Crazy Me - Boyfriend's Mum.

This is one of the stupidest thoughts I've ever had, but it has been eating away at me for a while. Basically my boyfriend's Mum treats him and her other son like kings. She buys them the best clothes she can afford, does my boyfriend's washing and ironing, buys them both PS3 games all the time, and is constantly pampering them with good food. Now, I know this sounds ridiculous and of course I want the best for my boyfriend, but it leaves me in a really tricky corner. This is why:

I love treating my boyfriend as well. I have always been a serial giver. I have bought him little treats such as designer jumpers for work, and taken us out for dinner, but I feel like I just can't compete.

I know it's ridiculous, but part of me feels like it does him no good at all. He lives at home and works, whereas I am an only child at university so I have to fend for myself, and parents aren't by any means full of money so I do it on my own, work all summer etc. I have always done alot of things for myself and always will do. It's the nature of the beast. But when it comes to my boyfriend I feel he is pampered and I don't think it makes things easy for me.

He's the type of boy that rings up his Mum for a lift from the station (which is 5 minutes from his house), and who only eats his Mum's cooking. It makes it so difficult for me when I cook anything - he hardly touches it, and makes comments about it, because his Mum is a superb cook. It's not to say I am jealous, because she's a lovely lady and to be honest, she BUYS me clothes and treats me aswell. She's a brilliant woman and works really hard at work, but I can't help but think I am fighting a losing battle.

My boyfriend has on occasion told me that he HATES it. And I know I'm his girlfriend not his mother, and there's a big difference, but I feel like I need to compete. And I just can't! This is probably the most stupid post on tsr, and believe me I'm not spiteful or anything, but it's just stupid things, like when he visited last weekend, I didn't have any food in, so we agreed to just stick to pizza. And he didn't seem to like it at all, which is fair enough it's only pizza. But then when he got home one of the first things he said to me was how his Mum had cooked him a lovely burger, made herself with all the trimmings. Jeez, am I just being pathetic?

Reply 1

Joanna May

15

It sounds more like a problem with your boyfriend than his mother, to be blunt. He sounds like he needs to grow up and appreciate what you do for him, rather than put you down by making unfair comparisons.

Reply 2

Bilek

Joanna May

It sounds more like a problem with your boyfriend than his mother, to be blunt. He sounds like he needs to grow up and appreciate what you do for him, rather than put you down by making unfair comparisons.

Yep, I definitely agree.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

He doesn't make direct comparisons as such like 'your food is rubbish, my mums is great', but he doesn't seem to appreciate it that much. I'd have to go to M&S and stock up on food which literally cooks itself if he were to even 'like' it. And it bugs me being a student, I have hardly any money for that kind of thing. I guess you like what you like.

Reply 4

Joanna May

15

Anonymous

He doesn't make direct comparisons as such like 'your food is rubbish, my mums is great', but he doesn't seem to appreciate it that much. I'd have to go to M&S and stock up on food which literally cooks itself if he were to even 'like' it. And it bugs me being a student, I have hardly any money for that kind of thing. I guess you like what you like.

Tell him that it upsets you when he's so ungrateful. As a student, he shouldn't take for granted the things you do for him, and he certainly shouldn't criticise them!

Reply 5

Honeyblossom

6

It's a tricky one, but try not to see his mum as competition. Trust me, lots of blokes are pampered by their mums and they get so used to it that sometimes it does feel like you're not good enough. But it's not true. Look at it this way: when he feels fed up with being pampered and having his mum fuss over him, you are there to do what girlfriends are meant to do i.e. treat him as another adult and not someone who needs looking after. After all, you don't want him to think of you as another mum! You can treat him, but I think it's a losing battle if you try to compete with his mum - they always win!

Reply 6

red_Rose

1

My ex's mum was a bit like this, she did everything for him where as i'd looked after myself. It frustrated me as he'd liven a sheltered life and didnt even have a part time job as his parents gave him £100 a month to live off.

Its him that will get a shock when he has to go out into the real world and live on his own etc, why dont you ask him to cook at your place, then at least he'll eat it.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Yes, his parents gave him £100 a month to live off too, whereas I'd always worked since I was legally able to, and even before that I'd babysit. It used to drive me bonkers, not through jealousy but because people need to get real. Now he earns his own money, and pays housekeeping, so it's a bit more realistic for him.
I have told him he has to cook me a meal, because I know I can cook when I try, I don't think he'd pull anything good out of the bag. LOL.

Reply 8

negative_zero

Joanna May

It sounds more like a problem with your boyfriend than his mother, to be blunt. He sounds like he needs to grow up and appreciate what you do for him, rather than put you down by making unfair comparisons.