Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
#1
Please keep this anonymous as some people know my online name on here and I wouldn't want them reading this knowing it's me.

My family aren't very supportive. They sort of expect me to know all that I should to be ready for the world, and truth is, I'm not. I'm off to university in September, and my parents have had a huge say in where I go - as soon as I got the mail (which they opened first) it was decided that I was going to that university because it's local, it looks good, and I have family over there. I feel very sheltered. There's a lot I don't know about, but I really don't wish to discuss them on here.

My siblings are older than me, and they seem to be getting on with their own lives and neglecting family altogether. They drop by on weekends, are in and out, and really make me feel worthless when they come over. Also, I don't think my friends are that supportive. When times get difficult, I don't hear from them. They cut themselves off innocently, and maybe it's because I have that care-free, laid back approach most of the time, but everyone needs someone to rely on and to support them.

How do you get yourselves through hard times without people? I'm in a bit of a rut. I can't seem to get anything done, and I have so much I want to do before I go off to uni - I have exams, coursework, building up my physique, driving lessons, getting a part time job etc. It's very tough trying to go about everything by myself. How do other people manage it? It's too late for me to try and get a better group of people around me now, I only have a few months before college ends, and I don't know many people outside of it.
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woofums
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#2
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i feel the same. are you the youngest of your parents children, because i think that they dont want to lose their last child as they are probably scared of what their lives will be like?
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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(Original post by sophiejr15)
i feel the same. are you the youngest of your parents children, because i think that they dont want to lose their last child as they are probably scared of what their lives will be like?
yep, I'm the youngest. I do get the feeling that they kind of "gave up" when it came to me because I was the last child and they didn't raise me to the best of their ability if I'm honest, and I've told them that. There's things that have made me thought that, but again, don't wish to discuss. My dad doesn't even know what day my b'day is! But I don't hold anything against my parents whatsoever.
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BibbleJW
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#4
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Ok, first off, it's never too late to make new friends. Cliche, I know, but it is true. I had a good group of friends around me at school, then went and got a job, met new people, made new friends, and again with another job, but I tried not to neglect the ones I had first.

Now, to go from the top. It sounds like your parents are very controlling, which some people don't mind, and they are probably reacting to your "laid back" attitude. If you want them to stop, just talk to them. If you want to go to a different uni, and break out on your own, the first step is to tell them.

As to your siblings, you might need to have a word with them, too. If they make you feel bad every time they are over, then they should at least know that they are doing it. There is, or course, the possibility that they already know, and are jerks. Sad thought, but it happens. In this case, just ignore them. Find somewhere else to be when they come home. A friends house, work (I know you said that you don't have a job yet, but we'll get to that), or just somewhere that isn't home.

For the rest of it, you need to prioritise. For instance, I would put looking for a job, and driving on hold until the current lot of coursework is over (if you are like me and have left it all to the last minute). Driving can be picked up again later, and it is probably a good idea to wait until you have the time to devote to a job, before you go looking for one, means that if they say they want you to work X hours a week, you can, never get a second chance at a first impression, etc.
Working out might be best used as a reward (note, not excuse) for revision/coursework. It's a good way of "getting away from it all".

Hope that is of some help.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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(Original post by BibbleJW)
Ok, first off, it's never too late to make new friends. Cliche, I know, but it is true. I had a good group of friends around me at school, then went and got a job, met new people, made new friends, and again with another job, but I tried not to neglect the ones I had first.

Now, to go from the top. It sounds like your parents are very controlling, which some people don't mind, and they are probably reacting to your "laid back" attitude. If you want them to stop, just talk to them. If you want to go to a different uni, and break out on your own, the first step is to tell them.

As to your siblings, you might need to have a word with them, too. If they make you feel bad every time they are over, then they should at least know that they are doing it. There is, or course, the possibility that they already know, and are jerks. Sad thought, but it happens. In this case, just ignore them. Find somewhere else to be when they come home. A friends house, work (I know you said that you don't have a job yet, but we'll get to that), or just somewhere that isn't home.

For the rest of it, you need to prioritise. For instance, I would put looking for a job, and driving on hold until the current lot of coursework is over (if you are like me and have left it all to the last minute). Driving can be picked up again later, and it is probably a good idea to wait until you have the time to devote to a job, before you go looking for one, means that if they say they want you to work X hours a week, you can, never get a second chance at a first impression, etc.
Working out might be best used as a reward (note, not excuse) for revision/coursework. It's a good way of "getting away from it all".

Hope that is of some help.
Yep, this helped a lot. I want to prioritise better and may treat working out as a 'get away' from work, because I am constantly doing my sodding work. I am keen to drive though, because I think that when I do start driving, it will be my get away from my siblings on the weekends. I thnik that driving gives you more freedom, and I'll be more able to just get in my car and drive off to the places I want to go on weekends. I have my first lesson in over a week.
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Sarahl89
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#6
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dont let them have a say in what uni you go to!! Did you choose your choices yourself? if so choose the one you want & not just because its close to home & conveniant for your rents!! :O cant believe some parents.
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BibbleJW
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#7
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I do agree that driving is important. When I started to drive, I was able to get my fist proper job, which was fantastic for me to meet new people, and actually learn how the world works. But, I am merely trying to make the point that it might be worth putting driving on hold until more pressing matters are over with (coursework and exams are the main ones). Alternatively, if you have a friend who can act as the "responsible adult" in the car (i.e. held a license for 3 years, etc.) it could be another "get away" activity.
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