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Why can't I get a boyfriend

So I am in my early 20's

I've only been asked out on a date by one person in my life it did go somewhere but something happened to them and they are no longer around
I've had a few boyfriends those were in my teenage years

I don't think Tinder is a good idea as I see it as a place people go for something else not really for a relationship

I try to meet people when out but nobody is interested
I wouldn't say I was pretty or very ugly
I am ok I guess
Nobody ever wants to speak to me

If I am out with mates guys come up to ask me to speak to my mates or ask for my friends number
None are ever interested in me

I once had the courage to decide ok if none are coming to me I will maybe try to be confident and speak to them

So I did
That totally back fired they just shut me down after I tried to start a conversation and walked away and it really hit my confidence

I am not actively looking for a boyfriend as such
I just thought from all my mates who get boys messaging them
Asking them out it has never happened really happened to me

I just wonder why not?
It never happens not once

Is it a possibility I really am that ugly? I really am literally nobodys type

I also thought it may be because I'm not skinny, but I'm not exactly fat
But I've seen girls triple my size on dates or that have a boyfriend

Scroll to see replies

If you're in or near West Yorkshire, feel free to PM me to arrange for us to meet up in a public place for a chat. I'll do what I can to help you in this. It may just be a case of giving you re-assurance that you're fine and just need to carry on as you have beem doing. It may be that I can give you one or two simple tips that will make all the difference. Or it may be that my suggestions will be something that you can't incorporate - in which case at least you'll have an explanation as to why boys seem to be more interested in your friends than you.


Please note that it's extremely unlikely (like a one in ten thousand chance) that I will become your boyfriend, for reasons that will be obvious when we meet. And that I am therefore not using this as a pick-up technique on you.
Maybe you just need to become more confident, and remember that its the 21st century- its ok to ask/suggest to a boy that you go on a date!
Reply 3
Avatar for Zelex
Zelex
10
When you say you try to meet people. How often is this? Are you saying when you go out, absolutely no one shows interest or maybe specifically those that are your type aren't showing interest?I

I just find it hard to believe that you are receiving no interest according to what you have typed.
Original post by Anonymous
So I am in my early 20's

I've only been asked out on a date by one person in my life it did go somewhere but something happened to them and they are no longer around
I've had a few boyfriends those were in my teenage years

I don't think Tinder is a good idea as I see it as a place people go for something else not really for a relationship

I try to meet people when out but nobody is interested
I wouldn't say I was pretty or very ugly
I am ok I guess
Nobody ever wants to speak to me

If I am out with mates guys come up to ask me to speak to my mates or ask for my friends number
None are ever interested in me

I once had the courage to decide ok if none are coming to me I will maybe try to be confident and speak to them

So I did
That totally back fired they just shut me down after I tried to start a conversation and walked away and it really hit my confidence

I am not actively looking for a boyfriend as such
I just thought from all my mates who get boys messaging them
Asking them out it has never happened really happened to me

I just wonder why not?
It never happens not once

Is it a possibility I really am that ugly? I really am literally nobodys type

I also thought it may be because I'm not skinny, but I'm not exactly fat
But I've seen girls triple my size on dates or that have a boyfriend


Are you out going? I'd say that I'm not very good with females either!
Original post by Anonymous
So I am in my early 20's

I've only been asked out on a date by one person in my life it did go somewhere but something happened to them and they are no longer around
I've had a few boyfriends those were in my teenage years

I don't think Tinder is a good idea as I see it as a place people go for something else not really for a relationship

I try to meet people when out but nobody is interested
I wouldn't say I was pretty or very ugly
I am ok I guess
Nobody ever wants to speak to me

If I am out with mates guys come up to ask me to speak to my mates or ask for my friends number
None are ever interested in me

I once had the courage to decide ok if none are coming to me I will maybe try to be confident and speak to them

So I did
That totally back fired they just shut me down after I tried to start a conversation and walked away and it really hit my confidence

I am not actively looking for a boyfriend as such
I just thought from all my mates who get boys messaging them
Asking them out it has never happened really happened to me

I just wonder why not?
It never happens not once

Is it a possibility I really am that ugly? I really am literally nobodys type

I also thought it may be because I'm not skinny, but I'm not exactly fat
But I've seen girls triple my size on dates or that have a boyfriend


I was in a similar position but because I wasn’t patient enough to wait and value my true worth I kept on getting into emotionally abusive relationships with men.


Your time will come when it’s right. Just keep being yourself and one day someone will come around.

P.S. You made a great choice by not signing up to Tinder.
Reply 6
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by eelpie
Maybe you just need to become more confident, and remember that its the 21st century- its ok to ask/suggest to a boy that you go on a date!


