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my friends fancy me, other guys don't - frustrating!

i'm quite girly, but I'm not a girls girl at all, so most of my friends are guys, particularly my good friends. now, I don't flirt with them at all, we just hang out, have fun, and have our serious moments as well askign for advice etc. - basicaly just normal friendships.

BUT I always find out at some point or other that they really like me as more than just friends, but I don't understand why. One or two could devlop feelings for me, and it would be ok, these htings happen, but it is practically all of them!

It's not even like I'm anything special... I'm not particularlly attractive ( a 5 - just normal), a bit too round :frown:, don't have an amazing personality and just basically I'm not the type of person people fall for!

when i go out either dancing, or just out with friends to meet new people and have fun etc. no guys are ever interested in me, and I get completely ovberlooked whilst my friends are the complete opposite...

why is it that friends always fall for me, but guys in general just don't? As bad as it sounds, it would be nice every now and again to go out and have guys actually interested, get a hpone number or two or whatever... but no, it's just always my friends? I don't understand it at all....

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Reply 1
Maybe it's a good thing; you're being fancied for something more than your looks.
All men really want is a girl who they can talk to, have fun with, be jokey with, share advice etc.

You fit the criteria.

Oh! And you must have a wonderful personality if the guys favour you. :wink:
Hehe, it just shows that you have a good personality, which tbh most normal and sensible people dig heaps anyway - so I wouldn't worry :-)

It's because your friends like you for who you are, wish mine would be like that :rolleyes: Atm I feel like some kind of library, with them borrowing CDs, books and stuff and taking an age to return them (not close friends obviously, just the associates).

Hope that helps somewhat, and enjoy the rest of your day,

DBx

P.S> Jewel! How's it going buddy?! :biggrin: Haven't seen you on here for ages, hope all is well :hugs:
Reply 4
and whats wrong with that? some guys go for something more than just how hot this random girl looks like in X-club

you think too little of ur self
Reply 5
AJ - I don't like it because they're my friends, my best friends. it makes me wonder, are you actually my friend? or are you just here because you want something? :frown: i value my friendships *a lot* - the thought that my friendships aren't what I think they are, well, it's kinda of upsetting.
Reply 6
If you're their only female friend (or one of very few) then to them you're one of few available females regularly in close proximity. This might make you seem more attractive to them as you're not exactly a stranger with whom to perform some awkward ice-breaking ritual. That is, there's the sense that it's easier to get with you, and more comfortable, natural. Also, girls who befriend guys easily tend to be more effervescent, and thus more attractive.

(Psst, Danni :biggrin: let's not hijack :ninja:)
Reply 7
thank you for the kind words everyone, but that's the thing, I don't have an amazing personality, maybe that's why i don't understand it - if i was one of these people that has everyone tripping over them, then i could probably understand it, but i've never been popular with guys...

and please don't say it's my self confidence or whatever - ive had a few horrible experience isn the past with people who i thought were my best friends ditching me because i was this, that and the other- no fun, too quiet etc.
Drop caution to the wind my friend :wink:

I'm at the work comps so can't talk for long, but anyway OP pls try to believe in yourself - I'm sure you're a lot greater than you think :wink:
Reply 9
i dont see anything wrong with a friend wanting to become something more, maybe they see potential that others dont give? when i see a chance for something great i go for it, just so i dont regret the possible 'what if' that will eat me up.

about the friendship part, well it differs really.. both types exist so... ones that are in for the 'goods' others just friends.. thats something everyone goes through :/

another perspective... its an amazing ego boost! haha
Reply 10
Juwel
If you're their only female friend (or one of very few) then to them you're one of few available females regularly in close proximity. This might make you seem more attractive to them as you're not exactly a stranger with whom to perform some awkward ice-breaking ritual. That is, there's the sense that it's easier to get with you, and more comfortable, natural. Also, girls who befriend guys easily tend to be more effervescent, and thus more attractive.

(Psst, Danni :biggrin: let's not hijack :ninja:)


that would make a lot of sense - i never thought of it like that before, but yeh that makes a lot of sense!

(but i dont know what effervescent means :frown: i googled it, and it was talking about fizzy wine...? :s-smilie: but basically, im friends with guys simply because i dont really like girls - too bitchy etc. (of ocurse not saying all girls are bitchy!) and just i don't know, i just generally find it hard to relax around girls and just have fun...
Reply 11
Anonymous
that would make a lot of sense - i never thought of it like that before, but yeh that makes a lot of sense!

(but i dont know what effervescent means :frown: i googled it, and it was talking about fizzy wine...? :s-smilie: but basically, im friends with guys simply because i dont really like girls - too bitchy etc. (of ocurse not saying all girls are bitchy!) and just i don't know, i just generally find it hard to relax around girls and just have fun...


I'm the same, I attract friends, and rarely strangers, well strangers that aren't weird lol. I like it though, as I'm able to let them down but keep things normal, not quite sure how though or I'd tell you... but its also very flattering.

I think you should be flattered that people that are so close to you, that know you so well think youre so amazing they risked their friendship with you to tell you how they feel. You must be awesome :smile: Dont put yourself down so much. They have reason to like you, think about that.

Oh and effervescent..fizzy liquids = bubbly :smile:

EDIT: Oh and you never know, one of these friends could be a potential bf? So dont moan too much ;] heehee
I get into this situation a lot - and I completely understand where the OP is getting frustrated here.

