Complicated break-up related thing....

Please keep this anonymous or delete it. Okay, so basically my boyfriend broke up with me recently – yeah it was painful etc. but I’m coping. But the problem is, he split up with me because I don’t want to sleep with anyone until I’m married. He knew this before we even got into a relationship, said he was fine with it but then suddenly decided it was too hard. We hadn’t even been together three months, I had a chat with him this week and he said it wasn’t just that, it was also that when we did more than kiss sometimes I got very scared (I have something in my past that makes it hard for me, which he knew about). I thought we were working through this problem – I was not refusing to do anything sexual, I just don’t want to have sex before I am married, but he said he couldn’t deal with my fear as well. Other than this relatively major issue, we had a really great relationship. I am now really worried that I am not going to find anyone who understands and is happy to wait for me. I don’t really know what I want anyone to say – is there any guy out there who would wait for his girlfriend if she wanted to wait until she was married? And would they find it too hard to deal with if she had an issue as well that meant she got scared sometimes when you got intimate?

Reply 1

Cj-Tj

15

There will be some no doubt. Not me!! But there are a few people who wont have sex before marrige for religous reasons, and as far as the fear thing, that will go when you completly trust somebody.

Reply 2

unfinished sympathy

15

maybe your bf is a ****, and thought he could talk you into having sex.

i'm sure there is a guy out there who doesn't think with his knob, so yeah you should meet some guy who will wait. I should imagine you'll have to get over this fear though, so you can accept sexual overtures. afterall you can't go out with a guy for a year then get engaged for a year and expect him not to have sex. Wither get used to giving blow/handjobs or expect him to cheat.

Reply 3

Scarlett88

unfinished sympathy

maybe your bf is a ****, and thought he could talk you into having sex.

i'm sure there is a guy out there who doesn't think with his knob, so yeah you should meet some guy who will wait. I should imagine you'll have to get over this fear though, so you can accept sexual overtures. afterall you can't go out with a guy for a year then get engaged for a year and expect him not to have sex. Wither get used to giving blow/handjobs or expect him to cheat.

That is ridiculous, u will find someone who actually appreciate you, whether you give sexual stuff or not...
I'm sure you will find someone who is not a complete arrogant arse, there are some out there

Reply 4

unfinished sympathy

15

Scarlett88

That is ridiculous, u will find someone who actually appreciate you, whether you give sexual stuff or not...
I'm sure you will find someone who is not a complete arrogant arse, there are some out there

why is that so not true? sex is to most people an important part of a relationship. she has chosen to go without, and okay if the guy loves her he won't mind, but come on... does that mean she won't kiss her bf until theyre married? can you see anyone waiting two years until the wedding (okay maybe an exaggeration but) for sexual release? if so then you're naive

Reply 5

strawberrykisses123

^^ I agree. In this day and age it is extremely rare to find anyone, let alone a guy, who won't have sex before marriage, unless it was for religious reasons.

Sex is definitely an important part of a relationship, and to me, I don't see how successful relationship can function without some sort of sexual activity or "undertone", as someone put above me.

So you will definitely have a rough time finding a guy who will accept this - I'm sure lots of guys think they can, but will eventually find out they can't cope, to no fault of their own. I'm sure a lot of naive girls are going to say "He was a dick if he couldn't wait for you"...but come on, even if he did love her, it would be crazy if he did stay.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

it might be difficult but you're not the only person in the world who wants to wait until they're married to have sex. i have 2 male friends who are the same.

also when a guy really cares for you he will understand the fear of sexual stuff. i was raped and tortured from the age of 12 - 16ish and found it really difficult to take part in any sexual activity with someone i genuinely liked (no problem with someone i didn't give a **** about). I had a really great boyfriend who understood and helped me with it until i was absolutely fine. i relapsed a bit when he and I split but the current boyfriend is just as understanding, he's really great whenever i have nightmares or flashbacks.

maybe join some Christian societies or something and meet some like-minded people? maybe it will restore your faith in guys a little

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

i just wanted to add something. the people above were quite insensitive with what they said. they may have a point but i think they read what you wrote wrong and assumed you wouldn't ever do more than kiss, when you wrote (i think) that it was just sometimes it scared you.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you to anon poster number two - I'm so sorry about what happened to you. What happened to me was nowhere near as extreme but along the same lines in a majorly decreased way.
And yeah, I was willing to do more than kiss but sometimes I get very scared and upset so we had to take it very slowly. I'm just worried I'll never find a guy who can deal with that as well as the whole no sex before marriage thing :-(

Reply 9

jenren22

1

I find the sex before marriage thing a little weird, but anyway. I think there are guys out there who will respect that, but there arent many. Do you only want sex after marriage because of what happened to you? (if you dont mind me saying), or is it a religious thing? If the former i think you should try to get over the fear as with the right guy sex before marriage is nothing to be ashamed of. But if its religious, its religious. Or its just a belief or whatever.

But think of reality, at the end of the day even though im female, i would find it hard to be someone with that belief. But im sure there is someone out there who is the same as you.

Complicated break-up related thing....

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