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    #1

    Hi

    I’m starting to get so irritated. Last year I studied in London and stayed home and gave my mum 2000 pounds off my loan.

    It wasn’t a lump sum but small bits and bobs. I even paid for her holiday, stuff like Ubers. I thought she’d pay me back but she didn’t.

    I wanted to open up a savings account and she was against it. I ended moving to Scotland for uni and needed money since my loan was coming late. She refused to give me a penny.
    Now here I am back for Christmas and she’s got 600 pounds off me and my account is in negative.

    She’s booked a luxurious Dubai trip and she’s said that’s how she’s paid me back. Should I be angry or let it go?
    • #2
    #2

    I know she's your mum but stop giving her your money. You're giving her money then complaining about it, you could've just refused to give her. Tell her to book her own holiday. You're going to be paying back the loan not her.
    • #3
    #3

    What kind of scum takes money off their children? She should be providing for you, not the other way round.

    I could understand if the circumstances were different, for example, if you were actually in a position where you could help her, and she was in a position where she desperately needed help...but you're a student, giving up your loans (which you have to pay back) to fund her excessive lifestyle? Nah.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Now here I am back for Christmas and she’s got 600 pounds off me and my account is in negative.
    Well, at least you've got a life lesson out of it. Never give money to unreliable, financially irresponsible people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi

    I’m starting to get so irritated. Last year I studied in London and stayed home and gave my mum 2000 pounds off my loan.

    It wasn’t a lump sum but small bits and bobs. I even paid for her holiday, stuff like Ubers. I thought she’d pay me back but she didn’t.

    I wanted to open up a savings account and she was against it. I ended moving to Scotland for uni and needed money since my loan was coming late. She refused to give me a penny.
    Now here I am back for Christmas and she’s got 600 pounds off me and my account is in negative.

    She’s booked a luxurious Dubai trip and she’s said that’s how she’s paid me back. Should I be angry or let it go?
    Don't be angry because that is wasted energy because she obviously doesn't get it that she can't behave like that. She should not be taking money off you and you shouldn't be giving it to her so don't do it again. It isn't your place to support her. I have 7 adult children and they all pay for anything I need at uni, books etc, and help me out financially when I am stuck.
    You have to tell her that there is no more.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What kind of scum takes money off their children? She should be providing for you, not the other way round.

    I could understand if the circumstances were different, for example, if you were actually in a position where you could help her, and she was in a position where she desperately needed help...but you're a student, giving up your loans (which you have to pay back) to fund her excessive lifestyle? Nah.
    Once someone's 18, it's only fair to pay rent to parents if you are staying in their house.
    That's the adult thing to do. At £2000 for a year (did that include food?) of living in London, his mum was subsidising him - a lot if food was included.


    If they are going ahead and booking holidays for you, without your express prior consent, and then demanding that you pay for that holiday, then that is out of order and you are quite entitled to pay them nothing and get them to cancel your holiday.
    If, on the other hand you agreed to go on holiday with them, on the basis that you would pay your way, then it's fair enough for them to ask you for £600.

    At the end of the day, she is your mother, and I don't think it's worth falling out with her for the sake of £2600.

    And if the OP wants to open a savings account, go ahead and do so and .... (insert expletive) what anyone else says, including mum.
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    You have two options

    Either, stop giving her any money or if you are going to continue lending her money, write up a contract which specifies the amount and how it will be paid back. You will then have grounds to sue her, if she doesnt.
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    if you want your money back and even more win her heart and make her love you to death, by showing you appreciate her and being extra extra extra kind to her, smile at her, praise her, cook for her, and she'll be willing to do anything for you.
    just be super nice and she will eventually feel guilty and give you back your money.in shaa Allah
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    (Original post by Jack22031994)
    You have two options

    Either, stop giving her any money or if you are going to continue lending her money, write up a contract which specifies the amount and how it will be paid back. You will then have grounds to sue her, if she doesnt.
    my goodness, how could you say such vile words.
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    (Original post by pineappleexpres)
    my goodness, how could you say such vile words.
    I'm sorry, she shouldnt be using his student loan to go to Dubai, and I'm sure the OP wasnt giving her it to do that. He would have grounds to sue, if he wanted to.

    The better option is to not lend her any at all. It isnt like the OP is rich or anything, he' a student who is in debt.

    And suing her is not worse than her (a mum, taking money from her child he is in debt) to go on very expensive lavish holiday?
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    Dude, i know she is your mom and all but mom's don't treat there children like that. She is supposed to be paying for you and helping you out , not the other way around. Don't take this the wrong way it is right and encouraged to help your parents depending on the circumstance, but there are limits. However i don't know if it might be you cant say no it might be hard for your shy or that you don't want to upset your mom, also have to blame yourself as you can simply have said yes or no. And you said yes. If your mom is also taking without consent then shame on her and its her fault. Especially since this is your student loan and you need it for your education.

    NO offence dude it looks like your mom is using you and you shouldn't have to be in this situation after all its your money keep it and don't give it to her no matter what. Its your money and account if it was for education, essentials i get it but luxurious trip to Dubai not with her money sorry thats crossing the line. my advice is to tell her to not ask you for money again , and its not her money its your hard-worked money. So you have a right whether to say yes or no. And also calculate all the money she took from you and tell her she has to find a way to owe you back as a start because that is just bad.

