on their opinions no matter how many points i make and how many of they points are rubbish.
At this point I am currently going to have to go to my gf, and not come back until my original planned date (2nd), completely ignoring my parents. The main problem is the police threat. It's stressing out my gf and her family which my parents have done before, and im really scared im causing them too much trouble. I'm considering either myself or telling my gf family to call the police and report harrassment, or at least talking to them about the situation, but im worried that will only cause more stress. My dad seems to want to continuously ruing my holidays and any chance i have to spend time with my gf, since ive recently started to actually want to be independent and not just a puppet for my parents.
One last thing that I've considered is moving out to her house, and switching colleges to the one she goes to. She has a big room we can share, and when I'm at her house I cook and clean my own clothes and even try to tidy their kitchen etc. And I would be willing to get a job and contribute to bills (I'm currently building my skills in programming and computing and I have a contact who said I could have a summer job or part time job soon if i learn C++). However this is terrifying to think about as up until the past few months, my relationship with my mum has been okay and I've been trying to maintain one with my dad, so leaving home and making such a big choice is very scary.
I have no idea what to do about this, do I call the police? do I leave home? It's crazy to think matters have escalated to this point all because i want to spend time with my girlfriend. My parents are just very controlling (especially my dad- neurotic, power freak whereas my mum just gets emotional). I know this is a long post but i needed to ask for help just for my sake. Any responses would be incredibly appreciated, and thank you so much to anyone who reads this. I'm sure i could go on much more, but I've tried to keep it to important details. Thanks again for reading!
You should really call childline as talking in person lets you get it all out plus its a lot easier to advise the other way.
You can either do as they say. let it go in one ear and out the other. Stick it out till you get to uni. That way you have a roof over your head.
Will your mum let you stay home alone instead of having to go to your dads? Neighbour or family friend keep an eye on you?
Alternatively just go to your dads and avoid an argument.
You can see your gf another time.
Alternatively you can make it an issue with your dad and have a massive argument and he can kick you out.
You can leave home at 16, but you still have to stay in education or training. If you wnat to do this then I would talk to social services. You should also talk to your local police station yourself and tell them you are safe but have decided to leave home as is your right. Because you are under 18 then social services will have to help you.
Your parents will go ballistic and either disown you, make you homeless and maybe never speak to you again. thats how adults work. they sound like rubbish parents, but they provide a roof.
Its a gamble if you are relying on your gf because relationships dont last. Think very carefully before you do this.
If you contact both a social worker and police, then when he calls them they will ignore him as you will already have spoken to them.
The choice is yours , but think carefully before you make things go nuclear. the better time imo us when you go to uni.
http://www.themix.org.uk/housing/housing-problems/im-16-can-i-legally-move-out-of-my-parents-8069.html
https://www.gov.uk/your-rights-to-housing-if-youre-under-18
I'd advise against moving into her family home at such a young age. It's not her house to begin with, it's her parents, so asking to live in their house is a huge deal to begin with. Also living with someone is very, very different from just dating them, added to the fact that you want to attend the same college as her means you'll be spending a lot time together, which isn't healthy. Until you get a job, you won't be contributing to their household bills either and I know you say you'd get one, you've got to balance your college work as well. I know if my partner's daughter asked for her girlfriend to move in, I'd be firmly against it unless her situation was really dire.
Echoing the above posters, I'd speak to a trust adult or professional. It's clearly not safe for you to stay with your dad when he's so abusive, it sounds like it would be less of a strain on everyone involved if you were to stay with your mum. Putting things into perspective, it's only one year you won't be spending Christmas together, it's really not that bad.
Echoing the above posters, I'd speak to a trust adult or professional. It's clearly not safe for you to stay with your dad when he's so abusive, it sounds like it would be less of a strain on everyone involved if you were to stay with your mum. Putting things into perspective, it's only one year you won't be spending Christmas together, it's really not that bad.
(edited 6 years ago)
don't move in with her parents - its a disaster waiting to happen.
My honest advice is, suck it up and wait a bit longer. Your over 16 - that means university is very very close now. So just put up with your parents crap for a bit more until you can leave properly.
As for this Christmas though, that's a bit harder.. I honestly can see both sides, and I don't think either is a good option, but if I had to choose, I would probably say (looking at the negatives) that not seeing your girlfriend for a few days, is not as bad as the stress/problems you could cause by leaving your dad.
My honest advice is, suck it up and wait a bit longer. Your over 16 - that means university is very very close now. So just put up with your parents crap for a bit more until you can leave properly.
As for this Christmas though, that's a bit harder.. I honestly can see both sides, and I don't think either is a good option, but if I had to choose, I would probably say (looking at the negatives) that not seeing your girlfriend for a few days, is not as bad as the stress/problems you could cause by leaving your dad.
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