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Hi there,

I enjoy writing novels and I'm planning on writing one about a 15 year old teenager who turns into a mass murderer by hijacking a plane. (Yes i know it may be a bit extreme). I'm now trying to think of a good name. I was going to call it Physco Kid but I'm not sure. Here is the plot, see if you can come up with anything. I'm into action/police military stuff/teen fiction so may be right up someones street

A counter terrorist marksman from the Met's CTU, Mark Bannon is suspended from CT duties and posted in an office role after a counter terrorist operation goes horribly wrong and he ends up killing the wrong suspect. After receiving multiple death threats from various individuals and threats from human rights organisations, he decides to move him and his son, Karl, ( out to Essex while the situation is resolved. While his son attends the local school, he notices a social outcast, James, who he befriends to the dissaproval of his other classmates. He is invited to his house, which turns out to be a foster home, discovering his family died in a horrific house fire when he was 7 years old. He shows him a gun in his drawer, saying he doesn't get any attention etc. When he reveals this to his father, he is eager for his son to find out more and sends him over there in an attempt to find out more to alert the authorities.

The next day the two boys talk and the son of the officer (haven't thought of a name yet) discover he wants to "show the world" what he can do and says he wants to do something "Big, in London". When asked how he will do it, he says "Let's just say it'll be with a plane". He calls his dad who then alerts the anti terrorist hotline. As he is walking to school the next morning however,Karl is taken with James in a car as they drive to City Airport. James shows him a loaded handgun and the two burst through the gates to the runway. Karl tries to escape, but James shoots him and he is injured. He drags him up to a plane and he threatens to kill the pilot if he does not take off and crash into the Shard. He manages to text his dad alerting him off the imminent attack

His dad recieves the text and alerts the authorities, before putting on his uniform speeding towards London on his personal issue motorbike.

The plane approaches Central London and James has an outburst sayin how he wished people wouldn't judge him and how he misses his parents and how he wished he wasn't bullied at school and in the home. Karl tries to talk him out of it but not before James shoots the pilot, takes over the controls, and crashes into the shard.

Mark gets there just before the impact and helps to evacuate the area, but not before the plane crashes into the shard, sending it to the ground. Realising his son was on board, he screams as he runs from the collapse.

The final page shows a newspaper clipping saying that over "1000 people died" in an attack believed to have been committed by a "15 year old depressed teenager".

Any ideas? I know this will be controversial due to the 9/11 affect and mental illness and what not but I want it to have a message at the same time, the message being that we need to do more about mental health because if people are not helped we could end up with catastrophic results. The collapse of the Shard is supposed to symbolise the collapse of the mental health system.

Thanks guys

Reply 1

Averageguyy

Seems a bit short in terms of content.

Definitely try to delve into the character psyche if you go ahead.

I think your premise and some plot ideas are not the best either. You seem to have gone for bombastic, which may backfire in terms of getting your themes across tastefully. Some parts don't make sense either. The pilot would 99% of the time take the bullet cause then only they would die, not them and everyone else. If they were shot, the boy wouldn't know what to do, autopilot would keep the course steady and he would be stopped.

The antagonist also doesn't seem psycho. He seems let down by the system and others, but he still would not crash a plane. Why would he do that? His bullies aren't in the building and he has nothing to gain by dying.

The example dialogue you gave also gives me the ick. It's very basic, no nuance and very cringy.

I get the idea behind the message of the broken shard, but it doesn't suit a character who has no motivation to crash a plane. This symbolism is also quite basic and weak.

Also, the dad's backstory is basically ripped straight out of Line of Duty S1.

Sorry if I was a bit harsh, but there needs to be serious refining on the plot. Change the antagonist's psyche, change the relationship between him and the son to be more natural and make the son seem less like an idiot. Some parts could be quite insensitive, especially making the death toll over 1,000. Also, the symbolism needs to have more nuance and depth

Reply 2

Averageguyy

Also, read Grow by Luke Palmer for ideas of how to write tastefully about terrorism. The antagonists have motives that make sense, the first half delves into psyche a lot, and finale is not to bombastic, nonsensical and more emotional (I don't think your conclusion holds much emotional weight)

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