What will you be doing over the Easter break? >>

some advice please- cripplingly shy and unable to make new friends

I don't have many friends.
I can never think of anything to say.

well making friends is never easy when you're nervous.

you need to try talking to people that sit near to you in classes, maybe even talkt o the teachers and ask if they can sit you next to someone so you can get talking.

i know it'll be hard, but once you fid something in common you'll be able to form friendships with people.

try keep calm cool and relaxed and no matter how un natural it is try to have a conversation with someone, even if its something simple and work related, or if you see someone for example open a book and doodle in it, tell them what you think of their drawings and compliment them, they might hten be able to get into a vconversation with you.

finding similarities and appreciating each others abilities are great ways of making friends and if you start to get friendly with them, they will introduce you to their other friends. ok it will be very very wierd but its something you should consider trying.

Reply 2

emmentine

despite being confident in my answer i get that thing about shaking when you have to answer question - even know when i'm at uni i get it- i think the trick is to try and talk through it because after a while it starts going off after a quicker period.
As for the making friends thing you seem like a nice person so i'm sure friends will turn up, i found school tough and only really made proper friends in like year 10. But in the meantime what about joining something like scouts or swimming club or whatever might give u some friends in a different context and u might find one or two people from there go to your school. Out of school people can be totally different and if your doing something its easier to find something to talk about.

Reply 3

99p And A Flake

A tip for talking to people if you're a bit nervous is to imagine they feel the way you do, then try to put them at ease. Just go for random topics, doesn't have to be immensely deep and meaningful or anything. It's the effort that gets you places. Good luck with it :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

moved in to my new school around yr10. At first it was a bit hard settling in having moved to a new area and settling in.

First few months i never talked to anyone and always had to take my break outside the playground then a few months later i started talking to people first in my tutor, a simple conversation of "hi, hows it going" "what you been up to this weekend" or some subject matter would go along way. Talk to guys and gals. Join clubs, participate in PE teamwork does involve communication. Winter time it was too cold to go out and eat so i decided i wanted to sit in the canteen so i found some space between this guys in and asked them if i could sit there well 4 years on we are still great mates. We go out regularly for footie and some drinks.

Talk to different people you sit next to in your classes. Surely theres quite a lot of topic you can talk about, music, hobbies, football, religion etc...

It does take time but surely it comes naturally

Reply 5

Jackathon

Why don't you try asking for help from someone? Then from there you can build on to other topics. Good luck. :smile:

Reply 6

Alive

What are your interests? Find people with similar ones and chat about them. Form opinions, reasons behind them and think of things that could follow on from that for a conversation.

Why are you worried about being judged? The worse that can happen if you say what you think is that everybody thinks you are an *******. That's bad, but better than not being anything, or being something you are not.

And highly unlikely to happen in anycase.

There are also various books, like 92 ways to talk to anyone (or something like that) that might be of assistance, look them up on Amazon.

Reply 7

ColinOfEdinburgh

I won't give a page long reply but it's amazing how far saying 'Hi' to people can go. All of this takes some confidence though, and my school days weren't always fun to say the least - but it can change if you want it to :smile:

Reply 8

Bear_Grylls

Bget Pissed N The Worlds Hrs Lhsgfters Lol

Reply 9

ColinOfEdinburgh

Bear_Grylls

Bget Pissed N The Worlds Hrs Lhsgfters Lol

It is till the morning. Unless you stay drunk and avoid the hangover :cool:

But what we're doing here is condoning underage drinking and at TSR that's completely unacceptable! Indeed.

Reply 10

CatzGoBoom

Like Daniel said, try and talk to the people you sit by in class. Even if its just to ask them something about the work you're doing. Just get yourself comfortable speaking to them in general.

How about smiling at people? Don't walk around the corridors, head down, ignoring everyone that passes. If you recognise people from your classes, smile at them, say hello. You never know, they might approach you and try to engage in conversation.

Some advice that i was given, no less than 30 minutes ago, actually, just be yourself. Forget what people might be thinking about you. Don't try and tone down your responses just because you think people will judge you. Say what you feel (unless its going to offend someone).

Just take things one step at a time. If you make friends with just one person, say by the end of the month then that's brilliant. They're then likely to introduce you to their friends, and soon you'll know a few more people. And once you've got some confidence, you can go out and talk to more people.

Reply 11

Chowder

I was in more or less the same situation a couple of years back in Year 10. It's a long story, but basically, my ma and I moved to Canada when I was a toddler (I had poor health, and Canada offers a better environment than Hong Kong for any kid's upbringing) and my dad had to stay in Hong Kong because of his job (he's the sole breadwinner in the family), so I was basically brought up in Vancouver. Ten years later, my parents suddenly told me that Mom and I were to move back to Hong Kong, now that I was older and healthier. Was a huge shock, since all of my friends back then were people who went to my high school and elementary school. I already had to experience separation from my elementary school friends when they all went to the high school in their district (I lived in a different district) and I went to the one in mine. I did settle in well, and made a bunch of new friends...but then the news of the move came. It was really weird arriving at my new (current) school, a pretty prestigious British international school: never had I ever worn a school uniform before then, and never had I even heard of a British accent in real life (watching Harry Potter does not count). What was more weird was that in registration, I had a whole table (one of those huge ones built for around six people) to myself; the other kids in my form class didn't seem to want to talk to me, and at lunch time, I ate by myself. No wonder how much I tried to smile at people and initiate small talk with every opportunity I got, I didn't have much success with making new friends. Every day, I had to hold back tears until I got home, when I called my friends in Canada - despite the time difference - to tell them how miserable I was. This pretty much went on for the next two or three months. By then, I had had enough of being ignored and unspoken to, so my confidence overtook my shyness, and I began to talk to my classmates more. A year later, I was (and still am) best friends with one of the girls from my form class who didn't know what to make of me at first. Now? I have quite a few best friends at school, all of whom I do almost everything with. What's ironic is that it doesn't seem like the majority of my friends back in Canada are interested in keeping in touch with me any longer.

That was a very long read, haha, but I just wanted to share my personal experiences with you, 'cause having gone through them, I learnt my lesson that the only way you can get new friends is by shedding your fear and donning your confidence. To Hell with the consequences: they may or may not want to be your friends, but at least you've tried, and that's what matters. We have to go through life no matter what happens...and c'mon, what's life without friends? Go for it - who knows, you might find your bestest (is that even a word?!) friend for life here! :smile:

Reply 12

Boppy

If when you started high school you were able to make friends then im sure youll be able to now that your older. Perhaps joining classes outside of school would help. Me and my sister go dancing (not that were very good), which is an easy way to find people interested in the same things as you