How do I break up with my long term fiancé? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
I'm making this post anonymously because I'm honestly so ashamed.

I've been with my partner for nearly three years. We met by chance at a local event and have been engaged for two years. We are both very young (late teens) and thing's have been perfect. We moved in together recently, have been making the most of spending time together, and I even bought us a 'family' pet.

We're working but I can't do this any more. I've had this massive issue with his family since we got together: they don't know that I exist and he's not interested in telling them. We want to get married, we want to have a child - but I don't want to be a dirty little secret. I don't want somebody who's ashamed of me. My family and little sisters adore him, my grandparents are always asking after him, inviting him over for the holidays, etc. No matter how many conversations we've had, nothing changes.

He's adamant we're not breaking up. He's always saying to me that it won't happen. But I'm done; I feel so degraded, I feel like I'm always doing something wrong because I need to tread so lightly around his personal life. He's emotionally fragile but I don't want to be in this relationship any more. How do I break up with him in the kindest way possible? I'm not interested in fixing this any more.
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Aleeexxi
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#2
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#2
Just sit down and talk to him and be honest about how you feel and how you've had enough. By being together for that long and engaged, if them not knowing who you are or not meeting you seems very strange. Wouldn't you want to know who your future daughter in law may be. I don't get why he wouldnt tell his family who you are? Surely, they must be aware that hes engaged???

But, tell him sooner than later. If hes fragile just break it ASAP. You need to put his feelings aside and think of your own.

Sorry, this may not be helpful
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Sammylou40
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I’m sorry you’re feeling so hurt and sad
What’s the reason he won’t tell them? Where do they think he lives? Isn’t it odd they never visited?
If you’re adamant it’s over then there’s no easy way
You just need to be kind about it. Tell him it’s over, explain your reasons and leave.
There’s no reason you can’t start moving your things first if you think it may be easier than going back
Once you’re away you can start then untangling your finances
Good luck
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StriderHort
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I know you say yr not interested in fixing, but what do you know of his family relationships? everyone varies and it might not be a 'you' thing at all? emotionally fragile or not if the stakes are you leaving i'd put your cards on the table that he has to explain himself if he wants to be your partner, just be open minded to what he might say. It sounds like it might be worth a TRY at fixing if so many other things are good and the problem is a 3rd party.
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Salma26
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Somethings can't be fixed and it's OK to feel like you are done.

It's time for something new.

All I can say is tell him what's what and that you won't be convinced otherwise.

If a guy won't let you in his personal life/world then another guy will.

Cut your losses and be done with it. Don't cry over spilt milk.
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hannah00
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dont know why you see yourself as a dirty little secret

perhaps you dont fully understand his family circumstances, perahps try and look at it from his point of view

He isnt ashamed of you, your just assuming this all

also its slim pickings out there, everyone has baggage and most guys lie on dating profiles
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GreenBell
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Find out why he doesn't want to introduce you to his family first and then tell him if he doesn't then it won't work out for you.
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applesforme
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so you're gay? what's the secret that his family can't know about? or is his family is arranging a marriage for him? It doesn't sound like something to give up on, and you don't sound like you want to, you sound upset. You need to talk to him more. There are other things to do to make a sign that something has to change like moving out, rather than breaking up.
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