uni woes, making me feel really emotionally lost Watch
Like a lot of posts its about uni woes, not making friends etc. Just getting me down because it's making me realise how hard I find it to make friends. The thing is at school I had one really close friend who I could confide in and felt totally relaxed, shared everything etc. Now coming into an environment where I haven't got anyone makes me feel really unrelaxed. I guess you could say having had that gives me high expectations of what a friend is, but i dont even have people around who invite me out to things or who seem enthusiastic when I ask them (there's always some sort of excuse). The people at uni who I have the best time around because I feel more at ease, fair enough not totally, when I see them on a night out give me the impression that they dont like me. I know that sounds weird, but I get a strong vibe that they dont want me to be anything more than someone who's there when there's a party or something on.
Problem is I keep on saying to myself that im not going to hang out with that lot to try and get to know other people more because becoming friends with them doesnt seem to be working. However I never have a good until they come and end up hanging out with them.
Facing the idea that I may not make close friends really gets to me. My self esteem is declining, especially looking at all my school mates and how by now have a group of friends makes me think there's something wrong with me for not having that. I mean im not exactly the heart of the party or anything. I feel I probably annoy people, because everytime I call someone to ask if they want to do something I get the whole, ah no not him again impression.
Anyway I could probably go on about loads of other stuff, how its affecting my ability to do work etc. But i wont so it doesnt get too long.
Im just posting on here because I really dont know what to do and basically looking for different opinions. Next year I wont be in halls and will probably only see the mates iv made (which at this point is none). Iv looked at the societies and none of them really appeal (joined a couple), im not that sporty or drama so that rules out a lot. Im musical but not of those societies suit me (i dont play an orchestral instrument or anything). Atm i only really end up doing anything if theres an organised thing on. I hope this makes sense and iv expressed myself well. Sorry if your thinking not another one of these posts, I felt my situation was sort of different with the whole people know me but dont seem to like me and also the whole maybe im expecting too much?
Try and stay relaxed about the situation - you're right, a lot of people are in the same boat, so it's not as hard to connect as you may think, and if you stay calm, people will see the real you = better friendships.
Yeah what you say about getting to know people on my course does make sense as theres not so much an egg timer in the amount of time I have to get to know people as I can build friendships in small steps rather than feeling I have to rush things.
what you say britishseapower about learning to live with it I have thought about, and lowering my expectations does make sense. But then again I guess theres a balance as it would be depressing not making any new friends at all...problem with getting myself out there is when I do I feel at this stage its negative because Im getting so worked up about it
My advice to you is not to give up. Strike up a conversation with anyone, even if it looks as though these people are settled and have found their best mates, it's sometimes just an act. Just remember there are people in the same position as you. I was in tears a good few times last term because I didn't think I would make good mates (and I still don't think I will) even though on the outside it may look like i'm perfectly happy. And I commute to uni aswell, so I have fewer chances to bump into randoms.
But your situation is very similar to mine as I had a very close mate at 6th form aswell and now I feel extremely on edge and like I have to put too much effort in the friendships I have at uni.
Sorry this is all muddled up but yea. Just keep going and good luck. And I do agree with britishseapower to an extent but tbh I think you shouldn't give up so easily. Give it a little more time.