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    Unsure if this is posted in the correct forum - didn't see any kind of "Housing" board?

    Anyway, just had a confrontation with a housemate of mine and just want to see what other people think. I'll give a bit of background info.

    I've been sharing houses for 4+ years now, always single tenancy, never lived with friends. I've seen it all. I've had noisey housemates, unclean housemates, I've been stolen from, had people take advantage of me and even had a landlord try and palm £1000's worth of council tax onto me (unsucceessfully). I'm at a point in my life now where I'm not willing to jump through the hoops of treading on eggshells to keep housemates from potentially hating me.

    In my current house, I've lived here since August 2016 and have seen housemates come and go. Some I have got along with brilliantly, others not so much. At the moment it is me (female), another girl and three lads. The lads are incredibly unclean, leaving dirty dishes, pots and pans to fester next to the sink for days, if not weeks, at a time.

    Roll forward to the run up to the Christmas just gone, and the other girl and two of the lads leave to, I assume, go home for Christmas so it's me and the one remaining lad in the house. He is pretty filthy but on his own it's manageable. I didn't have the luxury of going home for Christmas due to work commitments so I was left with the used cutlery, plates, oven dishes and pans in a pile next to the kitchen sink (which had already been there for a good few days before anyone even left the house). I ignore it for a few days and then the cleaners come (as they do weekly) and moved that pile from the counter to the sink so they could clean the kitchen surfaces. I then left the stuff in the sink for another few days and had to use the tiny drainer to wash my own things. It got to a point where the stuff in the sink was beginning to smell, and badly. I became tired of this and started to think about my own health. Here I am trying to clean things next to something that is full of dirt and rancid half-eaten food. So I put it all into a bin bag and set it by the back door on the kitchen floor. That stuff sat there for over another week still, as the cleaners came back around the Wednesday after Christmas. And they threw the bin bag out.

    Roll forward and one of the lads came back and didn't say anything about it, didn't query any missing items so I just assume he doesn't care. But tonight I was confronted by the other one who went away over Christmas. He asked where his things were and I explained what happened. They were in the sink for a while, started to smell, I put it in a bin bag and then the cleaners must've thrown it out. He starts to say how that's basically theft and now he can't cook, he has so go out and buy new things now because >I< threw his stuff away. I explained that I didn't throw it all out, and that maybe he should have some more consideration, both for the communal areas and his own property. Then he called me a *****, lmao.

    Anyway, I don't deal well with confrontation really and I get a bit flustered when I have someone in my face having a go at me. I'm just wondering what's the next best step, if any at all? I thought about complaining to my land lord but maybe that's a bit too much. If he complains about me, do I have anything to worry about? I didn't steal his things, that's laughable and I didn't personally throw them out either so what would he have to complain about? I guess he'll live out his tenancy hating me and I do feel quite bad for what I did in hindsight, maybe I over-reacted but what does he expect? For other people to live around his filth?
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    (Original post by princesscharming)
    Unsure if this is posted in the correct forum - didn't see any kind of "Housing" board?

    Anyway, just had a confrontation with a housemate of mine and just want to see what other people think. I'll give a bit of background info.

    I've been sharing houses for 4+ years now, always single tenancy, never lived with friends. I've seen it all. I've had noisey housemates, unclean housemates, I've been stolen from, had people take advantage of me and even had a landlord try and palm £1000's worth of council tax onto me (unsucceessfully). I'm at a point in my life now where I'm not willing to jump through the hoops of treading on eggshells to keep housemates from potentially hating me.

    In my current house, I've lived here since August 2016 and have seen housemates come and go. Some I have got along with brilliantly, others not so much. At the moment it is me (female), another girl and three lads. The lads are incredibly unclean, leaving dirty dishes, pots and pans to fester next to the sink for days, if not weeks, at a time.

    Roll forward to the run up to the Christmas just gone, and the other girl and two of the lads leave to, I assume, go home for Christmas so it's me and the one remaining lad in the house. He is pretty filthy but on his own it's manageable. I didn't have the luxury of going home for Christmas due to work commitments so I was left with the used cutlery, plates, oven dishes and pans in a pile next to the kitchen sink (which had already been there for a good few days before anyone even left the house). I ignore it for a few days and then the cleaners come (as they do weekly) and moved that pile from the counter to the sink so they could clean the kitchen surfaces. I then left the stuff in the sink for another few days and had to use the tiny drainer to wash my own things. It got to a point where the stuff in the sink was beginning to smell, and badly. I became tired of this and started to think about my own health. Here I am trying to clean things next to something that is full of dirt and rancid half-eaten food. So I put it all into a bin bag and set it by the back door on the kitchen floor. That stuff sat there for over another week still, as the cleaners came back around the Wednesday after Christmas. And they threw the bin bag out.

