Guys sometimes make dating exhausting

Scroll to see replies

Nah..that's if you are keen on someone, serious about a boyfriend/girlfriend partnership. Not if you are unsure hence tagging the relationship "exclusive" aka seeing if better comes along.

Why the **** would anyone want to do that?

I didn't even know that was even a thing. Is this relatively new?

Reply 21

Zelex

Original post by num.7

Why the **** would anyone want to do that?

I didn't even know that was even a thing. Is this relatively new?

I'm with you there. Don't get it all. Never been in one and don't intend to. Best ask those that been involved in such arrangements. It seems to a common thing nowadays.

Reply 22

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rock Fan

Like I said it doesn't matter if you are that person who likes another person then you should be honest and just say it.

Like, my ex once said that if a guy considers you and then never asks you out, then you should not ask him. "If he really liked you then he would make an effort to get you". but guys are shy, right?????

Reply 23

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

But at the same time playing hard to get can be a receipe for disaster, it shouldn't matter who makes a move.

Reply 24

jay2013

Original post by RLinds

I know what I am saying doesn't apply to all guys, but this is the experience I have had a few times.

Guys can sometimes be so exhausting. No guys make the first move anymore (in terms of you already know each other before dating/not a night club setting). You have to clearly show that you like them in order to encourage them, but if you come across as too enthusiastic they get turned off. Every guy I have dated, I have asked out. Then once you are dating you have to be elusive and. tiptoe around so you can give the guy the chance to slowly like you, in case they get scared of commitment too early. It's so tiring.

Do any other girls have this experience, and guys what are your thoughts?

Original post by CleverSquirrel

yes and its soooo annoying. mentally exhausting

i was in a 'exclusive' relationship for a year..... every time i asked to make things serious an argument would arise, he refused to call me his.... in the end he left me and got a GIRLFRIEND a few months later :colonhash:

i am a 100% he was talking to her while 'seeing me'

and now, i feel like my new man, is bored of me after a month of being exclusive

i wish it was like the good old days, youre either my boyfriend or youre not!!! i hate this exclusive stuff, its like a 14 day free trial where one person (usually me) gets attached, used and left behind :sad:

And women can also be exhausting. I'm 28 and I've been rejected by every woman I've shown an interest in. It's soooo annoying, mentally exhausting for guys like me. I've even considered killing myself because I feel I don't deserve to happy. So what you have to put in all the effort. I mean really so what? It must be so exhausting having someone in your life that reciprocates romantic feelings, even if its only a little. Spare a thought for us who are really suffering in their love lives.

Reply 25

Anonymous #2

Original post by jay2013

Please do not put your whole self worth and happiness in the hands of women - there is much much more to life than women.

Reply 26

jay2013

Original post by Anonymous

Please do not put your whole self worth and happiness in the hands of women - there is much much more to life than women.

I try not to but it's very difficult when everybody around you, friends, relatives, coworkers etc are or have been in relationships, engaged, married and/or are starting families. I suffer from two long term medical conditions that affect my day to day life quite a bit and then I see people I know who are healthy in happy relationships and sometimes it just makes me very sad that I haven't experienced those feelings of being liked/loved by a partner and feeling that kind of happiness. Being a virgin is also weighing heavily on me. The older I get the more it affects me psychologically.

Reply 27

username2908878

To be honest with you, I know what I want from the very beginning and where I usually fall down is when a guys wants to 'see how things go'. Clearly, we are not on the same page. As OP says it's 'tiptoeing' and seeing if they like you more, I think ensuring your a both on the same page straight off the bat can save a lot of time !

Reply 28

Gonehome

As a guy, I'd say you're going for the wrong type of guys.
But as a married, mature guy with a 19yo son, I'm about to rant.
Young men these days are not interested in the opposite sex, except to look at and feel good with(no pun there). They are interested in keeping their hair nice, plucking or waxing eyebrows to make it look like a bad scar, and wearing tight clothes that remove the likelyhood of reaching parenthood.
Sound familiar?
Boys are not interested in finding a woman, showing her off, and seeking approval from their father. Whilst gender identities have almost swapped, partly due to the 'girls love a gay man' complex of the 90s & 00s, new, identities have emerged that no-one quite knows what they are yet.

Or it may just be that the boy thinks you may not be a girl after watching too many ladyboy documentaries and is freaking himself out.

Either way, society's fault. Not yours, just show some ankle, they will come running.

I jest.

Reply 29

tastupee11

I agree somewhat. It is really difficult nowadays with all this "talking" bs. I hate the stage where you don't know what you are and you're not exclusive but it's not like you're just friends either.

Reply 30

WhyKidz

I believe in Love and Romance, and when I get into a relationship I commit straight away when I want to be with someone. I don't do the stupid stuff. If I like you then I want us to be boyfriend/girlfriend and I will be loyal to you and honest with you.

Unfortunately I'm not very confident at talking to girls in the first place. This is, I suspect, as a result of having been to a boys only school and not had any experience of growing up with them.

Guys shouldn't go with the crowd to be cool. Be true to yourself is the only way.

