The Student Room Group

how do i know if....?

Heya. Umm im just posting this because it is something that has been on my mind for quite a while now.

I turned 16 in Novemeber, and just a week before that i had my first kiss.

Im getting to a point now where im meeting boys, & becoming good friends with more people now that i socialise more. But the problem is, i find myself un-comfortable when i think of having a relationship with someone, because im scared of them being ' just after one thing '.

How am i too know if they are ?

I dont believe in having sex with someone straight away in a relationship, i think if they like you enough, then they should be willing to wait.

But then what if i meet someone, and he wants to sleep with me ? even though he isnt just after one thing...or if he wants to sleep with me firly quickly he probably is...?

I've never had a relationship before, so am kinda un-experienced if you know what i mean. So i wouldnt want it to just be a ' one off '

Thanks in advance for any help :biggrin:

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i personally wouldn;t sleep with someone that early on in a realtionship.. and i'm a guy!

if they seem really obsessed with it, and are always talking about it etc... then yes they probably only do want that one thing.

its kinda hard to tell. and if he does want to sleep with you and makes it obvious, tell him to **** off... simple as.
Reply 2
Well, i can understand what you are going through. it happens to most people.

The first thing is to make sure you KNOW the person well, or take your time. it might be primitive advice but it does work in this scenario. Since you wont be that impatient to get things started, if the other person knows you and really does like you, i think they would take their time as well..If they are mostly just after the 'one thing' then they tend to be quite impatient.. but again it does not work all the time..That is why you should pretty much know the person or get to know them.

It can be tough going through such uncertainty but there are times when you need to just follow your gut instinct and just take things as it comes along..I mean no one can really force you into doing something right? just try and be strong :biggrin: (and happy :smile:)
How can you tell? If they start trying it on very quickly, even after you've said you're not ready.
Reply 4
Try only going out with someone who you have a long standing relationship with, know really well and can talk to for hours on end. Nobody is THAT devoted to only getting one thing!
Reply 5
Anonymous
How can you tell? If they start trying it on very quickly, even after you've said you're not ready.

Well this is where you have to try and be mentally strong because as far as i know no one can really force you as such.. so you just have to drill into the person what you think and there is less chance of that happening if you guys kinda know each other.
Reply 6
Not to be too cynical but most guys put sex high up on the list of 'good things'(myself included), so you'll have to be careful. Just make it clear that you want to wait for sex, most guys will scurry off to find it elsewhere.
A lot of men have it as quite a bit of their aim in a woman...say about 1/3 to 1/2 of the relationship! But it's not a really big deal, you'll grow to like it.
I appreciate that you want to wait, and that's why you have to get to know the other 2/3 of the person before you sleep with...

What a load of *******s, that made NO SENSE.
Hope you got my drift anyway
Reply 8
okay, thanks :smile:


Well when i had my first kiss, that night i was texting the guy, and he said to me that he got an erection when he was kissing me ' and he just wanted to take me off to bed '

he was obv just after one thing then wasnt he ?

& also when i first started getting close with him, he said ' i was getting the piss took out of me last night because im still a virgin at 18 '

so do you reckon here he was tying to hint at something ?
Reply 9
Wear a chastity belt. Made of iron.
Reply 10
xxbeckykinsxx

so do you reckon here he was tying to hint at something ?


Well yeah its pretty obvious what he is hinting at ...well tell us about him.. do you know him for a long time? how comfortable do you feel about him, etc? but again it is down to a lot of personal choice .
Reply 11
Well id known him for about 8 weeks or so, firstly we just talked on myspace & msn, then we got closer and started texting & phone calls. We'd seen each other around town before, just not really achknowledged each other as much. So then we arranged to meet up on the saturday before me birthday, the texts were soppy etc etc [ & i completely fell for it :O ]. Then on the saturday i had my first kiss with him, and that was about it really cos i had to go. After that he was still really lovely with me and mentioned asking me out before my 16th birthday, so we agreed to meet up again on the saturday after, but on the thursday before i rang him and we was having a normal conversation, just like before. Then after that he wasnt really in touch. On the saturday of my birthday when i expected to see him, i was in the gardens, turned round, and there he was kissing the face off this girl lol. Havent really talked to him since. :s-smilie: thats about it really.
Reply 12
oh were all after you thing no point hiding it:cool:

just don't feel pressured into doing what you don't want to do.
Men are only ever after one thing tbh. I suggest using a bear trap.
Reply 14
yeah dont feel pressured and if you saw him kissing someone else then obviously he does not realy care about you...the texts at the beginning would be quite nice :smile: but i think you should be quite careful if you dont want to have sex with him.
Reply 15
No im not planning to either, I just wasnt sure whether i was being too paranoid or not..
Reply 16
xxbeckykinsxx
No im not planning to either, I just wasnt sure whether i was being too paranoid or not..

no its not being paranoid at all..at least you know what you want and do not want...so that is quite good...just try to get this person off you since i dont think he wants what you want at all, so good luck anyway
Are you sure it's not just a "Now I'm 16 and legal to have sex guys might start trying it on with me" thing? Cos I noticed that once I turned 16 I had guys pushing way too hard.

Seriously though they're all like that. You will get the occasional one which will pop up randomly but as you tell them a firm "No." then they should go away.
Reply 18
hannah_dru
Are you sure it's not just a "Now I'm 16 and legal to have sex guys might start trying it on with me" thing? Cos I noticed that once I turned 16 I had guys pushing way too hard.

Seriously though they're all like that. You will get the occasional one which will pop up randomly but as you tell them a firm "No." then they should go away.


yea i have noticed a bit of a change, but then again i dont know, maybe because im being too paranoid im thinking the worst of things...

thanks anyway :smile:
Well you're not the only one. Just tell em to bugger off!!