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Girlfriend doesn't put any effort in.

I understand that I may come across as unappreciative, but hear me out...

I feel like I am always the one putting effort into everything, whilst she just coasts around kind of taking me for granted. I could explain many examples, but I am going to use just one.

Obviously yesterday was Christmas, and just a week before it was my birthday...and I feel like she didn't put much thought or effort into either. Firstly, on my birthday, she bought me a present for herself! She drinks Gin and tonic, and Bombay Sapphire Gin is her favourite. Well what a suprise when on the day of my birthday, she arrived at mine with a Waitrose bag, and inside it a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin, unwrapped. I can drink Gin, but it is far from what I would order at a bar out of choice, and I'm sure she knows that. In my mind, she bought it on her way to mine, to share with me... I felt a little dissapointed because for her birthday I had gone through a lot of effort and took her out for the day to the Beach and the Zoo and treated her all day, whereas for me, she just turns up with a carrier bag and an unwrapped bottle of her favourite drink, not even a card, and didn't make any effort in the evening such as when I cooked her favourite meal on the evening of hers.

Onto Christmas, I put thought into her gift and spent over budget to get her a really nice perfume that I knew she would love, and I paid for our Chistmas food and drink etc as we werw having Christmas around mine, just the 2 of us. For me, again, I made dinner on my own whilst she sat around and then when it came to exchanging gifts, I recieved an unwrapped 2018 calendar and a box of chocolates...it just felt like she didn't put any thought into it. I checked, and the calendar and chocolates came to £17, which considering she works full time and has more money than me whereas I am a self-sustaining student, compared to the £80 I saved for a while to afford her gift, it just seemed mismatched. I wouldn't pick at the money aspect if not for the fact that just last week she spent £60 on her hair, spends about £100 a month on makeup and often treats herself to luxuries.

This is just one example of how I feel she doesn't put effort into our relationship, and I am beginning to wonder whether I deserve better.
Communication is key, tell her a few things over the past months have upset you and you want to talk about

However, such a talk could lead to a break up if she realizes she isnt happy or wants different things
You deserve better she clearly doesn't care.
She could just be more carefree and laid back about giving presents.

Id say communication is key here. You should talk with her and express your feelings, how her actions are making you think/feel, etc.
Original post by Jaga93
I understand that I may come across as unappreciative, but hear me out...

I feel like I am always the one putting effort into everything, whilst she just coasts around kind of taking me for granted. I could explain many examples, but I am going to use just one.

Obviously yesterday was Christmas, and just a week before it was my birthday...and I feel like she didn't put much thought or effort into either. Firstly, on my birthday, she bought me a present for herself! She drinks Gin and tonic, and Bombay Sapphire Gin is her favourite. Well what a suprise when on the day of my birthday, she arrived at mine with a Waitrose bag, and inside it a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin, unwrapped. I can drink Gin, but it is far from what I would order at a bar out of choice, and I'm sure she knows that. In my mind, she bought it on her way to mine, to share with me... I felt a little dissapointed because for her birthday I had gone through a lot of effort and took her out for the day to the Beach and the Zoo and treated her all day, whereas for me, she just turns up with a carrier bag and an unwrapped bottle of her favourite drink, not even a card, and didn't make any effort in the evening such as when I cooked her favourite meal on the evening of hers.

Onto Christmas, I put thought into her gift and spent over budget to get her a really nice perfume that I knew she would love, and I paid for our Chistmas food and drink etc as we werw having Christmas around mine, just the 2 of us. For me, again, I made dinner on my own whilst she sat around and then when it came to exchanging gifts, I recieved an unwrapped 2018 calendar and a box of chocolates...it just felt like she didn't put any thought into it. I checked, and the calendar and chocolates came to £17, which considering she works full time and has more money than me whereas I am a self-sustaining student, compared to the £80 I saved for a while to afford her gift, it just seemed mismatched. I wouldn't pick at the money aspect if not for the fact that just last week she spent £60 on her hair, spends about £100 a month on makeup and often treats herself to luxuries.

This is just one example of how I feel she doesn't put effort into our relationship, and I am beginning to wonder whether I deserve better.


You need to talk to her about these issues as people said further up, communication is the key.
A girl shouldn't have to buy a gift for her boyfriend, it's the man's job to do the working and getting the money and the gifts
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
A girl shouldn't have to buy a gift for her boyfriend, it's the man's job to do the working and getting the money and the gifts


Awful attempt at trolling. If not, then god help you with an attitude like that.
Reply 7
It doesn't seem like she cares about making an effort. Talk to her and dump her if she won't change.
Original post by Anonymous
A girl shouldn't have to buy a gift for her boyfriend, it's the man's job to do the working and getting the money and the gifts


completely disagree
Original post by Anonymous
A girl shouldn't have to buy a gift for her boyfriend, it's the man's job to do the working and getting the money and the gifts


Even if you wholeheartedly believed that it was a man's job to get the money and to spend, that's no excuse for a girl giving a guy a gift that shows she clearly didn't care. She could have given him something that doesn't cost much that still shows she cares, and she could have, for example, planned and cooked a nice celebratory dinner for him which wouldn't have cost much.
As above. Talk to her, explain how you feel. She wont accept the criticisms, or try to change? Dump her. You deserve better.

Spoiler

You deserve much better! My boyfriend treat me the exact same way, I used to always spend over budget (baring in mind I was at uni and had hardly any money) and he’d only spend around £25. I don’t mind but I could tell he put no thought into the gifts. He’d also make me pay for everything, where as I would rather go halfs. It did upset me and as soon as we split he got with someone else less than a month later. Try having a word with her and explain how you feel as that may help but just remember that no matter what there will be someone out there that will appreciate you a lot more than what she does. :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
You deserve much better! My boyfriend treat me the exact same way, I used to always spend over budget (baring in mind I was at uni and had hardly any money) and he’d only spend around £25. I don’t mind but I could tell he put no thought into the gifts. He’d also make me pay for everything, where as I would rather go halfs. It did upset me and as soon as we split he got with someone else less than a month later. Try having a word with her and explain how you feel as that may help but just remember that no matter what there will be someone out there that will appreciate you a lot more than what she does. :smile:


:biggrin: what a bad gf and you are just an angel on earth :biggrin::biggrin:
Dump her. Girls like that think that it's only them that deserve all the special lots of effort **** and don't see that it works both ways. If you got her crappy gifts and made little effort she would complain. The hypocrisy is real.
Dump the *****. She doesn't care or put any effort into your relationship. It's obvious that all she cares about is spending money on herself and receiving expensive gifts from you, but shows no shame about buying you a pathetic calendar and a cheap box of chocolates in return. I would be livid. Get rid of her.


Original post by Anonymous
Dump her. Girls like that think that it's only them that deserve all the special lots of effort **** and don't see that it works both ways. If you got her crappy gifts and made little effort she would complain. The hypocrisy is real.


Absolutely 100% true. Respect.
They're pretty bad gifts....it's even just the fact that she couldn't be bothered to wrap them! Even if you're not great at picking out presents at least go to some form of effort to make it look like you've tried...jeez.

The way I see it, there are three options:

1. Don't do or say anything and continue to feel unappreciated and unhappy
2. Talk to her about how you're feeling. At least that way things might improve.
3. Really think about how you feel, and whether you want to continue the relationship. If you don't particularly, and you don't think talking to her will help, well...you know what to do. End things and find someone who will appreciate you.

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