    BUt also don't take this the wrong way and become greedy and so needy for your money no you need your money to live, ofc. BUt take what your mom did as a lesson to prevent future mistakes, and be more aware and confident for whats yours.
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    (Original post by pineappleexpres)
    my goodness, how could you say such vile words.
    Not vile at all. Certainly not as vile as leaving her offspring with no money and refusing to help. The woman is taking the piss - end of.
    • #4
    #4

    To be honest, it sounds like she's taking the piss. Your student debt would be bad enough if you were the only person using the loans, so she's only making it worse, and the "student" is in the name for a reason- she's not meant to be using it, really. The rent is one thing - although people would debate the ethics of charging their child to live with them - that could potentially justify her using your student loan, but I can't think why she wouldn't have helped you out when you got to Scotland (considering she could have sent you some of that 2 grand she had no problem taking off you in the first place)

    Personally, if someone pulled that Dubai stunt with me, I'd say, calmly, "hey, I don't want to go to Dubai, so can I have back the money I put up for it?" and then if she reacts badly, just say "I really hate to ask, but my bank account is in the negative and I can't really afford to go on holiday right now, is the thing... I just have other things I need to pay for, like bills, insurance, food, ect. and a trip to Dubai is simply not where my money should be going."

    If she still refuses to give you your money then you might have to go balls to the wall and remind her that you no longer live with her, are nearing financial independence, are a legal adult, and (although I know this sounds bad) tell her that if she keeps taking you for granted, then you might be less enthusiastic about coming home or going on holidays in future.
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    (Original post by Jack22031994)
    You have two options

    Either, stop giving her any money or if you are going to continue lending her money, write up a contract which specifies the amount and how it will be paid back. You will then have grounds to sue her, if she doesnt.
    I think the OP would be entitled to sue, but that may cause a rift that can't be healed. They should try to reason with their mum to begin with, although that may not be possible.

    I think what your mum has done is disgusting and that she is showing you no respect. If you can't talk to her about this without getting angry (understandable), then think about showing her this thread.
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    (Original post by pineappleexpres)
    my goodness, how could you say such vile words.
    OP's mother set a standard with her vile attitude of grotesque narcissism.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi

    I’m starting to get so irritated. Last year I studied in London and stayed home and gave my mum 2000 pounds off my loan.

    It wasn’t a lump sum but small bits and bobs. I even paid for her holiday, stuff like Ubers. I thought she’d pay me back but she didn’t.

    I wanted to open up a savings account and she was against it. I ended moving to Scotland for uni and needed money since my loan was coming late. She refused to give me a penny.
    Now here I am back for Christmas and she’s got 600 pounds off me and my account is in negative.

    She’s booked a luxurious Dubai trip and she’s said that’s how she’s paid me back. Should I be angry or let it go?
    2k off your loan? Bloody hell. That could be a student's food shopping for a year (a comfortable food shop, too).

    Show your mother your negative balance and tell her you have been sucked dry. You clearly have nothing more to give her.
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    Be angry. This woman may have given birth to you but you're still your own person. She borrowed money off you, and should have to pay you back. Not with a holiday but with money.
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    (Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
    Once someone's 18, it's only fair to pay rent to parents if you are staying in their house.
    That's the adult thing to do. At £2000 for a year (did that include food?) of living in London, his mum was subsidising him - a lot if food was included.


    If they are going ahead and booking holidays for you, without your express prior consent, and then demanding that you pay for that holiday, then that is out of order and you are quite entitled to pay them nothing and get them to cancel your holiday.
    If, on the other hand you agreed to go on holiday with them, on the basis that you would pay your way, then it's fair enough for them to ask you for £600.

    At the end of the day, she is your mother, and I don't think it's worth falling out with her for the sake of £2600.

    And if the OP wants to open a savings account, go ahead and do so and .... (insert expletive) what anyone else says, including mum.
    I disagree with this. My sister is 22 and lives at home, while working, but doesn’t pay a penny of rent.

    A student loan is for the sake of the student. Not a single penny should go towards the parents. Particularly if you’re 18 and at University - Your at home like 1/3-1/4 of the time anyway. Should you be paying rent both at home and at your accommodation?

    I understand some people over 18 living at home will have to contribute somehow, solely because the parents can’t afford it. But in this instance, it was a selfish parent wanting money she had no right to have.
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    Treat your parents as you'd treat anyone else when it comes to money... The amount of money you've given her is ridiculous. Parent or not, sh*t like this is not acceptable. Being a parent doesn't give you a magical cover for being an *******. Do what you can to get by and make her repay if you, if she doesn't? £2.6K isn't exactly a small amount of money, and because you've felt pressured by your own parent to give them money, you're now in the negative, and presumably incurring interest on an overdrawn account.

    When you're in a better position financially (the sort that allows you to move out and at least rent), make her repay the £2.6K plus any interest you incurred because of her, and perhaps a slice of your own interest on the money you loaned her... If she doesn't? You do you, but personally, I'd say you're well within your right to drop contact or w/e... Being a parent doesn't make you immune from these decisions when you pull sh*t like this.

    Also, the contract idea sounds pretty good... That way you could, if you wanted to, drop contact AND get your money back.
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    two words: judge rinder

    but in all seriousness stop giving your mum money and get some kind of contract in place so you start getting your money back
 
 
 
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