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Asked out by a guy who has a FWB

Hi everyone,

Recently I have been asked out by a guy I was friends with in university. I used to like and respect him as a friend before all this happened. He has a FWB who is in our friendship group. They talk and message a lot and go out on dates, so do things that go beyond a normal FWB relationship, but he won't call her his girlfriend or say they're a couple. There are times when I'd been in their company and he hadn't bothered hiding their relationship from me at all. He'd talk to both of us and once asked me out in front of her. She is jealous of me as well.

I would only want a monogamous relationship and I wouldn't like to be messed around, especially as I'd never been in a relationship before, so I said no to him.

Someone told me that maybe he wouldn't want to give up his FWB for me yet because he has no reassurance that I would go out with him/ like him if he did, and that he's only with her because he's really lonely (aka. that I should go out with him).

What would you do, would you completely ignore this guy? I plan on doing so, just looking for reassurance I guess.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone,

Recently I have been asked out by a guy I was friends with in university. I used to like and respect him as a friend before all this happened. He has a FWB who is in our friendship group. They talk and message a lot and go out on dates, so do things that go beyond a normal FWB relationship, but he won't call her his girlfriend or say they're a couple. There are times when I'd been in their company and he hadn't bothered hiding their relationship from me at all. He'd talk to both of us and once asked me out in front of her. She is jealous of me as well.

I would only want a monogamous relationship and I wouldn't like to be messed around, especially as I'd never been in a relationship before, so I said no to him.

Someone told me that maybe he wouldn't want to give up his FWB for me yet because he has no reassurance that I would go out with him/ like him if he did, and that he's only with her because he's really lonely (aka. that I should go out with him).

What would you do, would you completely ignore this guy? I plan on doing so, just looking for reassurance I guess.


If you wanna go out with him, why not say that you don't want there to be an FWB. It's kinda obvious you do like him.
There's nothing wrong with him having a FWB but this situation seems so much messier than a simple FWB so I would honestly avoid it like the plague. Acting like you're in a relationship with someone when it's just FWB seems strange if you ask me and the fact that she's jealous of you shows she definitely thinks of him as more than a FWB even if he doesn't feel the same way about her.

If you do decide to go out with him then you should insist that he gives up his FWB as soon as you start to get serious, but be aware that if this is more than a FWB (which is does sound to me) then he may not be willing to give her up. And even if he does give her up you have to be prepared for her reaction which may not be positive as it looks like she has feelings for him.
It's hard to know all the details from short posts like this, but knowing all the details you should consider his actions over the course of this. You say they two are practically a couple but he won't admit that. Is this because she really wants it and he's just messing her about and just using her for sex and using her? You say she's jealous after all. Then he's asking you out while he has this whatever kind of relationship going on at the same time. It's not like he hooked up with a random girl from a nightclub recently. It's an ongoing, close relationship with one of his friends which has not ended yet. He probably asked you out and while you went home to think about it he probably went home with the other girl to sleep with her. And also why did he ask you out in front of her, while they were still fake seeing each other? That sounds like a major d*** move on his part. Is he trying to make the other girl jealous? Is he trying to get her back for something or just make her feel bad?

Knowing part of the story the guy doesn't seem like the best kind of guy.
Damn realationship so complicated in 2017.

I should have married my high school boyfriend
Original post by hannah00
Damn realationship so complicated in 2017.

I should have married my high school boyfriend


I loved you Felicia, we can still make it work :frown:
Avoid.

That's going to invite loads of drama into your life and the guy is immature anyway. He doesn't have any respect for that other girl's feelings. So you can be sure he'l treat you the same way.

And when you do go out with him you'l end up getting into a ***** fight with the other girl. Witnessed a lot of this stuff at uni lol. Noped out of a few of those situations.

If you're the type that only prefers normal monogomous relationships you should really avoid people like that. They have different sets of morals to you.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by ParkHyungSuk
I loved you Felicia, we can still make it work :frown:


your accumulating rep at a rapid pace !
Original post by hannah00
your accumulating rep at a rapid pace !


Am I?
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone,

Recently I have been asked out by a guy I was friends with in university. I used to like and respect him as a friend before all this happened. He has a FWB who is in our friendship group. They talk and message a lot and go out on dates, so do things that go beyond a normal FWB relationship, but he won't call her his girlfriend or say they're a couple. There are times when I'd been in their company and he hadn't bothered hiding their relationship from me at all. He'd talk to both of us and once asked me out in front of her. She is jealous of me as well.

I would only want a monogamous relationship and I wouldn't like to be messed around, especially as I'd never been in a relationship before, so I said no to him.

Someone told me that maybe he wouldn't want to give up his FWB for me yet because he has no reassurance that I would go out with him/ like him if he did, and that he's only with her because he's really lonely (aka. that I should go out with him).

What would you do, would you completely ignore this guy? I plan on doing so, just looking for reassurance I guess.


Gonna cause a lot of problems this, at the very least if he wants you then you need to tell him to finish his arrangement with the other person first.
Thank you guys for your replies, think your advice is sound and you've given me the reassurance I need! I wasn't going to be with him with his relationship with the other girl carrying on anyway haha. But was considering whether to tell him I might go out with him but don't want a FWB or just to refuse without explanation... Think I'm going to just refuse (I've already refused but will carry on refusing). Merry Christmas.
Will carry on refusing if need be *
Original post by ChickenMadness

That's going to invite loads of drama into your life and the guy is immature anyway. He doesn't have any respect for that other girl's feelings. So you can be sure he'l treat you the same way.


I don't think the guy is immature; I think he just lacks awareness of the other girl's jealousy. The way I see it is that the other girl is immature - if you're going to get into a fwb, then you should know exactly what that entails: 'just ****ing and other **** but no actual relationship' (sorry for being so crude).

I agree with everything else you've said though.

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