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Not suure whats going on...
Ok well i'll try and keep this as short as possible. Basically i been going out with my boyfriend almost a year and a half and everythings great i think.
A while ago one of my friends warned me that she thought he may be cheating, it turned out not to be true but i've never truly believed him since as he was very close to the girl in question. So then about a month ago he started a new job and whenever i asked how it was he would never give much of an answer. He never would mention anyone he worked with. So then one day we were at mine and he recieved quite a lot of texts, he kept laughing so i asked who they were from and he said his mum. Later on i had his phone and (i know i shouldn't) but i read the messages and they were well a little suggestive to say the least. I didnt mention it but since then about once a week i been checking the texts. Theres been times when he's been at mine and later gone home and texts her to say how bored he'd been that night at {insert lad mate name here}'s house. I asked him if he was cheating and he seemed genuinely confused as to why i thought it. I haven't mentioned reading the texts to him. I know that he takes her out for lunch when their at work but i don't know if she's ever heard of me before. He said that the worst he's ever done is she'll give him a kiss on the cheak when they have finished.
So my question is, am i being irrational thinking he should tell her he's been at my house (assuming she knows i exist
) and do you think there is a high chance he is cheating or is it just a bit of flirting?
Sorry its so long, just needed to get it off my chest.
A while ago one of my friends warned me that she thought he may be cheating, it turned out not to be true but i've never truly believed him since as he was very close to the girl in question. So then about a month ago he started a new job and whenever i asked how it was he would never give much of an answer. He never would mention anyone he worked with. So then one day we were at mine and he recieved quite a lot of texts, he kept laughing so i asked who they were from and he said his mum. Later on i had his phone and (i know i shouldn't) but i read the messages and they were well a little suggestive to say the least. I didnt mention it but since then about once a week i been checking the texts. Theres been times when he's been at mine and later gone home and texts her to say how bored he'd been that night at {insert lad mate name here}'s house. I asked him if he was cheating and he seemed genuinely confused as to why i thought it. I haven't mentioned reading the texts to him. I know that he takes her out for lunch when their at work but i don't know if she's ever heard of me before. He said that the worst he's ever done is she'll give him a kiss on the cheak when they have finished.
So my question is, am i being irrational thinking he should tell her he's been at my house (assuming she knows i exist
) and do you think there is a high chance he is cheating or is it just a bit of flirting?Sorry its so long, just needed to get it off my chest.
Reply 1
Well maybe one of your friends was jealous when she said that. Seriously you don't sound like you trust him much since you feel the need to go through his phone. Maybe you just need reassurance but he is perfectly allowed to hang out with other girls.
Reply 3
Sounds like a bit of a boyo. You're far too young for all of this, he's clearly out of line whatever it is. Being secretive and lying to you isn't a good sign in any relationship, especially one so young.
My advice: tell him where to go and move on. Believe me, it's not hard to find a man who'll treat you with some respect.
My advice: tell him where to go and move on. Believe me, it's not hard to find a man who'll treat you with some respect.
Reply 4
Actually I take some of that back the fact he lied, but then again as I say you obviously didn't trust him going through all his phone. But then again if he had nothing to hide he would simply tell the truth.
Reply 5
pink_192
OP
I just didn't trust that it was his mum, that was why i checked in the first place, it would be highly unusal for his mum to text him 3 or 4 times in a row as happened. Do you think its worth asking him why exactly he lied about it and give him the chance to explain? and how would be a good way to approach the subject without coming straight out and saying 'i've read your texts and i want to know whats going on' i'd hate to directly accuse him and then everything turned out to be totally innocent.
Reply 6
pink_192
I just didn't trust that it was his mum, that was why i checked in the first place, it would be highly unusal for his mum to text him 3 or 4 times in a row as happened. Do you think its worth asking him why exactly he lied about it and give him the chance to explain? and how would be a good way to approach the subject without coming straight out and saying 'i've read your texts and i want to know whats going on' i'd hate to directly accuse him and then everything turned out to be totally innocent.
It doesn't matter, he pretended you were a male friend and said he was bored (explains the texting lots in your company) AND was flirting too. How could any of that have an innocent explanation? If it was his mum then... you'd still have to get rid. Sick.
You're just hoping that he'll make it seem logical to you so that you don't have to end it. Grow a pair eh.
Reply 7
Hmm. Difficult situation. Even though he might be innocently flirting, what's to say the girl he's been texting thinks it's innocent? To protect yourself in the long run you should probably talk to him about it. Perhaps don't tell him that you've read his messages. Just tell him that you feel something's not right and take it from there.
Reply 8
Jett
It doesn't matter, he pretended you were a male friend and said he was bored
nearly as catching him in the act.. literally
Reply 9
I actually don't blame you for going through his texts. Sure, it's technically not the right thing to do, but I think a lot of people would do the same thing if they were in your position. It sounds like you don't trust him (going through texts/questioning his intentions/etc), and... I'm really, really sorry to say this, but I think it's understandable. He doesn't seem like a trustworthy guy - suggestive texts to his "mom," vague conversations about work, a girl kissing him on the cheek...
Personally, I wouldn't bring up the texts. He'll get offended that you went through his personal belongings and his trust for you will definitely waver. Just mention that perhaps you're feeling a little insecure -- he'll either reassure his feelings for you, or he'll make you realize that you deserve so much better.
Good luck! All the best!
Personally, I wouldn't bring up the texts. He'll get offended that you went through his personal belongings and his trust for you will definitely waver. Just mention that perhaps you're feeling a little insecure -- he'll either reassure his feelings for you, or he'll make you realize that you deserve so much better.
Good luck! All the best!
Reply 10
Ask him outright if you can read his texts?
Hmm I don't know it doesn't sound like he's outright cheating to be honest (why do I keep saying outright? hmph). It does however sound like he's keeping his options open. I really loathe this in people.
My bet is she's interested in him, he's aware of it, wouldn't act on it but certainly wouldn't want to cut off his new supply of attention. Hence 'I was at my mate's'.
You've being going out a long time - yes reading the texts was dodgy and I've been in the same position where I shouldn't have read something onine or whatever but found something I had to question. I did - it wasn't pleasant but the response was ok and pretty much what i summarised above. He's probably just liking the attention.
Aww good luck anyhow!
Hmm I don't know it doesn't sound like he's outright cheating to be honest (why do I keep saying outright? hmph). It does however sound like he's keeping his options open. I really loathe this in people.
My bet is she's interested in him, he's aware of it, wouldn't act on it but certainly wouldn't want to cut off his new supply of attention. Hence 'I was at my mate's'.
You've being going out a long time - yes reading the texts was dodgy and I've been in the same position where I shouldn't have read something onine or whatever but found something I had to question. I did - it wasn't pleasant but the response was ok and pretty much what i summarised above. He's probably just liking the attention.
Aww good luck anyhow!
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