    Roll forward and one of the lads came back and didn't say anything about it, didn't query any missing items so I just assume he doesn't care. But tonight I was confronted by the other one who went away over Christmas. He asked where his things were and I explained what happened. They were in the sink for a while, started to smell, I put it in a bin bag and then the cleaners must've thrown it out. He starts to say how that's basically theft and now he can't cook, he has so go out and buy new things now because >I< threw his stuff away. I explained that I didn't throw it all out, and that maybe he should have some more consideration, both for the communal areas and his own property. Then he called me a *****, lmao.

    Anyway, I don't deal well with confrontation really and I get a bit flustered when I have someone in my face having a go at me. I'm just wondering what's the next best step, if any at all? I thought about complaining to my land lord but maybe that's a bit too much. If he complains about me, do I have anything to worry about? I didn't steal his things, that's laughable and I didn't personally throw them out either so what would he have to complain about? I guess he'll live out his tenancy hating me and I do feel quite bad for what I did in hindsight, maybe I over-reacted but what does he expect? For other people to live around his filth?
    It was a genuine mistake that they were thrown out, unfortunately i dont think there's a way to get him to change, if they've gotten to this age and not became tidy I don't think there's anything you can say. The only thing that springs to mind is to very delicately ask where he'd like his dishes to be left if he won't do them that day.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    It was a genuine mistake that they were thrown out, unfortunately i dont think there's a way to get him to change, if they've gotten to this age and not became tidy I don't think there's anything you can say. The only thing that springs to mind is to very delicately ask where he'd like his dishes to be left if he won't do them that day.
    I doubt he'll see it as a genuine mistake though. He had a frying pan go missing when he first moved in and he asked me about it back then. I didn't know anything about it and he brought it up again tonight so I figure that he's convinced it's me just throwing people's stuff out willy-nilly.
    It can already be awkward enough in shared houses and I'm afraid I'm going to become the "bad guy" among the rest of them. But then a part of me just thinks "So what?" These people aren't my friends, I'm just trying to get on with my life and feel like if I'm already paying through the nose to live in this house, can't I at least expect cleanliness to some degree in the communal areas? Wouldn't they want the same? It baffles me.
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    (Original post by princesscharming)
    I doubt he'll see it as a genuine mistake though. He had a frying pan go missing when he first moved in and he asked me about it back then. I didn't know anything about it and he brought it up again tonight so I figure that he's convinced it's me just throwing people's stuff out willy-nilly.
    It can already be awkward enough in shared houses and I'm afraid I'm going to become the "bad guy" among the rest of them. But then a part of me just thinks "So what?" These people aren't my friends, I'm just trying to get on with my life and feel like if I'm already paying through the nose to live in this house, can't I at least expect cleanliness to some degree in the communal areas? Wouldn't they want the same? It baffles me.
    Some people don't mature well when they move out, or they are just lazy so unfortunately they can't or don't want to clean up their own messes. Could you consider moving to an option with people you do know, or know to be tidy at least?
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    Whoah whoah whoah... did you just assume their gender? Also, you should have told them you put that persons stuff in the bag when you did, it is basically theft what happened and it was your fault. If I put your stuff in a trash bag , and left it where the cleaner was without telling and the cleaner took it cos it’s clearly a trash bag who is at fault? Of course me. Own up to your mistakes and pay for the stuff
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Some people don't mature well when they move out, or they are just lazy so unfortunately they can't or don't want to clean up their own messes. Could you consider moving to an option with people you do know, or know to be tidy at least?
    Moving isn't out of the question, but it would just be a hassle. I've got just under a month until my PGT dissertation is due, I work part time and plus there isn't really anyone that I know who I could move in with. Uni friends are either in their own private flats or in PGT accom.

    Besides, why should I move out? I'm not going to run away at the cost of £100's for me, just because his poundland pots and pans got thrown out, lmao.
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    (Original post by princesscharming)
    Moving isn't out of the question, but it would just be a hassle. I've got just under a month until my PGT dissertation is due, I work part time and plus there isn't really anyone that I know who I could move in with. Uni friends are either in their own private flats or in PGT accom.

