"go to the doctor" is stupid advice

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Nalk1573
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The person already knows that such a thing called doctors exist and they can sometimes solve your problems.

I think that people are not actually looking for advice, but rather just want to get feelings off their chest.

I don't even think "advice" would work, that's not how problems get solved.

I think if you just speak to the person about the problem, being curious, then the person can decide what to do for themselves.
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Kevin De Bruyne
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(Original post by Nalk1573)
The person already knows that such a thing called doctors exist and they can sometimes solve your problems.

I think that people are not actually looking for advice, but rather just want to get feelings off their chest.

I don't even think "advice" would work, that's not how problems get solved.
May be true sometimes, not for all cases.
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Kindred
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(Original post by Nalk1573)
The person already knows that such a thing called doctors exist and they can sometimes solve your problems.

I think that people are not actually looking for advice, but rather just want to get feelings off their chest.

I don't even think "advice" would work, that's not how problems get solved.

Sometimes people are unsure about going to the doctor for whatever reason. I was. In cases like that it can help to have somebody tell you that it is a good idea. No it's not going to fix everything, but it can be a step in the right direction. It's a hell of a lot better than "man up" or "other people have it worse. Be more appreciative of what you have" at lest.

Some people will already know to see there doctor or may have even seen them already, but if you don't know that it's good to suggest it. Doctors are in a good position to help people with mental health issues and although listening, being understanding and giving some life advice is an important part of being supportive it can be quite useless without some of the base help your GP or a psych can set people up with.

But yeah if you know somebody with depression or other mental health struggles and all you do is say "see a doctor" and nothing else it's kinda useless in terms of actual support.

But saying what's wrong is easy. I think a lot of people know what they are doing isn't really helpful, but they don't know what else they can do.
What do you think would be more helpful? Maybe if you have some suggestions somebody can read them and end up being able to support somebody they know better.
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Kindred
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(Original post by Nalk1573)
I think if you just talk about the problem with the person,
the troubled person can figure out what to do for themselves.Then they will feel empowered and in control of their own life, instead of controlled and judged.
Quite true, but that's something going to the GP can get you. Doctors can help people get in touch with counsellors and therapists who can listen and talk when the person may have nobody else to talk with. Also, in some cases what to do will involve things that only doctors can offer.
Although just telling somebody to go see a GP isn't terribly supportive, the GP can be a very good person to be seeing and getting support from a doctor does not need to involve being controlled, judged or unimpowered. In fact, I would say one of the most brave and empowering things people can do is know and accept when they could benefit from support.

Talking with a person is a great idea and a good way to support somebody you know who is suffering. It can also be important for the person to see a doctor though and, especially when you aren't in a position to properly talk with somebody, making a suggestion that they see their doctor is a reasonable thing to do.

For me, having people suggest I see a doctor was really helpful and led to me making the decision to help myself by seeing them. Up until then I had been spiraling into a worse and worse position but still didn't think I needed or deserved the help of my GP.
It's through eventually seeing my GP though that I got therapy and to meet and talk with some people who I could relate to in a supportive and structured environment aimed at helping us to help ourselves.
Until then I was making the oh so independent and empowered decision to isolate myself and leave my issues to totally consume me.
I needed to see a doctor and I'm so thankful to all the people who told me that because they helped me feel like I deserved that help.
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Nalk1573
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(Original post by Kindred)
Sometimes people are unsure about going to the doctor for whatever reason. I was. In cases like that it can help to have somebody tell you that it is a good idea. No it's not going to fix everything, but it can be a step in the right direction. It's a hell of a lot better than "man up" or "other people have it worse. Be more appreciative of what you have" at lest.

Some people will already know to see there doctor or may have even seen them already, but if you don't know that it's good to suggest it. Doctors are in a good position to help people with mental health issues and although listening, being understanding and giving some life advice is an important part of being supportive it can be quite useless without some of the base help your GP or a psych can set people up with.

But yeah if you know somebody with depression or other mental health struggles and all you do is say "see a doctor" and nothing else it's kinda useless in terms of actual support.

But saying what's wrong is easy. I think a lot of people know what they are doing isn't really helpful, but they don't know what else they can do.
What do you think would be more helpful? Maybe if you have some suggestions somebody can read them and end up being able to support somebody they know better.
okay, since you asked


Will you please just listen?

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I shouldn't feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.

When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problem, I feel underestimated and disempowered.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do I feel offended, pressured and controlled.

When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed or discouraged, but I am not helpless.

When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.

But when you accept the way I feel, then I don't need to spend time and energy trying to defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it.
And when I do that, I don't need advice, just support, trust and encouragement.


Acknowledging the other person's feelings
Identifying the feelings
Offering to listen

Helping them label the feelings
Being there for them; remaining present physically and emotionally
Feeling patient
Feeling accepting and non-judgmental
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Kindred
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(Original post by Nalk1573)
okay, since you asked



Will you please just listen?

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I shouldn't feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.

When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problem, I feel underestimated and disempowered.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do I feel offended, pressured and controlled.

