The Student Room Group

Reality Check for Delusional Students

I want to put this out there. I come from a single parent self-employed household with a low income. Gross revenue £25k, profit - cashflow = £5k.

I also have been dealt a very challenging set of cards in regard having to grow up and take a degree of responsibility of household affairs due to an unstable and insecure mother lacking the tools to live independently and raise her children.

It's resulted in me having to tolerate her countless short term relationships with 'men' and put my feelings aside.

It resulted in me having a period of suicidal depression aged 12-13 before moving schools. This was me needing parental attention due to the traumatic divorce aged 6/7. I witnessed several attempts of relationships by my mother all of which failed.

Then I had a nervous breakdown at 18 when her most recent 'lover' moved in. He was a complete nut job with 2 previous children and loss of guardianship of one. Always up for a laugh, never one to sit down and act like a man. I was taking my A levels and mysteriously came down with an extreme case of glandular fever and post viral fatigue which has never really gone away and has stopped me enjoying life completely.

I couldn't take any exams and attempted to retake the year, with no joy. All while an apparent suicidal, unstable and financially bankrupt individual was living at home with my equally unstable and financially broke mother - trying to pay school fees.

Tensions had been growing since he moved in and whilst growing up - more able to see through the ********.

My only route out of the abusive and often violent and traumatic experience of home was university. I had tried apprenticeships, applying for jobs and received interviews etc but had to settle with donations through freelance work.

Now I'm at university after an incident at home where I was defending my right to a safe and secure home with my mother and younger brother. He thinks he's won now and can treat my home as his. He is wrong. I will take him out through the legal system for what he's done to me and my brother.

Of my £9699 maintenance loan, £7320 was on halls as I did not want to move into private house with strangers. Rightfully so I chose a studio room as I need my own space to recover. Leaving me with £2379 per annum for everything else. I've spend around £200 on everything I need in my room like cookware, storage containers etc. and made sure it's going to last and not some cheap **** people throw away.

Now I don't value getting 'pissed' or spending money on material trash. I consume as least as possible for the maximum benefit. I don't drink, go out clubbing or have any entertainment, I instead choose to spend it investing in myself and my future but also because I wouldn't be able to afford the essentials if I did piss it away.

I have great potential in my field and will not let my inherited familial situation define my future success.

What are your views on my situation? Can you understand how important parents are to the health and wellbeing or a Nation? And how easy it is for people to make very damaging choices about how they live their lives.
First and foremost I’m so glad to hear that you’re sensible and well driven in terms of your decision making and future thoughts. It is of course key to the whole situation that you stay grounded and put your best foot forward always, giving yourself the best chance possible when it comes to your future and it’s associated commitments!

Secondly, I can relate in some cases to your situation! I have gone to university as a release from my own home life where I live with a single mother, who is unemployed through disability (both mental and physical). Gross income to the household around £12k. So I have had to grow up at a very young age and take on considerable responsibility regarding household tasks. As in from NI our course fees and accommodation are quite a bit lower than your quoted figures however the student loans company also recognises this and lowers their loans. I’m on the maximum loan and grant and I receive £6400 per year. Around £4000 of this is spent on rent! I share a house with two other fellas, one of whom I met at university and the other is the brother of one of my close friends from home so that works out well!

The key aspect of what I see here is that your potential far outweighs the detriment within your situation. I would be focusing on working hard at university to really strive and achieve everything you can. This will in turn develop your position as a societal member and within your own household situation and perhaps people will pay a little more attention to your opinions and values on the whole situation! I certainly hope you manage to drag this man through the legal system and find the justice you so deserve because the way it has all gone for you is absolutely atrocious! I hope you can keep a strong head and maintain your strength throughout the fight as I’m sure the fight will be long and arduous but just know (as I’m sure you do) it’s all for the right reasons, and the outcome is that you can return to a family setting and repair bonds where you deserve.
Reply 2
Avatar for Napp
Napp
22
Might one inquire what the title is alluding to with the 'delusional students' remark?
May I ask what your chosen field is, also any hobbies you may have that you invest yourself in?

Rightly so, you have determinedly pursued your education and career despite adverse complications conspiring against you; I just want to urge you to think of your health amongst all this: take some time for you - it doesn't have to be expensive (a walk will do!). I've found personally - and it has been found numerous times through studies - that exercise is the most effective combatant for depression, and never fails to bring dopamine levels up. Please make sure you are drinking enough water, too!
Original post by Daveboi115
First and foremost I’m so glad to hear that you’re sensible and well driven in terms of your decision making and future thoughts. It is of course key to the whole situation that you stay grounded and put your best foot forward always, giving yourself the best chance possible when it comes to your future and it’s associated commitments!

Secondly, I can relate in some cases to your situation! I have gone to university as a release from my own home life where I live with a single mother, who is unemployed through disability (both mental and physical). Gross income to the household around £12k. So I have had to grow up at a very young age and take on considerable responsibility regarding household tasks. As in from NI our course fees and accommodation are quite a bit lower than your quoted figures however the student loans company also recognises this and lowers their loans. I’m on the maximum loan and grant and I receive £6400 per year. Around £4000 of this is spent on rent! I share a house with two other fellas, one of whom I met at university and the other is the brother of one of my close friends from home so that works out well!

The key aspect of what I see here is that your potential far outweighs the detriment within your situation. I would be focusing on working hard at university to really strive and achieve everything you can. This will in turn develop your position as a societal member and within your own household situation and perhaps people will pay a little more attention to your opinions and values on the whole situation! I certainly hope you manage to drag this man through the legal system and find the justice you so deserve because the way it has all gone for you is absolutely atrocious! I hope you can keep a strong head and maintain your strength throughout the fight as I’m sure the fight will be long and arduous but just know (as I’m sure you do) it’s all for the right reasons, and the outcome is that you can return to a family setting and repair bonds where you deserve.


Well I've only just logged in to get some advice on moving back to uni. Thanks for this great reply. Means a lot to be able to share personal experiences on here.
Original post by Napp
Might one inquire what the title is alluding to with the 'delusional students' remark?


I have absolutely no idea. I think I was going off on one about how university is a complete waste of time. I now have had time to reflect on my situation and realise I wasn't thinking straight, probably due to the trauma.
Original post by Kira Carmichael
May I ask what your chosen field is, also any hobbies you may have that you invest yourself in?

Rightly so, you have determinedly pursued your education and career despite adverse complications conspiring against you; I just want to urge you to think of your health amongst all this: take some time for you - it doesn't have to be expensive (a walk will do!). I've found personally - and it has been found numerous times through studies - that exercise is the most effective combatant for depression, and never fails to bring dopamine levels up. Please make sure you are drinking enough water, too!


Hi Kira, it's cyber security the work I'm getting into. I decided that after securing at interview with GCHQ in 2014 I'd focus on it and build a company around it. Now called Lucis Digital. I found walking to be great. I'd just go on long walks around Cheltenham.

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