    Besides, why should I move out? I'm not going to run away at the cost of £100's for me, just because his poundland pots and pans got thrown out, lmao.
    I think you should just try to block out the mess until you can get out of the situation. You could try and politely see if they will at least move their mess but i can't see much luck really.
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    (Original post by tinycharlie)
    Whoah whoah whoah... did you just assume their gender? Also, you should have told them you put that persons stuff in the bag when you did, it is basically theft what happened and it was your fault. If I put your stuff in a trash bag , and left it where the cleaner was without telling and the cleaner took it cos it’s clearly a trash bag who is at fault? Of course me. Own up to your mistakes and pay for the stuff
    No contact details, couldn't let them know. And to be honest, if I left filthy dishes in the sink before leaving to go away for 2 to 3 weeks, I wouldn't expect anyone to have to cook and clean around that. Maybe you're a little bit self-entitled.
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    (Original post by princesscharming)
    No contact details, couldn't let them know. And to be honest, if I left filthy dishes in the sink before leaving to go away for 2 to 3 weeks, I wouldn't expect anyone to have to cook and clean around that. Maybe you're a little bit self-entitled.
    Oh lol.... he left dirty dishes in the dam commons for Christmas... I thought he was in the form with you. W/e ur fine, might calm him down if u hugged him
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    (Original post by tinycharlie)
    Oh lol.... he left dirty dishes in the dam commons for Christmas... I thought he was in the form with you. W/e ur fine, might calm him down if u hugged him
    Woah woah woah..... did you just assume their gender?
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    (Original post by princesscharming)
    Woah woah woah..... did you just assume their gender?
    Go in his rooom, lock the door,, jump on his bed with him and hug him hard, he will forgive u
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    You should never rent a place without a dishwasher, hover, ironing board, shower, working heating system ...etc etc ...or it will come back to haunt you

    tbh I think that you played a pivotal role in getting his stuff thrown out even though you didn't actually do it, ...however under the circumstances I don't think you should have to pay the full cost of it. Maybe about 25% if I was a Judge listening to this cases lol
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    (Original post by tinycharlie)
    Go in his rooom, lock the door,, jump on his bed with him and hug him hard, he will forgive u
    You know what, I read this, took a minute to think, went to his room and apologised to him. I said that I didn't personally throw his stuff out but I was sorry for how I acted and in hindsight maybe it was a mistake. He said that he appreciated and accepted the apology and that he'll try and be cleaner from now on. I offered for him to use my stuff until he gets new stuff, but he said it was alright. So it sounds like (fingers crossed) things will improve.

    This is a lesson learnt for me. I don't tend to be one for apologies but it's brought comfort to me to know that now we can be on at least polite terms.
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    (Original post by princesscharming)
    You know what, I read this, took a minute to think, went to his room and apologised to him. I said that I didn't personally throw his stuff out but I was sorry for how I acted and in hindsight maybe it was a mistake. He said that he appreciated and accepted the apology and that he'll try and be cleaner from now on. I offered for him to use my stuff until he gets new stuff, but he said it was alright. So it sounds like (fingers crossed) things will improve.

    This is a lesson learnt for me. I don't tend to be one for apologies but it's brought comfort to me to know that now we can be on at least polite terms.
    Hahaha you read that and after reading what I wrote you actually went to his room lol? 😂 glad I could be of help, even tho I’m drunk af and barely understand what’s going on
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    I'm glad you apologised as it really was your fault. Tbh you should pay half for new things for him. He deserved it but it still wasn't right. You should have dumped it in his room or just washed it since you knew he wouldn't be there for 2 weeks. You're only going to make him hate you acting like this.
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    (Original post by princesscharming)

    Anyway, I don't deal well with confrontation really and I get a bit flustered when I have someone in my face having a go at me. I'm just wondering what's the next best step, if any at all? I thought about complaining to my land lord but maybe that's a bit too much. If he complains about me, do I have anything to worry about? I didn't steal his things, that's laughable and I didn't personally throw them out either so what would he have to complain about? I guess he'll live out his tenancy hating me and I do feel quite bad for what I did in hindsight, maybe I over-reacted but what does he expect? For other people to live around his filth?
    You don't really have anything to worry about given it's just a couple of pans, and I assume cheap pans since he's just leaving them to fester, but relying on the fact that you didn't personally throw them out is pretty weak. You left them in a bin bag by the back door, knowing full well they'd be thrown out by the cleaners.

