Am I on the autism spectrum? Or is this just GAD?

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anon99874
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#1
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#1
So for various reasons my first year, at a uni consistently ranked in the top 10, went terribly and I transferred directly into the second year to a university that's ranked in the top 20.

My first term here was also horrible, I managed to stop myself from making any real friends due to anxieties over league tables and feeling like I'm in the wrong place whenever I heard dumb conversations both in the labs and elsewhere. Instead of just being able to move on and speak to different people instead, I obsess over what I just heard. My parents met at cambridge so it's kind of ingrained into me that I should be speaking to 'intellectual' people - they don't even care about my transfer and they're not worried at all, but I can't seem to get rid of the anxieties.

e.g. At one point I made a friend, but then I saw their CV and seeing their ABB vs my A*A*A literally made me anxious like I wanted to get away from them, haven't really spoke since. I don't even think of myself as a snob (but my dad is pretty snobby). To clarify, if I could stop caring, I would.

I saw various health professionals about this, explaining what was going through my mind, and two of them separately suggested that I may have traits of ASD. Previously I had already taken the test and scored 25 on the test (it's out of 50, and the threshold is 26). The other day, I scored 28, so if I do have it then it's a mild form, but present enough to cause chronic stress.

To try and put it into words: I am constantly worried about how my A-level results are out-of-place with my university choice.

I've managed to get a really good software engineering internship at a fantastic company, but this hasn't stopped the anxieties: I have some kind of underlying belief that, as I won't be graduating from a top 10 university, my career prospects are somewhat bottlenecked; there's only a certain level of job that I'm able to find; that there is some magnitude of incompetence associated with ppl who go to this uni; I hope that this isn't true and that it's the case that I do have traits of ASD, or GAD, or something.

I wasn't even doing particularly well at the previous university, my average was 2:1 and, as the doctor who I saw said, a 1st from this one might even serve me better.

Yet the anxieties persist

Anyone have thoughts? This is computer science btw - pls don't say yes based on this alone.

Many thanks
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claireestelle
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#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
(Original post by anon99874)
So for various reasons my first year, at a uni consistently ranked in the top 10, went terribly and I transferred directly into the second year to a university that's ranked in the top 20.

My first term here was also horrible, I managed to stop myself from making any real friends due to anxieties over league tables and feeling like I'm in the wrong place whenever I heard dumb conversations both in the labs and elsewhere. Instead of just being able to move on and speak to different people instead, I obsess over what I just heard. My parents met at cambridge so it's kind of ingrained into me that I should be speaking to 'intellectual' people - they don't even care about my transfer and they're not worried at all, but I can't seem to get rid of the anxieties.

e.g. At one point I made a friend, but then I saw their CV and seeing their ABB vs my A*A*A literally made me anxious like I wanted to get away from them, haven't really spoke since. I don't even think of myself as a snob (but my dad is pretty snobby). To clarify, if I could stop caring, I would.

I saw various health professionals about this, explaining what was going through my mind, and two of them separately suggested that I may have traits of ASD. Previously I had already taken the test and scored 25 on the test (it's out of 50, and the threshold is 26). The other day, I scored 28, so if I do have it then it's a mild form, but present enough to cause chronic stress.

To try and put it into words: I am constantly worried about how my A-level results are out-of-place with my university choice.

I've managed to get a really good software engineering internship at a fantastic company, but this hasn't stopped the anxieties: I have some kind of underlying belief that, as I won't be graduating from a top 10 university, my career prospects are somewhat bottlenecked; there's only a certain level of job that I'm able to find; that there is some magnitude of incompetence associated with ppl who go to this uni; I hope that this isn't true and that it's the case that I do have traits of ASD, or GAD, or something.

I wasn't even doing particularly well at the previous university, my average was 2:1 and, as the doctor who I saw said, a 1st from this one might even serve me better.

Yet the anxieties persist

Anyone have thoughts? This is computer science btw - pls don't say yes based on this alone.

Many thanks
Go and see your student support department after christmas
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anon99874
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#3
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#3
(Original post by claireestelle)
Go and see your student support department after christmas
Which aspect of student support? I basically already have - the welfare officer, doctor, other accommodatiom ppl. I refuse to believe that there aren't people here who I'd be calm around, its just that the anxiety is stopping me from getting to know them - I figured posting here would help as I've previously been obsessed with this website and the opinions on the different universities that people expressed.
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claireestelle
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#4
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#4
(Original post by anon99874)
Which aspect of student support? I basically already have - the welfare officer, doctor, other accommodatiom ppl. I refuse to believe that there aren't people here who I'd be calm around, its just that the anxiety is stopping me from getting to know them - I figured posting here would help as I've previously been obsessed with this website and the opinions on the different universities that people expressed.
do they not offer a counselling service? could be worth a try if they do. Also perhaps the careers service could help by telling you factually how many people did go onto good careers from that university. Computer science isn't an industry that's about prestigious universities as far as I m aware.
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anon99874
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#5
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#5
(Original post by claireestelle)
do they not offer a counselling service? could be worth a try if they do. Also perhaps the careers service could help by telling you factually how many people did go onto good careers from that university. Computer science isn't an industry that's about prestigious universities as far as I m aware.
I'm inclined to not speak to the careers service as it'd be a weird/offensive conversation. But I'm aware that a few graduates have gone to work for Google/Microsoft, that's not the issue, it's that for some reason I am constantly worried that I'll be judged based on the position of the uni in the league tables, and that this will exclude me vs others if an employer ever needs to make a selection between me and others after interviews.
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claireestelle
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#6
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#6
(Original post by anon99874)
I'm inclined to not speak to the careers service as it'd be a weird/offensive conversation. But I'm aware that a few graduates have gone to work for Google/Microsoft, that's not the issue, it's that for some reason I am constantly worried that I'll be judged based on the position of the uni in the league tables, and that this will exclude me vs others if an employer ever needs to make a selection between me and others after interviews.
Look at grade scheme websites instead? It ll tell you their criteria
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anon99874
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#7
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#7
(Original post by claireestelle)
Look at grade scheme websites instead? It ll tell you their criteria
Yes - see I'm fully aware that the only option is for me to get as high marks as I possible can. But the problem is that, for some reason, my brain is unable to separate those from the brand/'prestige' of the uni as if its name is the only thing which matters. Which is why I'm beginning to think I am touching the edge of the spectrum.
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del1rious
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#8
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#8
I don’t know if you are autistic or you just need to get over yourself, you won’t last five minutes in the real world if you base your entire life around a few letters on a piece of paper.
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