When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed or discouraged, but I am not helpless.

When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.

But when you accept the way I feel, then I don't need to spend time and energy trying to defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it.
And when I do that, I don't need advice, just support, trust and encouragement.


Acknowledging the other person's feelings
Identifying the feelings
Offering to listen
Helping them label the feelings
Being there for them; remaining present physically and emotionally
Feeling patient
Feeling accepting and non-judgmental
That is all great advice for how to approach somebody in a supportive way.
It is important to understand that people need to be able to feel their feelings, not just be bombarded with suggestions of what to do. Listing is one of the most supportive things you can do and you don't need to be able to fix things- just sympathise. It can be really exhausting trying to justify or hide things so just accepting somebody for who they are and how they feel can make such a difference.

Thank you for sharing that.
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Nalk1573
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there was an anorexic girl who posted here, and someone said , "you really need a doctor".

Do you honestly think that helps ? Do you even think she wanted advice ??

If my leg is falling off, I will see a doctor.
If I am confused and upset about something, I won't.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Nalk1573)
The person already knows that such a thing called doctors exist and they can sometimes solve your problems.

I think that people are not actually looking for advice, but rather just want to get feelings off their chest.

I don't even think "advice" would work, that's not how problems get solved.

I think if you just speak to the person about the problem, being curious, then the person can decide what to do for themselves.
It depends what for and they should use common sense.
If you are ill and it seems like you cant solve the issue yourself, then you should go to see the doctor. What do you think they exits for?

Calling people stupid for going is stupid itself.

The doctor is also someone that can provide confidential professional advice and are a gateway to other services. Some people are very reluctant to tell others and that could mean keeping a serious issue to themselves, when they could be ill.

As for getting things off your chest, then they should use common sense, but people have mental illnesses as well, so depression, stress, trauma can all be assessed and referred to other professionals i.e a counsellor or therapist and that would be a good reason to go to the GP.

It is better to speak to someone when you cant handle a situation than keep it to yourself and suffer. Doctors are trained and can quickly advise if its not appropriate for them and they need to see someone else. People should go to the doctor when they have appropriate health related concerns. It is sensible advice. It would be stupid and potentially dangerous for someone to tell them not to do so.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Nalk1573)
there was an anorexic girl who posted here, and someone said , "you really need a doctor".

Do you honestly think that helps ? Do you even think she wanted advice ??

If my leg is falling off, I will see a doctor.
If I am confused and upset about something, I won't.
Then you would be a fool and fail to appreciate that mental health issues exist and is very much an illness, even if you cant physically see it. In soem cases it leads to death.

It would be entirely right to get them to talk to their GP as a start to dealing with the issue and getting access or confirmation a person needs further help.

You shouldnt waste a doctors time and try to use some common sense, hut where you cant cope then its legitimate to go and see the doctor. Sometimes people leave things too late because they dont want to trouble anyone and as a result get very ill , where early intervention could have prevented it.

You are being remarkably backwards if you fail to recognise mental illness is an issue and just as valid to get medical treatment for as a broken leg.
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the bear
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there are quite a few medical professionals who use TSR.
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wastedcuriosity
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(Original post by Nalk1573)
there was an anorexic girl who posted here, and someone said , "you really need a doctor".

Do you honestly think that helps ? Do you even think she wanted advice ??

If my leg is falling off, I will see a doctor.
If I am confused and upset about something, I won't.
You do know anorexia can lead to death? It was completely the right thing to do to tell her to go to the doctors. As many people with eating disorders do, she might refuse this help but at least you know you've given her the correct advice. And it is the correct advice, because encouraging her behaviour or not suggesting that it is wrong, could lead to her just getting worse and worse. Same with depression, if someone tells you they're having suicidal thoughts, believe me, there is nothing you can say that will stop those thoughts. They NEED a doctor. I cannot stand idly and listen to someone threatening death and not tell them the right thing to do. If they do not want this kind of advice, ringing up the Samaritans is the better way to go.
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Nalk1573
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(Original post by the bear)
there are quite a few medical professionals who use TSR.
people need supportive friends and a supportive environment,

you don't have to be a trained professional to give that
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Tiger Rag
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If going to a doctor is just stupid, what's the solution then? There's only so much your friends can do.
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Vapormax
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It’s not bad advice when it’s the best thing you can do
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bones-mccoy
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When people on TSR ask for advice relating to mental health problems, a lot of responses are about seeking advice from a medical professional due to only a very, very small number of users being trained to correctly assess and advise the situation. Often, going to a GP is the first step in getting help as they can refer you to other professionals who are able to diagnose the individual and can also prescribe medications. Help and support from family and friends is invaluable but they can only do so much and should not be expected to act like GP's and psychiatrists themselves. Families can't administer the various types of counselling or prescribe drugs which can be beneficial to recovery. Ultimately, every situation is different, every experienced mental illness is different, as are a GP's own attitude towards mental health as a whole and the treatment options available. As another user has already said, it's not helpful to generalise and lump every individual with a mental illness together.
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