    Tbh it's a horrible situation and a great argument for doing whatever it takes to get into a living situation in which you can choose your housemates. Having no control over who lives with you is clearly a recipe for disaster. On what actually happened, I can't imagine I'd have apologised. I'd have chucked the pans into his room, as suggested above, rather than effectively sent them to landfill, but I've no sympathy for him given he'd just left his filth in other people's way.
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    (Original post by princesscharming)
    You know what, I read this, took a minute to think, went to his room and apologised to him. I said that I didn't personally throw his stuff out but I was sorry for how I acted and in hindsight maybe it was a mistake. He said that he appreciated and accepted the apology and that he'll try and be cleaner from now on. I offered for him to use my stuff until he gets new stuff, but he said it was alright. So it sounds like (fingers crossed) things will improve.

    This is a lesson learnt for me. I don't tend to be one for apologies but it's brought comfort to me to know that now we can be on at least polite terms.
    Awwwh, this made me really happy, I'm glad things are working out for you!

    (The power of apologies, eh?)
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    (Original post by princesscharming)
    Unsure if this is posted in the correct forum - didn't see any kind of "Housing" board?

    Anyway, just had a confrontation with a housemate of mine and just want to see what other people think. I'll give a bit of background info.

    I've been sharing houses for 4+ years now, always single tenancy, never lived with friends. I've seen it all. I've had noisey housemates, unclean housemates, I've been stolen from, had people take advantage of me and even had a landlord try and palm £1000's worth of council tax onto me (unsucceessfully). I'm at a point in my life now where I'm not willing to jump through the hoops of treading on eggshells to keep housemates from potentially hating me.

    In my current house, I've lived here since August 2016 and have seen housemates come and go. Some I have got along with brilliantly, others not so much. At the moment it is me (female), another girl and three lads. The lads are incredibly unclean, leaving dirty dishes, pots and pans to fester next to the sink for days, if not weeks, at a time.

    Roll forward to the run up to the Christmas just gone, and the other girl and two of the lads leave to, I assume, go home for Christmas so it's me and the one remaining lad in the house. He is pretty filthy but on his own it's manageable. I didn't have the luxury of going home for Christmas due to work commitments so I was left with the used cutlery, plates, oven dishes and pans in a pile next to the kitchen sink (which had already been there for a good few days before anyone even left the house). I ignore it for a few days and then the cleaners come (as they do weekly) and moved that pile from the counter to the sink so they could clean the kitchen surfaces. I then left the stuff in the sink for another few days and had to use the tiny drainer to wash my own things. It got to a point where the stuff in the sink was beginning to smell, and badly. I became tired of this and started to think about my own health. Here I am trying to clean things next to something that is full of dirt and rancid half-eaten food. So I put it all into a bin bag and set it by the back door on the kitchen floor. That stuff sat there for over another week still, as the cleaners came back around the Wednesday after Christmas. And they threw the bin bag out.

    Roll forward and one of the lads came back and didn't say anything about it, didn't query any missing items so I just assume he doesn't care. But tonight I was confronted by the other one who went away over Christmas. He asked where his things were and I explained what happened. They were in the sink for a while, started to smell, I put it in a bin bag and then the cleaners must've thrown it out. He starts to say how that's basically theft and now he can't cook, he has so go out and buy new things now because >I< threw his stuff away. I explained that I didn't throw it all out, and that maybe he should have some more consideration, both for the communal areas and his own property. Then he called me a *****, lmao.

    Anyway, I don't deal well with confrontation really and I get a bit flustered when I have someone in my face having a go at me. I'm just wondering what's the next best step, if any at all? I thought about complaining to my land lord but maybe that's a bit too much. If he complains about me, do I have anything to worry about? I didn't steal his things, that's laughable and I didn't personally throw them out either so what would he have to complain about? I guess he'll live out his tenancy hating me and I do feel quite bad for what I did in hindsight, maybe I over-reacted but what does he expect? For other people to live around his filth?
    Ofc it wasnt theft. Bonkers to say so.
    They should have cleaned them before they left rather than leave them as a health hazard. that is just manners. Unfortunate and his own fault, but unless you got on and it had happened in the past then there was no reason for you to wash their stuff. Why didnt the other male housemate do something.

    Its likely you have a point of interhousemate conflict now.

    You can either clear the air and make an offer or if you dont feel minded or they arent bothered, then live with it till the lease runs out. If he gets out of hand talk to the LLord as he will be breaking the lease in some way.
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    it is basically theft what happened and it was your fault. Own up to your mistakes and pay for the stuff[/QUOTE]

    No mistake there!
    From information given, suitable time was allowed for the culprit and any other party who wished to deal with. Since it was not deal with, and I'm sure some dishes may have begun crawling around by then, the items(which by now would have been too heavy with bacteria to ever contemplate consumption from) were disposed of.

    Like throwing away a child's balloon cos it deflated.
 
 
 
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