I can’t even get someone’s number to know them a little bit to be able to ask someone on a date! Otherwise I wouldn’t mind asking
Reply 7
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Zelex
When you say you try to meet people. How often is this? Are you saying when you go out, absolutely no one shows interest or maybe specifically those that are your type aren't showing interest?I

I just find it hard to believe that you are receiving no interest according to what you have typed.


I go out twice a month now odd occasion 3 times
I honestly get nobody!
I have tried to be open minded and not have a type as such I mean physically! So I don’t shut anyone out or down

I am honestly being truthful I thought it was due to me not being skinny But I’ve seen several girls on nights out bigger than me getting men approach them and chatting exchanging numbers

For me it just doesn’t happen and it knocks my confidence that it never happens! I am not entirely bothered but imagine you go out few times a month and you’re with your mates and nobody shows interest

Over a couple of years of this happening it gets to you eventually and you start asking why?
Reply 8
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by NKSSSSS09
Are you out going? I'd say that I'm not very good with females either!


I am outgoing
Nobody even wants to speak to me for 5 minutes

And maybe you haven’t been trying hard enough!
Reply 9
Avatar for Clez
Clez
20
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
If you're in or near West Yorkshire, feel free to PM me to arrange for us to meet up in a public place for a chat. I'll do what I can to help you in this. It may just be a case of giving you re-assurance that you're fine and just need to carry on as you have beem doing. It may be that I can give you one or two simple tips that will make all the difference. Or it may be that my suggestions will be something that you can't incorporate - in which case at least you'll have an explanation as to why boys seem to be more interested in your friends than you.


Please note that it's extremely unlikely (like a one in ten thousand chance) that I will become your boyfriend, for reasons that will be obvious when we meet. And that I am therefore not using this as a pick-up technique on you.


Wow, creep alert.
Original post by Anonymous
So I am in my early 20's

I've only been asked out on a date by one person in my life it did go somewhere but something happened to them and they are no longer around
I've had a few boyfriends those were in my teenage years

I don't think Tinder is a good idea as I see it as a place people go for something else not really for a relationship

I try to meet people when out but nobody is interested
I wouldn't say I was pretty or very ugly
I am ok I guess
Nobody ever wants to speak to me

If I am out with mates guys come up to ask me to speak to my mates or ask for my friends number
None are ever interested in me

I once had the courage to decide ok if none are coming to me I will maybe try to be confident and speak to them

So I did
That totally back fired they just shut me down after I tried to start a conversation and walked away and it really hit my confidence

I am not actively looking for a boyfriend as such
I just thought from all my mates who get boys messaging them
Asking them out it has never happened really happened to me

I just wonder why not?
It never happens not once

Is it a possibility I really am that ugly? I really am literally nobodys type

I also thought it may be because I'm not skinny, but I'm not exactly fat
But I've seen girls triple my size on dates or that have a boyfriend


Try dressing and acting like your friend and see where that gets you.
Reply 11
Avatar for Clez
Clez
20
Original post by Anonymous


I am not actively looking for a boyfriend as such


Hello,

I hope I don't sound too facetious here - but this is the main reason you don't have one - you're not looking for one.

Your inquiries whilst "out" (i presume you mean on nights out) sound misguided, as most people on nights out who could be interested would likely be looking for leads towards getting off with someone on the night, rather than having a conversation or getting to know someone with a long term goal.

Also if you're not making an effort towards attracting them in a way which inevitably involves the "other things" that puts you off Tinder, then it's unlikely their attention will switch to you rather than your friends who are. That is the night out culture. You can embrace it or you can look elsewhere.

There are plenty of dating websites outside of Tinder, but even on Tinder you can be specific to what you want or how slowly you want to go with someone before meeting up.

Outside of that, consider finding more hobbies and interests societies and/or clubs. People at work. Do more things where there are more potential people. Make an effort to look nice when you go to them, and don't go out looking with people who you suspect are more attractive than you - that's just shooting yourself in the foot.

Happy Hunting.
Reply 12
Avatar for Zelex
Zelex
10
Original post by Anonymous
I go out twice a month now odd occasion 3 times
I honestly get nobody!
I have tried to be open minded and not have a type as such I mean physically! So I don’t shut anyone out or down

I am honestly being truthful I thought it was due to me not being skinny But I’ve seen several girls on nights out bigger than me getting men approach them and chatting exchanging numbers

For me it just doesn’t happen and it knocks my confidence that it never happens! I am not entirely bothered but imagine you go out few times a month and you’re with your mates and nobody shows interest

Over a couple of years of this happening it gets to you eventually and you start asking why?


