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Cutting contact with my 'mother'

Right.

I have tried to be reasonable. Tried to be civil and take her abusive messages she sent me over Christmas and NY with a grain of salt, but to be honest I think sometimes that just because someone's a parent, doesn't mean you have to see them - at all.

Basically what I'm trying to get across is that after getting on with my life after years of emotional put-downs and etc, my moving out of home at a young age to live with my dad then myself for the rest of uni, she still has 'ways' of harrasing me.

I'm pretty close to her siblings so this is not a surprise, but do you think there are any way I could stop her from irritating me? For example at Christmas, she somehow found out I spent it with my dad and his family, then called me up to abuse me.

Then she tried to guilt trip me for not going to see her, as if I should be 'ashamed' of myself. I really want to enjoy the rest of my life peacefully without her presense, is this really too much to ask? :/

Thanks x x x

P.S. She has my mobile and takes joy it seems in ringing me up at work.

Reply 1

Thud

17

Your mobile should tell you who's calling you - if you see it's her just let it ring out. She'll get it eventually.

Reply 2

Juwel

18

Sounds like you need to keep well away from this woman, simply for your mental and emotional health. You're under no obligation to have any sort of relationship with anyone, not even your mother. So you could definitely do without her.

Next chance you get, you ought to tell her what's what. Get her to stay out of your life. Use all your favourite swear words. Then go do something that relaxes you.

Reply 3

goodLife

Have you made it clear to your mum that you do not want to have anything to do with her? You could threaten to report her for harrasing you. Hope you get it sorted though.

Reply 4

red_Rose

1

You can get your network provider to block her number (some phones also have this feature) so your phone / network wont allow her to contact you.

Reply 5

Thud

17

Doesn't work with some networks however.

Reply 6

FlyingIsis

1

or just change your number

Reply 7

Jett

Try harder. Get a new mobile number if needs be, get your family to refuse to pass on messages or tell her where you are. Best of all, you tell her! I look forward to the day my younger sister is off to uni and I can finally say to my parents: "**** off, you limey turds! I want nothing more to do with you..." This is going to be a looooong 6 years.

Reply 8

xXMessedUpXx

15

Its possible to cut of contact. i won't go into why i don't speak to my biological dad but in short he's not a very nice person, and will never change. this being why i mad eth choice to cut him out of my life. It was made easier by moving to uni. At first i did just ignore his phone calls, but then he was always texting (reminding me that "i'm you're real dad" or "why are you letting your mum drive a wedge between us" etc). So i changed my number. If my mum comes into contact with any of that side of the family she says nothing about me. He knows i'm at uni in sheffield but that it. He has left me alone. Well aside from teh casrd on my 21st, telling me that if i wanted my present i had to contact him :rolleyes:

Its is hard, i was lucky-i'm an only child. So i'm not sure what to advise where siblings are involved but at the end of the day its your choice.

Reply 9

hannah_dru

2

I'm not sure if its possible but you mightbe able to get a parental divorce? I've wanted to do that with my dad for several years now.

Reply 10

jjeess333

2

i know exactly how u feel... im sick and tired of my mum giving me abuse whenevr shes tired or in a mood.. its like stepping on egg shells around her?

what about writing her a letter? getting all ur feelings on paper

Reply 11

Jennybean

13

I would write her a letter actually. It doesn't have to be massively abusive, in fact you could really try and send her down an emotional guilt trip. Say you're her daughter and you don't understand how any mother could treat their child this way, what could you possibly have done to deserve this, all you wanted was her love and support and to make her happy and feel proud of you etc, really milk it. Then say that now you are an adult you can recognise her behaviour to be totally unacceptable and that you're not going to put up with it any more. Spell out in no uncertain terms that you never want to speak to her again, and remind her that harassment is a criminal offence and if you told the police you could have a restraining order put on her, and that if she continues to send you abusive messages, you will report her.

Then cut her off. Use the advice given by posters above - don't let family members let her know where you are, tell work colleagues not to pass on messages or let you take phonecalls from her, change your mobile number and be incredibly careful about who you give it out to, and most of all don't be tempted to get back in contact with her thinking she might have changed. If she ever really does change, you'll find out about it without getting hurt by her bad behaviour. I know this is incredibly hard and very upsetting but sometimes you have to accept nasty things, and one rather horrible truth is that not every person who has a child is automatically a good person. Parents aren't saints by default, they're just like everybody else and sometimes that means they behave in really awful ways. I'm sorry you've had to go through this and hope you feel better soon without her destructive and abusive behaviour :hugs:

Reply 12

punktopia

3

Tell her you've adopted a new, better mother.

Reply 13

hannah_dru

2

That's not gonna work. That'd start the guilt tripping again.

Reply 14

Christien

ah, just tell her to piss off.

Reply 15

Angrybanana

11

How sad.

Well at least you still have your Dad.

Anyway, if you don't want to talk to her then you won't. If you don't respond she'll have no option but to leave you be.

Reply 16

Opsimathmo

6

Jett

Try harder. Get a new mobile number if needs be, get your family to refuse to pass on messages or tell her where you are. Best of all, you tell her! I look forward to the day my younger sister is off to uni and I can finally say to my parents: "**** off, you limey turds! I want nothing more to do with you..." This is going to be a looooong 6 years.

Cutting contact with my 'mother'

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