Reply 31

Anonymous #3

Original post by jay2013

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with women and relationships. I used to get down a lot because of my height and the fact that my interests mean that I'm quite boring to most girls. So in some ways I was how you are now.
I started my "recovery" by going to the gym, eating healthily etc. I also conveniently have history coursework which means that I have to go to a university library to do research. I found that reading (because of my interest in history) switched my mind from thinking about how undesirable I am to women, to what I had read about while researching (a lot of things I read about really fascinated me).
I also came to the realization that I'm probably not destined to find a partner in life and with that, I also realized that I'm going to die one day: so I want to spend as much time being happy in my life as possible. So I had a deep look into what was making me unhappy. It was mainly two things:
1) Sexual frustration (at being a virgin, as may be the case with you). Nearly all of my friends had lost their virginity and a lot were in relationships with really pretty girls. This of course made me jealous. I thought about why it made me jealous and it was because I have sexual desires (as do most men). I stopped masturbating and watching porn and (at least with me) you stop thinking about sex, therefore you stop thinking about losing your virginity (so overall you're happier)
2) My height: the fact that the vast majority of girls/women won't find me attractive because of it and therefore wouldn't date me. I thought about why my height mattered to me. I realized that it mattered to me purely because it matters to women and I wanted a relationship. I started thinking and I came to the conclusion that the chances of finding a woman who loves me for who I am, despite my appearance and height, is incredibly low. It's not worth going through horrible relationships, having your partner cheat on you with more attractive guys etc. This realisation helped me become more content with being single as I'd be happier without a girlfriend than with a girlfriend who would cheat on me/leave me after getting bored (it's happened about 4 times). Caring about what women thought (in terms of dating) only dragged me down, I learnt to be happy without needing a woman by doing what I wanted with my life for my own happiness, not to try and fail to impress women.
I hope this long ass reply helps, if not then oh well I tried. Good luck, I hope you can find a way to either find the perfect woman for you or to find happiness in life without a woman.
TLDR: I stopped being angry at being a virgin by not masturbating (nofap) and by not watching porn. I ways of being happy and improving myself as a person without women, therefore I'm happy being single. I hope this helps.

Reply 32

AxSirlotl

Original post by Gonehome

I think your description of young men/boys applies to the popular boys, those who do drugs, lose their virginity at 13, getting girls pregnant at 14 etc. All of my friends who have girlfriends are decent people, who honestly care about their girlfriend, not for her value as a thing to show off, but as a precious human who means the world to them. They are also dedicated, they're studying to become programmers, engineers, going to university etc.
So I think your description only applies to "****boys", not to the less popular (in terms of popularity in school), more decent young men who are out there who are interested in relationships.

Reply 33

loveleest

Original post by RLinds

lol, I am going through the exact same thing. I don't date and quite frankly, I can be single forever and be okay with it.

Reply 34

The Uniqueness

You can’t force a relationship on someone who doesn’t want to be in one.

You are making it exhausting for yourself because you want things to happen fast rather than going with the flow.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 35

RLinds

Original post by The Uniqueness

You can’t force a relationship on someone who doesn’t want to be in one.

You are making it exhausting for yourself because you want things to happen fast rather than going with the flow.

But then everyone's "flow" is different. I like to take it slow, but I think some guys like barely moving at all

Reply 36

The Uniqueness

Original post by RLinds

But then everyone's "flow" is different. I like to take it slow, but I think some guys like barely moving at all

If they’re not willing to take the chance to flow at all with someone then you move on. If it has to be forced then it’s not meant to be.

Reply 37

ANM775

Original post by RLinds

you are a female complaining that men are basically not fulfilling their traditional gender stereotype [making the first move]

yet western women are always campaigning and making a fuss over gender equality.

well you can't have it both ways, if you want gender equality you need to take the good with the bad. I've heard this same complaint with one or two feminists as well ...and i'm sorry but you cannot just cherry pick which parts of gender equality you want [bigger man sized pay packets, voting ...etc] and then expect to not have to deal with the not so appealing stuff about gender equality [men expecting women to make the first move more often than they have traditionally done so]

And yes, men are making the first move less than they used to. Online dating has allowed certain men to stay in their comfort zone of swiping on a picture or typing a quick message and pressing send rather than mustering balls to approach a girl in real life. There are an increasing number of men in their 20's who have never even asked out a girl in real life and have no intention. It's Tinder or death for those guys.......

Also with women now having good well paying career's they are focusing less on money when looking for a partner [a mans job] and more on aesthetics. Long gone are the days when being an average looking doctor would literally guarantee you some pretty little stepford wife......
with women getting more picky and rejecting men more ...men are a little more hesitant to make and move and many would like to see some sort of signal instead before trying their luck......

added to the fact, that it is becoming more socially acceptable for women to make the first move and not been seen as "desperate"means you are going to end up loosing out sometimes to more proactive females who will make a move. Why am I [or any guy] going to walk over and approach a girl giving off no signals with a strong poker face when there's a next girl giving signals or even approaching herself?

Reply 38

Jack22031994

Volunteer Team

Original post by RLinds

A couple of the guys I asked out said they liked me and glad I asked them out, but they also said they would never have asked me themselves.

e.

They might not have the confidence.

Its something I struggle with, I know I need to get better but its hard sometimes esp as what little I did have was destroyed by me ex girlfriend who abused me :frown:

Reply 39

justsomeguy1

Original post by RLinds

If a guy likes you, they will like you when they first see you, if he doesn't like you as a partner straight away he won't in a few weeks either, that's just how it is really.

But i agree with what you're saying, i don't think us guys really know how to ask a girl out anymore. We don't want to look desperate...or creepy...or...awkward or deal with the rejection and humiliation of a great big giant "No" from someone you fancied the pants off. Got any suggestions for us guys?