You make friends with guys and then oh they think I know SHE's a girl - ok I got it sussed. And you just wonder if I wasn't me, and if I was someone else, you'd probably do the same wouldn't you?

OK truth is you just have to be honest with them. Don't take any crap (just come back from a converstation telling someone the same thing - friends is as much as they're going to get, no more melodrama, no more cryptic messages, nothing)

As long as they know where they stand, you can't feel bad. Either they'll buck up their ideas and realise what a great friend they have or they'll back off and you'll not hear much from them. I know that's harsh but at 21 I've let one too many inappropriatr comment slide and it always ends up with people getting hurt or confused. Gah!

The other guys will happen. I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm assuming you're a little younger than me. It gets to a point where guys start looking for more than the typical pull. And it's always nice to be told 'wow you have such a nice personality'- because being friends with blokes certainly helps you with that and makes the whole dating thing less daunting.

I don't know what other advice to offer other than be batient, and be honest. All will then settle into place in due course :smile:
Reply 13
Anonymous
that would make a lot of sense - i never thought of it like that before, but yeh that makes a lot of sense!

(but i dont know what effervescent means :frown: i googled it, and it was talking about fizzy wine...? :s-smilie: but basically, im friends with guys simply because i dont really like girls - too bitchy etc. (of ocurse not saying all girls are bitchy!) and just i don't know, i just generally find it hard to relax around girls and just have fun...

Effervescent = bubbly.

Guys know what's up; they know girls tend to be bitchy when with one another. Particularly in such cliquey atmospheres as schools and colleges. Again, you're probably more appealing to your male friends as you're not like most of the girls they experience with the bitchiness and such.
Reply 14
FreeBird

I think you should be flattered that people that are so close to you, that know you so well think youre so amazing they risked their friendship with you to tell you how they feel. You must be awesome :smile: Dont put yourself down so much. They have reason to like you, think about that.

Oh and effervescent..fizzy liquids = bubbly :smile:

EDIT: Oh and you never know, one of these friends could be a potential bf? So dont moan too much ;] heehee


ahh ok, I thought so, but I wasn't sure...

yes, it is quite flattering, but it's flattering because it shows someone sees you in such a positive way... well, then why do normal other guys not? it confuses and frustrates me and its just...ahh, i don't know :frown:

oh, and no, most of them don't tell me, i find out from either mutual friends, or their friends who think i should know... one or two have told me themselves, and yes, it must take a lot of courage to do that and I do recognise that.

ah i'm trying not to moan lol! i know there are probably a lot of girls out there who woud like to get that attention from friends, but I'm just one of those people who love my friends as they are...
Reply 15
Juwel
Effervescent = bubbly.

Guys know what's up; they know girls tend to be bitchy when with one another. Particularly in such cliquey atmospheres as schools and colleges. Again, you're probably more appealing to your male friends as you're not like most of the girls they experience with the bitchiness and such.


thank you - what you said before and now actually makes so much sense... I've never thought of it like this - thank you! :smile:
Reply 16
Anonymous
ahh ok, I thought so, but I wasn't sure...

yes, it is quite flattering, but it's flattering because it shows someone sees you in such a positive way... well, then why do normal other guys not? it confuses and frustrates me and its just...ahh, i don't know :frown:

oh, and no, most of them don't tell me, i find out from either mutual friends, or their friends who think i should know... one or two have told me themselves, and yes, it must take a lot of courage to do that and I do recognise that.

ah i'm trying not to moan lol! i know there are probably a lot of girls out there who woud like to get that attention from friends, but I'm just one of those people who love my friends as they are...


No, no dont get me wrong, I'm the same. I would much rather be noticed by someone who likes the look of me rather than someone I'm not interested in in that way. I'm just saying there's that chance that you might actually like one back some day.

I can understand with the friend telling you about them liking you, ive had that and it irritates me, especially if the friend didnt want me to know :O I'm like, are you TRYING TO MAKE THINGS AWKWARD?! tsk!

Believe me the other guys will come though :smile:

(bed time for me, so if i dont reply after this...you know why )
Reply 17
How do u know other guys don't fancy you? They may be intimdated by you or anything?

I wouldn't say I have any female friends. I know alot of women but I can see how some guys may warm up to OP after getting to know you. Maybe you are one of a few girls they know and it so happens your a nice girl, a good friend and certainly not ugly.

Sooner or later I am sure someone will coem along and knock your feet off. Just be happy, indepedent, keep your career on track, do the things you need to do in life and things will happen for you.

As for the guys who are stuck in unrequited love? Be pleased that people like you, treat them with respect and be honest with them if you don't feel anything. You can allways hang around less with these guys to let them gentley get over you. Just don't string any of them along.
Reply 18
To quote... erm.... Kanye West, Snoop Dogg or someone like that;

Interviewer ;"Can guys and girls ever be just friends?"
Snoop; "Yes, but only if your minging and we havent had a drink"

You obvisouly do have a good personality even if it takes a while for people to see it. Guys obviosuly think you would be an asset to their lives so take it as a compliment.
From the perspective of a guy on the other side of a similar dilemma, it's probably because you're really nice to them and are (whatever you think) attractive. It's a slightly uncomfortable situation but once you've said 'no' it makes it pretty clear. Guys get infatuated really easily by nice girls, they mightn't get completely over really liking you but they'll stay around because they value your 'niceness' rather than wanting to get a leg over and then move onto the next conquest. Remember it's just as hard for us guys.

You've found the winning formula by accident though, just be equally nice to the people you do want.

Hope that helps,