Hmmm.....it is difficult to identify what the problem may be as I am not there to see it. My intuition tells me this is not a issue with your physical attractiveness rather may be the vibe you giving off on a night out? but according to yourself, you are putting the effort in to get yourself noticed. Maybe you should try different scenes: online dating apps even Tinder possibly, you don't have to be after anything serious..chat with a few people etc, boost your confidence. Are you part of any social clubs? if not as someone mentioned try joining one.
I fully get where you guys are coming from
I was looking WAS I then gave up due to a few years of nobody being interested in me

Well yes I totally know that but even on nights out I get 0 attention regardless for whatever their end goal may be and that hits my confidence I think am I that bad

Well my friends don’t do anything different to me on a night out which confuses me and as you said Zalex about my vibe I’m giving well me and my friends just talk at the bar for majority of the night guys come up to them and offer drinks etc but nobody notices me it’s like I am invisible

I’ve tried other dating websites but find it to be all very creepy (well the people once I’ve began speaking to them) it totally put me off

I’ve tried to look for societies and clubs but nobody notices me won’t even speak to me

People at work are all taken

I have definitely done that a few times doing more things where there are potential people and the majority of the time I make an effort to look nice
Original post by Clez
Wow, creep alert.
Did you not understand the bits where I said "meet in a public place" and "if you live in or near West Yorkshire" and that there's like a one in ten thousand chance that I would become her boyfriend?

Do you think that you can answer her questions properly without meeting her in person?
If you can, you should go on TV as you have incredible powers of clairvoyance.

If you think it's creepy to meet up for a chat in public with the aim of providing a bit of help to someone and then in all likelihood never seeing them again, then I think that says more about you than me. Especially at this festive time of year: "good will to all men" and all that.
Original post by Anonymous
So I am in my early 20's

I've only been asked out on a date by one person in my life it did go somewhere but something happened to them and they are no longer around
I've had a few boyfriends those were in my teenage years

I don't think Tinder is a good idea as I see it as a place people go for something else not really for a relationship

I try to meet people when out but nobody is interested
I wouldn't say I was pretty or very ugly
I am ok I guess
Nobody ever wants to speak to me

If I am out with mates guys come up to ask me to speak to my mates or ask for my friends number
None are ever interested in me

I once had the courage to decide ok if none are coming to me I will maybe try to be confident and speak to them

So I did
That totally back fired they just shut me down after I tried to start a conversation and walked away and it really hit my confidence

I am not actively looking for a boyfriend as such
I just thought from all my mates who get boys messaging them
Asking them out it has never happened really happened to me

I just wonder why not?
It never happens not once

Is it a possibility I really am that ugly? I really am literally nobodys type

I also thought it may be because I'm not skinny, but I'm not exactly fat
But I've seen girls triple my size on dates or that have a boyfriend


What do you want us to say?

We have no picture to judge so that leaves us only one option as a response and that’s to put the effort in yourself to talk to them.
Reply 16
Avatar for Clez
Clez
20
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Did you not understand the bits where I said "meet in a public place" and "if you live in or near West Yorkshire" and that there's like a one in ten thousand chance that I would become her boyfriend?

Do you think that you can answer her questions properly without meeting her in person?
If you can, you should go on TV as you have incredible powers of clairvoyance.

If you think it's creepy to meet up for a chat in public with the aim of providing a bit of help to someone and then in all likelihood never seeing them again, then I think that says more about you than me. Especially at this festive time of year: "good will to all men" and all that.


Double creep alert :eek:
Original post by paul514
What do you want us to say?

We have no picture to judge so that leaves us only one option as a response and that’s to put the effort in yourself to talk to them.


But I’ve seen girls who are worse off physically than me with boyfriends so why would what I look like have anything to do with it? I didn’t think people were still so shallow?

I have put in the effort...many times.
But they don’t have any interest to talk to me so they just shrug it off
Original post by Clez
Double creep alert :eek:


A little bit yes
But I get where Dunnig Kruger is coming from
I am no where near West Yorkshire so it’s totally irrelevant
In my opinion and from experiences I have had; you’re trying too hard. Both of my long term relationships and many of my friends relationships have arisen from them doing nothing. Just relax, be yourself and enjoy life without focusing on being a relationship.

I was once so focused on getting a boyfriend because all my friends were seeing boys etc and I’d barely even kissed a boy. I tried so hard to be like them and act like them, but it just made me more miserable because I wasn’t myself. I became so consumed by it.

Then I gave up trying and began to actually enjoy myself. I wasn’t always thinking and worrying about it and that’s when I ended up meeting someone. This was about 4 years ago, and the same thing happened to me last year. Just relax and enjoy life and you’ll be amazed how things work out.

Also remember that there is no rush, you don’t NEED a relationship to be happy and you‘re so much less likely to have a successful relationship if you are not happy and enjoying life.

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