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My boyfriend cheated and I need help and advice

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and this time last year I found messages on his phone to a girl I never liked where they were sexting. He never saw it was wrong untill I broke up with him after I found them and he was really remorseful and promised never to hurt me again, and we got back together a month later. We broke up in June this year due to lots of arguing but hoped to get back together after some time apart so it was more like a break, but at the end of summer I ended up kissing and doing things with a boy he didn’t like when extremely drunk. He was starting at uni after that summer. Despite not being together I knew we wanted to get back on track so I told him the next day, and he forgave me. During his first few months we were basically back together but without the status. Sleeping together, family outings, going on dates, it was almost better than before and he was waiting for a special date to ask me officially. 3 days ago an old friend from his old college rang me to tell me she’d heard he’d slept with a girl from his old college, and I didn’t believe it. I’d always hated this girl too and I never thought he’d have it in him to PHYSICALLY cheat. I asked her and she said yes, and when I asked he said yes too. I asked all the questions I needed to know, he said he was really drunk and didn’t tell any of his flat mates because he was so guilty and regretful. But he said he’d moved the frame of us beside his bed before hand so I doubt he was that drunk. He said he didn’t finish due to the guilt and realisation of what he was doing and told her to leave and it happened three weeks ago. He said he intended to tell me, however I have bad depression and he knew it would destroy me. I hate what he’s done and it has crushed me, however I just can’t find it in me to hate him, and all I want is to have him back. I’m a very loving and forgiving person and I can’t help but make excuses for him. He forgave me after summer even though we weren’t at all together, and I can relate because after I did what I did I cried because I didn’t understand why it happened. And I can relate to the way he claimed to feel about not knowing why it happened. However it is even more hurtful because both times, the girls he chose were very ****gy and a downgrade really, which makes me consider if it’s a self esteem problem. All I know is after I have time to heal, I want him back and all my friends and family hate him and won’t want that, but I just feel as though I know he wouldn’t hurt me again. I’ve never seen him so remorseful and he says he hates himself and has been crying to his mum about it for days. Please someone tell me what to do
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and this time last year I found messages on his phone to a girl I never liked where they were sexting. He never saw it was wrong untill I broke up with him after I found them and he was really remorseful and promised never to hurt me again, and we got back together a month later. We broke up in June this year due to lots of arguing but hoped to get back together after some time apart so it was more like a break, but at the end of summer I ended up kissing and doing things with a boy he didn’t like when extremely drunk. He was starting at uni after that summer. Despite not being together I knew we wanted to get back on track so I told him the next day, and he forgave me. During his first few months we were basically back together but without the status. Sleeping together, family outings, going on dates, it was almost better than before and he was waiting for a special date to ask me officially. 3 days ago an old friend from his old college rang me to tell me she’d heard he’d slept with a girl from his old college, and I didn’t believe it. I’d always hated this girl too and I never thought he’d have it in him to PHYSICALLY cheat. I asked her and she said yes, and when I asked he said yes too. I asked all the questions I needed to know, he said he was really drunk and didn’t tell any of his flat mates because he was so guilty and regretful. But he said he’d moved the frame of us beside his bed before hand so I doubt he was that drunk. He said he didn’t finish due to the guilt and realisation of what he was doing and told her to leave and it happened three weeks ago. He said he intended to tell me, however I have bad depression and he knew it would destroy me. I hate what he’s done and it has crushed me, however I just can’t find it in me to hate him, and all I want is to have him back. I’m a very loving and forgiving person and I can’t help but make excuses for him. He forgave me after summer even though we weren’t at all together, and I can relate because after I did what I did I cried because I didn’t understand why it happened. And I can relate to the way he claimed to feel about not knowing why it happened. However it is even more hurtful because both times, the girls he chose were very ****gy and a downgrade really, which makes me consider if it’s a self esteem problem. All I know is after I have time to heal, I want him back and all my friends and family hate him and won’t want that, but I just feel as though I know he wouldn’t hurt me again. I’ve never seen him so remorseful and he says he hates himself and has been crying to his mum about it for days. Please someone tell me what to do


If you want me to be honest, then imo your relationship is over and you have virtually no chance. Neither of you are able to remain faithful and in the right circumstances you will be with someone else. Him a lot easier than you. Being sorry doesnt really cut it when you go and do it again.

When the test of uni comes up you wont survive as you wont be together and more opportunities arise.

As for you, then you are naive and fooling yourself. you are busy making excuses for him, but if you take him back imo its on its way out and will just repeat itself. Sometime down the line when you are exhausted you will realise this. All part of growing up. Why not just accept he isnt the right person for you and save yourself all the bother plus have the opportunity to find someone else.

Ofc you wont, so if you carry on dont kid yourself and decide how many times him crying an saying sorry is going to be enough. He knows exactly what he is doing and you are enabling him.
You're both cheating, him more than once. Plus you broke up already multiple times. In my opinion this relationship is over... move on before he doesthis again.

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